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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel 0 sympathy-24 hours in police custody *MNHQ adding content warning for distressing information regarding a child*

279 replies

Menmy3 · 04/01/2022 23:58

AIBU to have absolutely no sympathy for poor baby Teddie’s useless mother. Going from one man to the next allowing one into her home that was clearly abusing her children and not protecting them. I know she was the victim of DV and usually I’d be advocating for her 100% but she showed no emotion, no remorse. Those poor babies.

OP posts:
SammyScrounge · 06/01/2022 01:15

@Thehop

I felt more emotion hearing about poor Teddies injuries than his mother did. How she’s allowed another child is beyond me. She should be in prison.

Let’s hope her children get the support and supervision they need.

Sometimes babies are removed from the mother at birth. She was complicit in her baby's murder.She probably won't get to keep a new baby.
stillvicarinatutu · 06/01/2022 01:29

And just as aside
The starting salary for a pc in the uk is just over 20k a year .

For that you will get assaulted, spat at , sworn at , several I know in last 2 years over lockdown have had jaw broken , a leg broken , an ankle broken, one was beaten to near death and left in a road, another had her ankle broken , fingers chopped off with a machete and was pulled to safety by a member of the public who dragged her into their flat so the man who was off his tits on drugs experiencing his psychotic episode and thought he was being chased by aliens managed not to kill her . I was shot at 3 years ago by a man who rang and said he would shoot the first uniform he saw be that paramedic or police. And he did

For 20 k a year it's a big ask . I'm in the job because I've been in the job some years now - I know what I'm doing and I enjoy it and the pay is fine for me -
For those decrying the police - would you put yourself in a position whereby you are actually trying to help keep your community safe for that ? Have you done anything to help ? I used to be a special before I joined - I did it for free . It's a hard job to do , to maintain a work life balance and maintain you're own mental well-being. I'm it asking for anything but for those who are very anti police to just stop and think for one second and ask who you would call in an emergency?

stillvicarinatutu · 06/01/2022 01:40

Oh and just one more little bit of info
Last week I was notified I had 3 ! Complaints against me . Never while I was frontline did I get complaints.

  1. one from a woman with a mental health diagnosed condition complaint I failed to investigate the government technology installed in her roof by a person 300 miles away that is being used to control her apparently.
  2. one from a man who complained I refused to arrest the ceo of a national bank because they wouldn't loan him 1 million for his business and I apparently had no understanding of white collar crime
  3. one from a man who's neighbour found a drone in their garden which he felt harassed by in case it had filmed his garden .

Why would anyone do this for 20k .

Ecosaurus · 06/01/2022 06:02

They are not needing to do it for 20k… Christ this thread is horrible

Ecosaurus · 06/01/2022 06:09

@stillvicarinatutu

And just as aside The starting salary for a pc in the uk is just over 20k a year .

For that you will get assaulted, spat at , sworn at , several I know in last 2 years over lockdown have had jaw broken , a leg broken , an ankle broken, one was beaten to near death and left in a road, another had her ankle broken , fingers chopped off with a machete and was pulled to safety by a member of the public who dragged her into their flat so the man who was off his tits on drugs experiencing his psychotic episode and thought he was being chased by aliens managed not to kill her . I was shot at 3 years ago by a man who rang and said he would shoot the first uniform he saw be that paramedic or police. And he did

For 20 k a year it's a big ask . I'm in the job because I've been in the job some years now - I know what I'm doing and I enjoy it and the pay is fine for me -
For those decrying the police - would you put yourself in a position whereby you are actually trying to help keep your community safe for that ? Have you done anything to help ? I used to be a special before I joined - I did it for free . It's a hard job to do , to maintain a work life balance and maintain you're own mental well-being. I'm it asking for anything but for those who are very anti police to just stop and think for one second and ask who you would call in an emergency?

