Page 5 | Bridesmaid...

Bee97 · 2022-01-04T02:31:44+00:00

I was supposed to be a bridesmaid for a close family member however now I've been given the ultimatum that if I don't dye my hair a natural colour then I can only be a guest. I have received frequent digs about my hair and tattoos since the engagement which has become heated today. Tbh I don't want to go at all if I'm not good enough being who I am. Should I be expected to change who I am just to suit a brides personal view of coloured hair and tattoos?

BlingLoving · 04/01/2022 15:18

I am genuinely 100% gobsmacked by the number of people who think that a bridesmaid with pink hair is a problem. Surely you choose your bridesmaids based on your relationship with them and the value they add to your life? Not on how they look? I assume the anti-pink hair brigade also wouldn't someone who was overweight, unusually tall etc? Or perhaps only people with similar skin colour so that the photos match?

OP, tell her that you're sorry she feels that way and you'll be happy to be a guest.

SpaceOp · 04/01/2022 15:19

This is bringing back memories of a colleague who was told shortly before she departed on her summer holidays, that she must not get a tan while lying on a greek beach because it would ruin the photos (the wedding was a few weeks after her holiday).

CRAZY.

Fizzbangwallop · 04/01/2022 15:36

It’s a clear choice. If you don’t want to change your hair colour (and why should you if you are happy as you are), you need to accept that you will now just be attending the wedding as a guest.

5128gap · 04/01/2022 15:36

@FlasherMcGruff

So, they want you to be there as an ornament, moulded to suit their aesthetics, rather than having you attend as…you.

Nah. Screw that.

Isn't that what most people want from a bridesmaid though, to some degree or another? If not, why do they usually get them to wear specific clothes chosen by the bride to complement the wedding colours, rather than whatever they fancy? No practical reason, just ornamental. This bride seems to me to just be taking that to a more extreme level, but the principles the same.

Peoniesandcream · 04/01/2022 16:46

My maid of honour had bright pink hair at my wedding, she was my best mate. My hair is usually pink/purple/blue and no one I know dislikes it. I wouldn't want to attend a wedding of someone so judgemental, narrow minded and boring. Thankfully I Don't know anyone like this. I would reject the invitation and go on a spa day instead 😊

winnieanddaisy · 04/01/2022 18:54

I love pink hair and wish I was young enough to have it . You are you , pink hair and all . Does she want you to have your tattoos removed as well?
I'd just refuse the invite or maybe just turn up for the evening do if you fancy a party. I wouldn't put myself out in any way for her . Pink hair in the photos would not distract from the bride .

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/01/2022 18:55

It’s not really a difference to being asked to style your hair up or whatever a bride wants. Surely it doesn’t matter for one day?

FluffyBooBoo · 04/01/2022 19:04

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

It’s not really a difference to being asked to style your hair up or whatever a bride wants. Surely it doesn’t matter for one day?

There's a fairly significant difference. Firstly there's the time to possibly remove colour (depending how dark it is) and redye it, as well as the damage that colour removal causes. Lastly there is doing that whole process again, with more potential damage.

In the middle there will also be the bit with the hair up or whatever. That will be undoable with the removal of a few pins, and washing out the product.

Fairyliz · 04/01/2022 19:16

Presumably this is your sister who didn’t want you to be bridesmaid but your mum made her ask you?
She’s now looking for an excuse for you to be turfed out of the role is my guess?

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/01/2022 19:19

@FluffyBooBoo

Sorry, I more mean the principle of the thing

mediumbrownmug · 04/01/2022 19:31

As a cancer survivor who lost her hair four times during treatment, I can safely say that your hair can in fact be a part of your identity. It doesn’t have to be, but it can be, and both views are valid. You cannot tell people how to feel about themselves or their appearance.

A wedding is a ceremony uniting two people. It is not an automatic attention-fest for only the bride (and not the groom, apparently?), and altering another person’s physical appearance, especially in a way that has a financial impact, is in my opinion unreasonable for only a few hours on one day when you already know what they looked like when you asked them to participate.

Chloemol · 04/01/2022 19:32

Perhaps they felt obliged to ask you as family?

