Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS just told me nanny hit him

149 replies

ncnewbaby · 03/01/2022 14:19

I've been on maternity leave so he hasn't seen her for months. She looked after DS from when he was 1 to 3. He's now almost 4.

But I randomly said 'don't worry' to him in her first language (that she used exclusively with him) and he said (with a lot of question-answer), 'That's what "Jane" said. She was very angry when I was at the park and said I had to come in now. She hit me with a blanket when I was at her house. I cried and tried to run away but I didn't know how and she found me and hit me again.'

I asked if there was anything else and he said when he was at the park she pinched him "super-sharp" and he cried but she pinched him more.

I asked why he didn't tell me before and he said "I just didn't."

I asked him if there was anything more and he told me she poked him with a needle in his eye Hmm

I don't know what to do in this situation. Any experience or advice?

OP posts:
NellieBertram · 03/01/2022 14:21

Employee or grandma?

Not really anything you can do about your 3 year old telling you things that may or may not have happened months ago.

Original poster
ncnewbaby · 03/01/2022 14:22

I also found red marks on his back once when she looked after him and tried to ask him about them but he refused to talk and ran away, which was worrying at the time because very different to his usual behaviour. I asked her about it and she said he fell in the bath which I was suspicious of because it didn't look like something that would have come from that.

OP posts:
Original poster
ncnewbaby · 03/01/2022 14:23

@NellieBertram employee

OP posts:
Thehop · 03/01/2022 14:23

Your mother or an employed nanny?

You can report to OFSTED if she was registered, local safeguarding team lead if not.

Funnylittlefloozie · 03/01/2022 14:23

Do you mean nanny as in paid childcare employee, or nanny as in grandmother?

Either way, it does sound worrying. I think the "poked him in the eye with a needle" is unlikely to be true - you would have seen some evidence of that. Did he ever seem afraid of this person before?

Thehop · 03/01/2022 14:23

You can also report to the police.

Thehop · 03/01/2022 14:24

Also lots of reassuring language moving forward. That you believe him, love him and this isn’t okay. Reassure him he’s to tell you if anyone makes him feel like that or hurts him again.

Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 03/01/2022 14:26

Don’t let her anywhere near him again and report her. Might be worth getting an optician to check his eyes.

Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 03/01/2022 14:27

@Thehop

You can also report to the police.
I would do this as well
NameChange30 · 03/01/2022 14:27

Call the NSPCC helpline. I don't think you should try and get any more information out of him until you've had professional advice. I believe that if you contacted social services or the police (which NSPCC might advise, I don't know) they would get a trained specialist to ask him.

If it's a relative you should obviously never use them for childcare or allow unsupervised contact ever again. If it was a paid childcare professional you should report to Ofsted.

tattychicken · 03/01/2022 14:33

Is the needle and the eye thing possibly from the cross my heart and hope to die rhyme?

HavfrueDenizKisi · 03/01/2022 14:34

That's very difficult isn't it?

The only thing I notice (with my teacher safeguarding hat on) is that you've asked him quite a few leading on questions after his first disclosure and then he's given you more information. That is going to make it difficult to 'prove' unfortunately.

Although the original disclosure prompted by a completely different chat is extremely worrying anyway so I am not doubting he is telling you something nasty happened.

Obviously, if I were in your situation, I'd never use that nanny again and I would be asking her for a direct explanation of what he has said. Then she's under no illusion that she's been rumbled one way or the other.

Not sure how the police would deal with this though.

Original poster
ncnewbaby · 03/01/2022 14:39

So at first I thought the pin thing was made up but he keeps talking about it saying "Jane" got angry and poked him with a pin in his head and eye and Jane's daughter came in and got angry and said she was going to hit her when she saw it.

I asked why and he said Jane's daughter said she didn't like him being hurt.

Surely there would have been some evidence but this was months ago...
And maybe I wouldn't have seen a pinprick on his head. It's so hard when talking to toddlers to know what actually happened.

At least she's not looking after him anymore but I feel so upset.

OP posts:
HoardingSamphireSaurus · 03/01/2022 14:42

Given all you have said you really should contact Childline or similar. You need some proper advice from people who know what they are talking about.

Best of luck getting the right support.

Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 03/01/2022 14:44

I would definitely report. There could have been other reports that were not acted on because of lack of evidence.

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 03/01/2022 14:51

Get a different nanny, report her to Ofsted if you feel that is appropriate, she may well have acted aggressively. His first disclosure was that she hit him with a blanket and frightened him - not ok and I would be getting rid, but as a PP has said with your leading questions this has escalated to her poking him in the eye with a needle! If she had poked him in the eye with a needle there would have been an injury and he would've been in pain.

bluebell34567 · 03/01/2022 14:52

she poked him with a needle in his eye

Shock omg, is this real?

girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 14:56

How olds her daughter?
I don't believe the needle story - you'd have known if that had happened.

Hitting him with a blanket seems strange but not beyond the realms of possibility.
The pinching sounds like she could've grabbed his arm forcefully and it felt like pinching when he tried to pull away.

I'd report her. Better to be safe than sorry.

HomeTheatreSystem · 03/01/2022 14:57

Tangential but something like a crochet hook, thick tapestry needle or knitting needle rather than an actual slim sharp sewing needle might be involved. Can you show him some pictures of the above and ask him which one it most closely resembled?

LIZS · 03/01/2022 14:58

Is she still an employee? Why would she have taken him to her house? The needle in eye sounds really odd. Could he have seen something and got confused?

RidingMyBike · 03/01/2022 14:58

Report it to your local social services - there should be details on your council's website. They will probably follow up with some Qs but can use the information to get a fuller picture eg if there have been other complaints about the same person.

LIZS · 03/01/2022 15:02

You need to be careful about asking him about it if you intend to follow it up officially.

ProfessorSillyStuff · 03/01/2022 15:03

Maybe she told him not to tell - "cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye" etc ie if you tell I will stick a needle in your eye and he can't explain properly?

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 03/01/2022 15:03

Don't think the needle is likely to be true
As someone else said the unprompted disclosure about the park is probably true and sounds like she did lose her temper with him
If you give a child a lot of attention for disclosing something and you keep on asking then they may make something else up to try to please you. I would not ask him anymore. What you have is enough anyway isn't it to make sure she never sees him again.

AdviceNeeded367 · 03/01/2022 15:03

I wonder whether your son is making these things up because he has enjoyed spending time with you while you’ve been on maternity leave and doesn’t want you to go back to work and be with the nanny again.