If the police hadn’t fucked up they would r be involved in the SCR
Ecosaurus · 06/01/2022 06:11

“We don’t get paid more than 20k so we shouldn’t have to deal with safeguarding issues”

Christ

Malibuismysecrethome · 06/01/2022 07:30

Pay peanuts get monkeys.
I’ve just listened to the interview of the little boy. How absolutely heartbreaking that he had to live in fear and violence.

lollipoprainbow · 06/01/2022 07:36

Zero sympathy for her too. Cold vile creature. A mothers job is to protect her children and she allowed one to be murdered and the others to be abused. She should have also received a life sentence.

LakieLady · 06/01/2022 08:09

There is nowhere near enough support for DV victims, they've only recently started to recognise children as victims!

They've been doing it for a good few years where I live @KevinTheKoala. It's at least 12 years since I first had a client where DV led to a client being told that she basically had to choose between her partner and her kids.

When I was working in homelessness prevention, our procedure was always to raise a child safeguarding where there was DV/DA in a household where there were children, including financial and emotional abuse.

I naively assumed that this was standard practice.

LakieLady · 06/01/2022 08:25

@stillvicarinatutu

Re appropriate adults in custody .

When anyone is booked into custody they are asked lots of questions about their circumstances, such as if they have any learning disabilities, mental health issues etc that may make it difficult for them to understand what's being out to them in an interview.
If they say they have any issues , or if the custody Sgt seems them to be in sufficient need of one , then an appropriate adult is appointed. This happens routinely with under 18s ,but also if there is any hint that the person being interviewed may have cause to say later down the line that they didn't understand the questions being asked or the implications thereof .
The appropriate adults role is not to answer on their behalf but merely to ensure the person interviewed understands what is being asked . So for instance - my son has autism . If he were Interviewed he may need someone there to put a question in a different way , or to ensure he fully understands the question being asked . They are there to ensure a fair interview is given - not to speak up on behalf of the interviewee, but ensure it's a fair process .
They are volunteers who are trained .

The requirement for an appropriate adult to be present when vulnerable people are interviewed came about following a successful appeal in respect of an adult with LD.

He'd been interviewed alone and didn't understand the questions and the implications of what he was saying in response, because he had a "mental age" of 12 or thereabouts. Part of the case of the appeal team was that he was no different from a child in terms of understanding and capacity and should therefore not have been questioned alone.

It was a massive step forward in how vulnerable suspects are treated.

BruceBogtrottersWife · 06/01/2022 08:41

I've watched it now.
I understand being vulnerable and scared but, she seems fairly intelligent. I had some sympathy even for the mother of Star Hobson, but this woman should have protected her children. She knew what was going on.
I also want to know what happened to the poor dog :(

BruceBogtrottersWife · 06/01/2022 08:44

FWIW I used to work as police (staff) and they as a company treated me like utter shit. I'd never work for them again for that reason alone but the police officers as a whole do their best and are (mostly) good people IME.

LakieLady · 06/01/2022 08:46

@Ecosaurus

“We don’t get paid more than 20k so we shouldn’t have to deal with safeguarding issues”

Christ

That made me raise an eyebrow, too. My late DP was a payroll manager for a police service, and when he started he was gobsmacked by all the extra allowances they got. One day he was checking someone's work and noted that a young PC with a year's service had a gross pay of over £32k on their P60.

I'm not saying that they're not worth that, but to say they only get £20k is disingenuous imo.

Safeguarding is everyone's business imo.

Ecosaurus · 06/01/2022 09:00

The point I was making was to say that when police (above) say we only get 20k thus they shouldn’t do their jobs (safeguarding) is so fucking disturbing.

“Well we only get 20k so that’s not worth safeguarding a baby who’s going to get murdered”

Ffs

Ecosaurus · 06/01/2022 09:04

“For 20k a year it’s a big ask”

Few posts above mine.

I mean at what price will police start to get involved before a baby is murdered??? 30k, 200k?

TansySorrel · 06/01/2022 09:19

@stillvicarinatutu

And just as aside The starting salary for a pc in the uk is just over 20k a year .

