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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this restaurant Bill split should have been done differently?

339 replies

2020too · 04/01/2022 19:01

My Mom treated me to a restaurant voucher for Christmas as we tend to buy experiences rather than items.

She deliberately picked this restaurant as is a lovely place and I also get 33% off because of where I work - she saw this as stretching the money further.

We have an annually occuring meet up in the lull between Christmas and NYE with 2 couples from our hobby group non-specified as it might be outing

We meet up with them every few months for a meal and drinks at various places as well as seeing them frequently for hobbying. We rally enjoy their company.

It was one of other couple's pick of venue last week. They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week.

As we sat down for the meal, I told my DH to remind me to use the voucher when the bill cane as I'm likely to forget - my menopause isn't serving my brain well . The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc.

Now for the sums

The bill for 3 couples was £450.

My discount brought it diwn to £300.

£345 with the tip.

£115 per couple.

One of the others reminded me about my voucher .

So to me that meant we had £65 to pay.

Someone spoke up and said, okay so that's 345 less the voucher = 295 to pay, let's call it £100 per couple, yeah.

So that's what we did

I bloody know I need to work in my assertiveness kills and I absolutely won't be addressing the issue, as I'm not a boat rocker. I also am aware that I didn't explicitly say that this was just for me and DH, because in no way would I have thought anyone would have thought elsewise.

YANBU: most people wouldn't have included the voucher as a joint contribution?

YABU they were totally reasonable to deduct the voucher off the total bill before dividing into thirds.

Never had any Bill splitting problems before with these, and £35 inequality wouldn't stop me socialising with them again. I'm just a very bit Confused

OP posts:
Dreamstate · 04/01/2022 21:18

Personally I wouldn't have even mentioned the voucher at all and only got it out when it came to paying my share and then if asked say it was a personal present.

What's done is done but maybe a lesson to learn to speak up a bit

HandWash · 04/01/2022 21:19

@Pinot4me

Something similar happened to me once… my friend and I had been talking about having a spa day together as a treat. My husband bought me a voucher for Christmas which exceeded the value of the spa day. (£150 voucher - spa day cost pp £100) My friend came with me and just assumed that the difference figure meant that she should pay less… so she paid £50 at check in. We are good friends. It was awkward. I said nothing but was peeved when we stayed for a meal and drinks afterwards and split the restaurant bill 50/50. So the whole day cost her £50 less than me. This was years ago. I look back on it now and can’t believe I let it happen. We live and learn!
Obviously she shouldn't have assumed, but I really do think the vast majority of people would have shared with their 'good friend' in that situation. The voucher was more than you needed, so why not?

You were always going to take a plus 1. So it would be normal for the gift to include the other person. If I'd been gifted 2 tickets to a show, to take a friend with me, I wouldn't expect them to pay me back for the other ticket because it's MY gift.

TheAntiGardener · 04/01/2022 21:20

I’m genuinely worried about what else you’re putting up with in day to day life.

My thoughts too. I don’t think these sound like lovely friends from the scenario you’ve presented, and you describing them as such adds to this sense that you’re putting up with things you shouldn’t.

Gilly12345 · 04/01/2022 21:21

This is your fault sorry for using your voucher while out in a group and not being clear.

I’m sure your friends didn’t realise it was a present.

Next time do mention a voucher and use it while out with who you wish to benefit.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 04/01/2022 21:24

Similar thing happened years ago....a load of us went to the theatre one night and had a meal at Pizza Express before the show....we decided to split the bill equally between us all and one lady produced Tesco Clubcard vouchers to pay for her share...i remember a few raised eyebrows from the others....as far as im concerned those vouchers are as good as cash...she did not have to 'share' them with anyone.

wineandsprite · 04/01/2022 21:26

@Gilly12345

This is your fault sorry for using your voucher while out in a group and not being clear.

I’m sure your friends didn’t realise it was a present.

Next time do mention a voucher and use it while out with who you wish to benefit.

Seriously?

The others commented on what a nice present and then conversation turned to their Christmas presents etc

Kipperandarthur · 04/01/2022 21:37

@lap90

Tbh, I wouldn't have used a giftcard in this scenario.
I agree. It just doesn’t work using a gift voucher in a group setting. It gets muddled and awkward.

Save it for you and your partner in future.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 04/01/2022 21:40

I think the issue is the word voucher, which for me I would expect to apply to the whole group. If you had said gift certificate perhaps it would have been clearer. It was massively cheeky of them but if someone said they had a voucher for money off when i was out for them with a meal I would think they were telling me to apply to the whole group.

