DS just told me nanny hit him

[ncnewbaby]

I've been on maternity leave so he hasn't seen her for months. She looked after DS from when he was 1 to 3. He's now almost 4.

But I randomly said 'don't worry' to him in her first language (that she used exclusively with him) and he said (with a lot of question-answer), 'That's what "Jane" said. She was very angry when I was at the park and said I had to come in now. She hit me with a blanket when I was at her house. I cried and tried to run away but I didn't know how and she found me and hit me again.'

I asked if there was anything else and he said when he was at the park she pinched him "super-sharp" and he cried but she pinched him more.

I asked why he didn't tell me before and he said "I just didn't."

I asked him if there was anything more and he told me she poked him with a needle in his eye

I don't know what to do in this situation. Any experience or advice?

@Justheretoaskaquestion91 you cant make sure she isnt allowed to nanny for anyone else. You can report it and Ofsted will decide.

When I met DSS he was 4 and he told me his Dad hurt him. I then worried about what to do. Until about 20 minutes later when he tripped over a toy and then told his Dad I had hurt him. We spoke to his Mum and she said he was doing this all the time and did for a couple of months. He was absolutely adamant it had happened and would be very indignant if not believed. He then stopped and it never happened again. Although your son must be believed and investigated please be aware at that age they can make things up or misremember events.

Did you notice he was reluctant to go to the nanny? (Our DS loved going to the childminder, and I remember being upset one Saturday, when he realised he wasn't going that day, and he burst into tears!)

I also immediately thought the needle incident sounded unlikely. Let's hope it is.
The other stuff rings true, unfortunately. Hope you can get to the bottom of it.

You've asked a lot of very leading questions here so it's hard to determine whether this is something you need to report to the police, as other posters have suggested.

If you believe your child then end this nanny's contract and find someone else. But I must admit I'm very dubious of this, the needle in the eye especially is 99.99% bullshit.

Children often perceive things a lot differently to what most would. My youngest for example told me once that DFIL had hit her with a stick. Turns out it was the middle of some wrapping paper and he bopped her on the head with it, did it to all the GC over at the time while they were sat at the table on his way to the recycling bin - they all attested to it being the lightest tap. So I'd always take anything like this with a pinch of salt

@ncnewbaby

I also found red marks on his back once when she looked after him and tried to ask him about them but he refused to talk and ran away, which was worrying at the time because very different to his usual behaviour. I asked her about it and she said he fell in the bath which I was suspicious of because it didn't look like something that would have come from that.

To be honest I thought when I read about the needle poking thing that this is unlikely to be true but what you've written above sounds concerning. It's very difficult to say at this age but I am surprised at how msby things DD (5) still remembers from when she was about 3 so it's not impossible for him to remember.

I'd report it honestly (as in you don't have concrete evidence but this is what your child said.) If someone else has raised the matter it might give it more weight. I'm sorry you have to deal.with this.

@RoyalFamilyFan

That’s what I mean, really. She can take steps at least

Reported @ArchibaldsDaddy for goady trolling. No one real is that sanctimonious and rude.

It sounds pretty implausible to me too … given his age, and time lapse since last seeing her. He has a new sibling by the sounds of it - I think he’s more likely mixing things up/making up stories …. I’m pretty sure you’d have known at the time if she’d stuck a needle in his eye!

@ArchibaldsDaddy Thanks, didn't ask.

Presumably you have childcare while carrying out your brilliant senior management role.

Thanks again everyone. Honestly it's a relief hearing how kids make things up at this age, even if I can't be sure what happened.

(And will obviously err on the side of caution)

@ncnewbaby I know you are probably worried that she had been abusing him.
I think that sounds very unlikely. She may or may not have been too rough with him in the park for example. But it does not sound like ongoing abuse that a needle in the eye scenario would suggest.

@Namechangehereandnow

It sounds pretty implausible to me too … given his age, and time lapse since last seeing her. He has a new sibling by the sounds of it - I think he’s more likely mixing things up/making up stories …. I’m pretty sure you’d have known at the time if she’d stuck a needle in his eye!