For that you will get assaulted, spat at , sworn at , several I know in last 2 years over lockdown have had jaw broken , a leg broken , an ankle broken, one was beaten to near death and left in a road, another had her ankle broken , fingers chopped off with a machete and was pulled to safety by a member of the public who dragged her into their flat so the man who was off his tits on drugs experiencing his psychotic episode and thought he was being chased by aliens managed not to kill her . I was shot at 3 years ago by a man who rang and said he would shoot the first uniform he saw be that paramedic or police. And he did

For 20 k a year it's a big ask . I'm in the job because I've been in the job some years now - I know what I'm doing and I enjoy it and the pay is fine for me -
For those decrying the police - would you put yourself in a position whereby you are actually trying to help keep your community safe for that ? Have you done anything to help ? I used to be a special before I joined - I did it for free . It's a hard job to do , to maintain a work life balance and maintain you're own mental well-being. I'm it asking for anything but for those who are very anti police to just stop and think for one second and ask who you would call in an emergency?

Vicar's words have been twisted. The above is what she wrote. She never wrote 20K is not enough to bother with safeguarding or stopping a baby being murdered
TansySorrel · 06/01/2022 09:20

@Ecosaurus

The point I was making was to say that when police (above) say we only get 20k thus they shouldn’t do their jobs (safeguarding) is so fucking disturbing.

“Well we only get 20k so that’s not worth safeguarding a baby who’s going to get murdered”

Ffs

You've invented a quote she never said there
Charmatt · 06/01/2022 09:23

Nursery staff are on minimum wage but they still have to attend Child Protection Conferences and ensure a child is safe!

BertieBotts · 06/01/2022 09:30

I'm not a police officer, but I don't think Vicar is saying that she shouldn't have to do that work. She is just saying it's a risky job on low pay (32k is hardly rolling in it either) and before people criticise, perhaps people ought to consider whether they would do that role.

AnotherSillawithanS · 06/01/2022 09:36

@Menmy3 can he not arrest if he feels it necessary?

Years ago I was attacked by my ex husband, I ran from the house and rang police on non emergency number. I was very calm talking to them and my credit ran out. Five mins later two officers were at my door. They took one look at me and the male officer said he's going to be arrested, you can let him know you're standing up to him or we can say it's out of your hands if it makes it easier for you but he's leaving here tonight.

They arrested him.

What happened to me that night was in the local paper and it was discussed on BBC radio!

They police were my heroes that night.

phishy · 06/01/2022 10:10

Just watching this now.

Very telling when he's being arrested for domestic violence (after reports from neighbours and marks seen on her neck), that she tells the police you're not taking him and leaving me on my own.

It seems the fear of being alone is a big factor.

gunnersgold · 06/01/2022 10:23

Do you think they explored the fact it could have been one of the other children. ? I've watched enough crime programmes to know it's possible if they are jealous or has Sen? I mean I think he was 100% responsible but I'm surprised it wasn't explored .
I think she had such a shot life that she didn't know how bad Kane was .. it's like he was the best of a bad bunch so it was ok he shouted a bit .

mummypigoink · 06/01/2022 10:25

@gunnersgold

Do you think they explored the fact it could have been one of the other children. ? I've watched enough crime programmes to know it's possible if they are jealous or has Sen? I mean I think he was 100% responsible but I'm surprised it wasn't explored . I think she had such a shot life that she didn't know how bad Kane was .. it's like he was the best of a bad bunch so it was ok he shouted a bit .
It was explored. The siblings were 6 and under so wouldn’t have been able to use the necessary force to inflict the scale of injuries.
Brainwave89 · 06/01/2022 10:38

I felt for the police staff involved. I was a great admirer of their professionalism under very strong provocation. Both of these "parents" should never see the light of day again.

ponkydonkey · 06/01/2022 10:45

I watched it last night, he's really something isn't he?

I'm sure a lot was edited out but I do honestly think she was somehow involved, either she believed that she made him do it or was responsible for his actions? Or possibly to try and protect the other children? Or a whole enmeshed layer of so many factors.... there must be things they didn't add in the programme at the end as the reasons why she got off so lightly!