Flipflopblowout · 04/01/2022 21:42

I would not have used the voucher on that night so the problem would not have arisen

WhatToDo1988 · 04/01/2022 21:47

YABU. You asking people to remind you of the voucher and you using it in the first place does imply you were happy to share it. I have a £100 voucher for a restaurant my friends wanted to go to before Christmas. I deliberately left my voucher at home so I wouldn't cause any awkwardness and I'll use it at a separate meal with DP. The outcome is so predictable, I can't believe you intended to use it at a group meal in the first place! And really you should not be annoyed at people for your lack of assertiveness. Lesson learned, just moved on.

BiddyPop · 04/01/2022 21:48

So you effectively contributed £300 towards the bill and each of the other 2 couples contributed £100 each?

£300 being made up of £150 discount, £50 voucher and £100 cash/Apple Pay.

Definitely sounds unfair on you.

I hope the other 2 couple treat you equally well on the next outing when. You get to choose your favourite eatery.

PriamFarrl · 04/01/2022 21:50

The voucher is for your part of the payment.
If your mum had given you the money in cash they wouldn’t have been any the wiser.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/01/2022 21:51

I think the issue is the word voucher, which for me I would expect to apply to the whole group. If you had said gift certificate perhaps it would have been clearer. It was massively cheeky of them but if someone said they had a voucher for money off when i was out for them with a meal I would think they were telling me to apply to the whole group.

I would understand 'voucher' as normally used for something with intrinsic value (i.e. worth the standalone cash-equivalent of £X with no other conditions) - usually obtained in exchange for actual money; whereas 'coupon' would be something cut out of a magazine to get a good deal/discount when spending/buying a certain item/amount.

Effectively, a voucher is a nice present and valuable, but you'd be a right CF to give somebody a potentially handy coupon as a specific gift for their birthday/Christmas!

thetinsoldier · 04/01/2022 21:55

Next time I'd say, 'hey, this is my Xmas present from my mum. She didn't want to buy you lot gifts too! You've already had a 33% discount thanks to me. This voucher is coming off my bill.'

Cheeky!

workingtheusername · 04/01/2022 21:58

If you happened to have a voucher I'd consider it reasonable you share it (but it's your voucher so your choice) a gift I would not expect you to share and would insist you didn't big u offered.

Idontknowlondon · 04/01/2022 22:00

Yanbu, BUT I wouldn't use a voucher for just my meal at a group event as I think that's rude. I'd have saved it for another time.

Quidgame · 04/01/2022 22:01

Definitely speak up if this situation occurs again! It can be helpful to plan and rehearse what you need to say in advance if being assertive doesn't come naturally.

I wonder whether you mentioning the voucher to your friend when initially booking might have created the impression that it was to be shared. Still a bit presumptuous though! Drinks had better be on them next time you meet Wine

KerryWeaver · 04/01/2022 22:02

Your friends were in the wrong but so were you.

Your friends should not have been made aware of your voucher if it was not relevant to the group. Mentioning the voucher beforehand to the group did make it seem somehow relevant to the group when it clearly wasn't. They only needed to be aware of your voucher when you came to pay your share at the end.

You should have spoken up. You needed to take charge of the situation.

MeredithGreyishblue · 04/01/2022 22:12

What did your husband say??

Honeyroar · 04/01/2022 22:23

You’d already saved them £50 each couple with your discharge and the rotten sods also expected them to spend your Christmas present on them too! What horrible, grabby “friends”. I feel gutted for you.

Russelhobskettle · 04/01/2022 22:25

Really you were in the wrong because this was so easily sorted. As soon as the friend piped up and said £100 per couple you could easily have said "Ha ha, nice try! That voucher is my Christmas present from my mum, so it's coming off my meal not everyone's". Simple.

IsMaeOnTheAsmae · 04/01/2022 22:26

They suggested this restaurant in the group chat, and I said great because my discount would apply and so we booked in mid December for last week

If that was me I would of definetly assumed you mentioned the voucher for everyone to use

Plus if your friends know about your 33% did they maybe get confused and think that's what the voucher was? Only asking as I wrote out a reply and then realised the voucher and 33% were 2 different things Blush

KarmaStar · 04/01/2022 22:29

Yanbu but I'm feeling ....they were so out of order and you said nothing!!!

CharityDingle · 05/01/2022 00:28

@Dreamstate

Personally I wouldn't have even mentioned the voucher at all and only got it out when it came to paying my share and then if asked say it was a personal present.

What's done is done but maybe a lesson to learn to speak up a bit

Exactly.

@2020too what will you do differently next time around?

CharityDingle · 05/01/2022 00:29

@Russelhobskettle

Really you were in the wrong because this was so easily sorted. As soon as the friend piped up and said £100 per couple you could easily have said "Ha ha, nice try! That voucher is my Christmas present from my mum, so it's coming off my meal not everyone's". Simple.
Exactly.