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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid...

132 replies

Bee97 · 04/01/2022 02:31

I was supposed to be a bridesmaid for a close family member however now I've been given the ultimatum that if I don't dye my hair a natural colour then I can only be a guest.
I have received frequent digs about my hair and tattoos since the engagement which has become heated today. Tbh I don't want to go at all if I'm not good enough being who I am.
Should I be expected to change who I am just to suit a brides personal view of coloured hair and tattoos?

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 04/01/2022 02:34

Fgs no. Why would they want you to not look like you in the photos? Why were you even asked if thats how they feel? Thats awful. I wouldn't go tbh.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/01/2022 02:34

Do not even attend this wedding. Don't lower yourself.

Perching · 04/01/2022 02:36

What colour is your hair?

Cloudgazer42 · 04/01/2022 02:43

No , YANBU - you should be yourself and as friends they should want you to be.

Irishfarmer · 04/01/2022 02:45

I'm honestly surprised you were asked in the first place! Unnatural coloured hair may not be something ppl might like for their pics but they knew that when asking you!

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2022 02:46

I wouldn't even go to the wedding after that level of insult.

DPotter · 04/01/2022 02:52

I would gracefully decline to be a bridesmaid. She knew who you were when she asked, so is being unreasonable to expect you to change your hair colour. you can reconsider whether or not to go as a guest when you get the invitation. Personally I'd go - with the brightest hair you feel comfortable with!

GaryLurcher19 · 04/01/2022 02:54

No, tell them to sod off. They pick the colours of the dresses, bouquet and chair covers. They don't dictate hair colour.

HirplesWithHaggis · 04/01/2022 02:59

You're not being asked to "change who you are", you're being offered a different role at a wedding. As a guest you can display whatever tattoos and dyed plumage you like, but perhaps the bride would prefer to be the centre of attention on her wedding day (and in her wedding photos.)

RalphLaurenG · 04/01/2022 03:05

Whaaaat?? If your hair, etc is wildly out of colour scheme then you probably won't fit into the bridal party if she's going a different way. What's wrong with that?

Kitkat151 · 04/01/2022 03:06

What colour is your hair ?

Hydrate · 04/01/2022 03:12

Well they are choosing to "demote" you to a guest, I'd just say I understand, I'll be a guest. To be honest, being a guest is better.

Original poster
Bee97 · 04/01/2022 03:13

Thank you all for your responses
My hair is currently pink x

OP posts:
Bringonsummer19 · 04/01/2022 03:14

Have you changed your hair colour since being asked? YABU if yes but no if not. I sort of get not wanting photos with someone with rainbow hair…….! But then I wouldn’t have asked if you had…

Bringonsummer19 · 04/01/2022 03:15

Hmmmm pink isn’t outrageous

DropYourSword · 04/01/2022 03:19

@RalphLaurenG

Whaaaat?? If your hair, etc is wildly out of colour scheme then you probably won't fit into the bridal party if she's going a different way. What's wrong with that?
“Won’t fit into the bridal party” Hmm Christ people get silly about weddings. You should be accepted for exactly who you are.
Original poster
Bee97 · 04/01/2022 03:27

@Bringonsummer19

Have you changed your hair colour since being asked? YABU if yes but no if not. I sort of get not wanting photos with someone with rainbow hair…….! But then I wouldn’t have asked if you had…
My hair has been unnaturally coloured for the last 6 years so it's not anything new. It's pretty much what I'm known for tbh xx
OP posts:
jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 04/01/2022 03:28

how many weeks away is this wedding?

i'd bow out.....

Offmyfence · 04/01/2022 03:43

No way!! Talk about bridezilla!!

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/01/2022 04:02

I am guessing that she is your sister.....

SpankyPankhurst · 04/01/2022 04:09

Tell them to like it or lump it. Pink hair is beautiful, anyway.

My best woman wore a cardigan and jeans to my wedding as her flight was severely delayed and her luggage, containing her frock, wasn't loaded onto the plane. Did I care what she looked like? No, I was crying with relief she made it to the ceremony.

Cocogreen · 04/01/2022 04:14

Bow out.
Don't change for anyone, be yourself.
Sick of these wedding photos where the bridesmaids look like a row of matching Barbie dolls.
Next she'll be putting everyone on diets.

JustLyra · 04/01/2022 04:17

@HirplesWithHaggis

You're not being asked to "change who you are", you're being offered a different role at a wedding. As a guest you can display whatever tattoos and dyed plumage you like, but perhaps the bride would prefer to be the centre of attention on her wedding day (and in her wedding photos.)
Someone who normally has pink/blue/orange/rainbow hair turning up blonde or brunette will be a far bigger talking point than their usual styling, it would draw more attention
TheHuntingOfTheSarky · 04/01/2022 04:37

If they want you, they take you as you are. If they want an Insta bridesmaid they can hire one. You are you and that's that.

When I married my witness asked if I wanted her to hide her tattoo. It hadn't even occurred to me. If they want you, why would they want to change you just for photos?

I'm sure you'll look amazing with the pink hair. I wish I had the guts to do it myself

SquirrelG · 04/01/2022 05:17

What utter pricks!!! I would be telling them that I didn't want to be a bridesmaid and I won't be attending the wedding (and there will be no gift either).

It doesn't sound like the sort of wedding I would want to attend anyway - I don't like prima donnas!