Am I a poor mother?

[ThymeTravel]

Just that really. I'm so anxious writing this.

DC used to be great at putting himself to sleep until he started to teeth. We tried the furber approach and couldn't stick to it because my heart was breaking when he was crying.

Now, every night when my DC goes to bed I lay on the floor beside the cot. I hold his hand through the cot bars, because he won't sleep unless we're holding hands.

When I hear crying in the night I'll go in and sleep on the floor beside the cot. He gets very upset when he wakes up and I'm not there.

My mum tells me I'm pandering to him and creating a rod for my own back, but my MIL tells me I'm doing the right thing because DC will always feel secure.

I feel like such a crap mum as I can't get it right at all!! My son cannot self-soothe, thanks to me, and I'm terrified that he won't learn to soothe himself and it'll affect him as he grows up 😫

1. You sound like a great mum. You can tell how much you care.

1. Yes, you are making a rod for your back.

Do you really want to still be doing this in a years time? He doesn't need you. He's not hungry, or soiled, etc... He just knows if he cries, it gets the result he wants. Not needs. Wants.

You need to break this cycle. He won't cry from dusk till dawn. He will get tired and eventually nod off. I get that it distresses you because you don't like to hear him cry, but take a step back, he's just doing what he knows will make mummy sit there. This may sound silly, but bear with...imagine if he knew shouting "beep beep beep" relentlessly, got mummy to sleep on his floor. Would you go rushing in and placate him if you heard him shout "beep beep". Or would you think "There's nothing wrong with him, he's just making the noise that means he gets what he wants."

If you're happy doing this, then carry on. It's for no one else to tell you what to do. That's my advice, but nothing more than advice which it's absolutely ok to ignore. Just like advice from DM.

You are a wonderful mother - caring, kind and responsive. Do what is right for you and your family. What is right for other people is neither here nor there.

My DS was like that until quite recently he's 3 now sleeps in his own bed. He's happy confident and independent. He's very loving and demonstrative I don't regret stroking his back to get him to sleep or rocking him or sitting next to his bed

I felt like you with my first when he couldn’t ‘self soothe’. Please don’t worry about it. It’s such a cliche but they are only babies for such a short while. I slept with my youngest until he was around 2.5/3 as it was the only way of getting any sleep.
I am holding his hand as he nods off right now, as I do every night. He is 4 in February 😍

You sound like a loving mum. Keep doing what you are doing. I lay and held ds hand until he was 3.5. Only stopped when he went into a single bed at that age and now i either lie in bed with him or sit at bottom of his bed until hes asleep. Hes 4.5 now.

Dh says i should maybe stop now because sometimes (maybe once a week) he will wake in the night and come looking for me and I will end up back in his bed settling him or he will come in with us.

I just tell dh i will be there as long as ds needs me to, hes only little still.

You're doing great OP.