Then thought about it, in fairness the bride and groom should be centre of attention, and all people will see, certainly in the pictures is the pink hair

So I do get where they are coming from as it’s supposed to be about them

Go as a guest

mediumbrownmug · 04/01/2022 19:40

Just to add: my DH’s best man had a very full beard and enormous visible tattoos the entire time they’d known each other, and they’d been best friends for well over a decade.

He showed up the day of with every last tattoo entirely covered somehow, and clean shaven to boot, completely shocking us both. I still struggle to pick him out in the wedding photos. 😂

Sparklesocks · 04/01/2022 19:49

As others have said, you should choose bridesmaids because you want those particular girls/women to be at your side on your wedding day because they mean a lot to you. If you want them to be a part of your wedding that you should want them to be as they are, and if they normally have their hair a certain colour then that shouldn’t be changed just to suit the pictures on the day.

blubberyboo · 04/01/2022 20:01

This is bringing back memories of a colleague who was told shortly before she departed on her summer holidays, that she must not get a tan while lying on a greek beach because it would ruin the photos (the wedding was a few weeks after her holiday

This reminded me of a wedding I attended in Greece whereby the bridesmaids arrived a few days early and managed to get sunburned before the wedding. They joked on the sun beds that the bride would kill them as their faces now matched the dresses 😂🤭

OP I feel that weddings are meant to a friends and family celebration surrounded by the people you love. Looks shouldn’t come into it for the sake of photos. After 20 years it’s the funny and unusual photos plus those of all the people that attended that I love to look back on, not the boring instagramable ones. Unfortunately your lady is in bridezilla mode.

blubberyboo · 04/01/2022 20:06

Have you asked her to have a consultation with the hair stylist to see if they can come up with a creative style that will incorporate your pink hair?

I bet they could do an updo that will make your hair look a bit more understated but amazing at the same time

ThisIsBanana5 · 04/01/2022 20:07

@BlingLoving

I am genuinely 100% gobsmacked by the number of people who think that a bridesmaid with pink hair is a problem. Surely you choose your bridesmaids based on your relationship with them and the value they add to your life? Not on how they look? I assume the anti-pink hair brigade also wouldn't someone who was overweight, unusually tall etc? Or perhaps only people with similar skin colour so that the photos match?

OP, tell her that you're sorry she feels that way and you'll be happy to be a guest.

Totally agree with this. You might as well just hire a bunch of actors if you only want people who will look perfect for the photos.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/01/2022 20:09

Why did they ask you in the first place? If they aren’t happy with your hair colour the easiest thing would have been not to ask!

Kitkat151 · 04/01/2022 20:10

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Why did they ask you in the first place? If they aren’t happy with your hair colour the easiest thing would have been not to ask!

Because her a mum made her....it’s OPs sister apparently

Original poster

Bee97 · 04/01/2022 20:12

The bride isn't my sister. She is my older cousin so no one forced her to ask me to be a bridesmaid xx

OP posts:

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/01/2022 20:15

@Bee97what colour was your hair when she asked you?

Original poster

Bee97 · 04/01/2022 20:15

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@Bee97what colour was your hair when she asked you?[/quote]
Pink xx

OP posts:

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 04/01/2022 20:18

Ok well then she did know at the time and it’s harder to understand!

katieg03 · 04/01/2022 20:19

My sister has naturally black hair all her life, the night before my wedding she stripped her hair and dyed it bright pink. My other sister then had to leave the venue we were staying at the night before and had to get another bunch of boxes of dye to fix it. I was a bit miffed. The night before was all stressy sorting out said botch job. But honestly if she'd had pink hair before it wouldn't have stopped me asking her

I wouldn't bother going if I was you. You are who you are

JeffThePilot · 04/01/2022 20:20

@PigeonLittle

People that only want their bridesmaids as colour coordinated accessories in photos really piss me off.

Theyre supposed to be your support not a prop.

This, absolutely.

I’m baffled by all the posters who are so adamant they wouldn’t want a bridesmaid with pink hair/tattoos etc.

It’s bizarre that people are so willing to advertise how shallow they are and how little they value important things like friendship.

No wonder the wedding industry is so ridiculous, it’s people like this keeping it going.