This

Maybe something happened at the park

And janes daughter - what age is she to make such a comment

But no obviously no one should hurt your child

Least you are not using her anymore

@ncnewbaby

What does erring on the side of caution entail? How are you going to proceed?

I can confirm that small children can make up stories (lie) about stuff. One of my grandchildren doesn't do this at all, or almost never. The other one does and is very convincing. It's not malicious. They have a very vivid imagination and great acting skills. The terrible limp had his mum believing it for a while. It miraculously cured itself while at nursery. Today he told us that he wasn't fed yesterday apart from porridge for breakfast. Later gave us a long list of all the food he was actually given. He's 6. I'm thinking acting lessons may channel his creativity.

I'm not saying don't believe your child, but I would tread carefully, especially if part of it sounds unlikely.

It sounds pretty implausible to me too … given his age, and time lapse since last seeing her. He has a new sibling by the sounds of it - I think he’s more likely mixing things up/making up stories …. I’m pretty sure you’d have known at the time if she’d stuck a needle in his eye!

I agree!

It’s very, very rare for a nanny to hurt a child as they don’t want to risk their job.

She looked after him for two years, as his mother you would have definitely noticed if something was up. You don’t seem the type to just ignore something that seems off considering you’re on here asking about it, so I’m pretty confident that you would have picked up on it at the time.

To me it seems like when you spoke to him in nanny's language, you reminded him of her and the possibility he may be looked after by her again at some point, and not you.

I think it's quite telling that the 'abuse' got more violent with each admission and he was possibly feeding off your response/reaction.. and feeding you in return.

The marks on him after a fall in the bath are plausible... baths are slippery and hard - marks would moreso be apparent if he'd landed on bony bits.

Both my youngest 2, 7 and 5, lie quite a bit, for either attention or to get out of trouble. Preschool called me in once as 1 had told them his grandad hits him (totally no truth in this).

When I was 19, my 4yo cousin told his mother that I had told him off for antagonising his sister- this was true.
This then spiralled into a tale that I had hit him and called him a 'silly little bitch'- no idea where he got that one from, I suspect he'd overheard something on tv!

Of course I'd done nothing of the sort. His mother called my Nan accusing me. THANK GOD, he'd said it happened at a very specific point and my Nan had been there the entire time so she was able to put her right.

Kids of this age DO lie. It doesn't mean they're bad kids- my cousin is an adult now and a great young man.

I think the blanket thing sounds plausible, especially as you were told unprompted.

The needle in the eye did not happen so don't dwell on that.

If you seriously think your son was poked in the eye with a needle and another child witnessed it you need to call the police

I, personally, believe the needle story. It sounds like Bad Nanny possibly threatened him with an actual needle. And probably had it close to hand.

Bad Nanny's daughter saw her in action, which is where she mentioned about not hurting OP's son.

Of course, I'm only speculating..

@anordinarymum your three year old grandson needs to respect your animals and your house. Say he hit your oor dog and she bit him in defence where does that leave you? I'm not in favour of allowing a child regardless of age to be cruel to an animal and it certainly wouldn't happen in my home. There are ways to deter this behaviour.

OP when I was three my nursery teacher smacked me across the face, I remember it to this day. I told my mother at the time and she had a meeting with the head teacher and the nursery nurse who blatantly denied any wrongdoing. I did however see the nursery nurse years later when I was an adult, when I challenged her she apologised for what she had done.

You would almost certainly know if she had poked him in the eye with a needle! He would have been in absolute agony for several days (screaming/running/blurry eyes). So that then makes it difficult to assess the other allegations. Has he remembered it all correctly, has he imagined or dreamt of part of it? Is part of it true? I think that you need to think back to his behaviour at the time? Did he go happily along to see her? Did he become withdrawn? It's an extremely difficult one. However, I would leave it a day or two and then gently ask again to see if his version of events remains the same. If in doubt, use a different childminder.