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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS just told me nanny hit him

149 replies

ncnewbaby · 03/01/2022 14:19

I've been on maternity leave so he hasn't seen her for months. She looked after DS from when he was 1 to 3. He's now almost 4.

But I randomly said 'don't worry' to him in her first language (that she used exclusively with him) and he said (with a lot of question-answer), 'That's what "Jane" said. She was very angry when I was at the park and said I had to come in now. She hit me with a blanket when I was at her house. I cried and tried to run away but I didn't know how and she found me and hit me again.'

I asked if there was anything else and he said when he was at the park she pinched him "super-sharp" and he cried but she pinched him more.

I asked why he didn't tell me before and he said "I just didn't."

I asked him if there was anything more and he told me she poked him with a needle in his eye Hmm

I don't know what to do in this situation. Any experience or advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
ncnewbaby · 03/01/2022 16:22

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies interesting, yes long acrylic nails

@UnshakenNeedsStirring that's awful Sad can I ask which country?

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 03/01/2022 16:24

Was he happy when he was with her??

You could certainly report it if you want, but judging by the needle in the eye line I do think it could be entirely fictional.

zingally · 03/01/2022 16:31

I don't believe the needle story. You asked a lot of leading questions, and he came up with the needle story because he thought you wanted to hear something.

Last time he saw her was "months ago", when he was only 3 (and is now 4). To a child that sort of age, "months ago" may as well be a lifetime ago. There probably is some truth in the blanket and pinching reports, but they've likely got very twisted/warped in the time that has followed.

Maybe it could even have been that he had a bad dream about her. When I was a similar age, I used to have bad dreams about my mum turning into some sort of "evil" version, and chasing me down the street. One time, I hit her the next morning, for being "mean" to me in my dream.

Summerfun54321 · 03/01/2022 16:36

You don’t have to be the one to believe him or not believe him, you just have to follow it up and let professionals decide what to do. Yes kids can make things up, but to make all these things up is a bit of a stretch. I expect there is some truth in there somewhere.

MargaretThursday · 03/01/2022 16:43

Problem is firstly you've asked leading questions so it will be very difficult to get to the bottom of things.
Children can answer leading questions because they think it's expected. I remember one child in my dc's form whose mum was convinced they would be bullied, and when they came out of school every day she would ask "did anyone do anything to you? Were they nasty to you today?" Child would make it up and say things that hadn't happened. It made things very difficult because mum would say "why should she say this happened if it didn't?" Which is a fair enough thought, except sometimes it was impossible to have happened (other child away, equipment item not out etc.) and she wouldn't accept it.

Second thing is that children do see things differently. DD2 at that age told me "Mrs A hit me and shouted at me." It was true from her side.
Real terms was she was running where she shouldn't have been and ran into Mrs A who said "You shouldn't be running". I have a reliable independent witness for this so this isn't the case of simply dismissing dd2.
I'm pretty confident (knowing dd2) that if I'd asked her if Mrs A had hit her before she'd have said yes and given another time. I'm also confident Mrs A never hit her at any point.

Anordinarymum · 03/01/2022 16:49

My three year old grandson is as bright as a button. He is fully capable of telling lies and embellishing a story depending upon the reaction of the recipient.

He is a wonderful little boy but he is also cruel to my dog, given half a chance he will whack her with whatever he is holding, and chase her around.

He also torments my cats. They run and hide from him. He is very capable of being kind but only when he has an audience.

It's knowing your child and what they are capable of that is key here. A three or four year old is still a baby but is also learning language and reaction and if they see you look shocked or horrified they know they have something there !

He told his mum recently that' Granny' hit him. My other 11 year old grandson was there and told her it was not true. He had run into the kitchen and fallen and hurt his arm. We were both there and saw it happen. He ran upstairs and told her I had hit him and she believed him !
Had it not been for my grandson telling her the truth I think she would not have believed me because why on earth would a three year old lie?

Well they do ..LOL

RoyalFamilyFan · 03/01/2022 16:51

You are not going to trust him with her ever again. So sack her and report it.
The needle in the eye is obviously not true. The being hit by a blanket sounds to me like an accident i.e. sitting on a blanket in the park, when you get up to go and lift it up a corner accidentally hits him. I suspect the nanny did pinch or grab him at the park a bit roughly. This may have been justified e.g. grabbing him when he tried to run away towards the gate by a road, or it may not have been. You may never know.

Soontobe60 · 03/01/2022 16:53

@TooMuchSugar22

I swear if that was me, I'd confront her. If it's obvious she's done it or admit it. I would not be responsible for my actions! I'd knock her out. How dare anyone hurt a child!! I don't smack my own kids I sure as shit wouldn't allow anyone else to harm a hair on their head. And my opinion may be unpopular but my god that woman wouldnt know what hit her!
Your children would just love you being in prison after assaulting someone, wouldn’t they?
girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 16:53

@ncnewbaby

Thanks for the responses. I stopped asking him after the needle...

As others have said it probably wasn't specifically that, and maybe entirely made up, but hard not to know what's actually happened.

I don't think you can trust her again either way. And it'll be awful to send him to her if he does remember these things - even if he's mis-remembered
SunshineCake1 · 03/01/2022 16:56

@NellieBertram

Employee or grandma?

Not really anything you can do about your 3 year old telling you things that may or may not have happened months ago.

This is nonsense. Of course you can do something . Either tell her what he has said and say obviously her contract has been terminated or do nothing and hope he's making it up Hmm.
TippingPoint65218 · 03/01/2022 16:56

It is the LADO (Local authority designated officer) you need to contact at the authority you live in. Their number will be online. They are responsible for managing allegations against professionals working with children.

thickthighs73 · 03/01/2022 16:56

Install a nanny cam

RoyalFamilyFan · 03/01/2022 17:02

Don't install a nannycam. If you have to do this, there is no point in continuing with the nanny. You have to trust the person who is looking after your child.
It is also illegal to film someone at work without telling them you could be.

3WildOnes · 03/01/2022 17:03

I would absolutely report to the police. It won’t go anywhere in that she won’t be prosecuted as there wouldn’t be enough evidence this far since the incidents however, it will very likely show up on any future DBS checks.

musicviking1 · 03/01/2022 17:11

I think it's concerning how many adults don't believe children. If my child told me something like this I'd be reporting.

girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 17:13

@thickthighs73

Install a nanny cam
And wait for her to hit him again?
RoyalFamilyFan · 03/01/2022 17:13

@musicviking1 I said to report it. But no I don't believe the nanny stabbed him in the eye with a needle. And I know hoe children this age can say of accidents that the person hit them.

NellieBertram · 03/01/2022 17:13

@SunshineCake1 the nanny already hasn't been employed by the OP for months, they don't see her anymore.

SunshineCake1 · 03/01/2022 17:19

[quote NellieBertram]@SunshineCake1 the nanny already hasn't been employed by the OP for months, they don't see her anymore.[/quote]
I know that now. Are you going to tell everyone else the same who posted before seeing that part?

NellieBertram · 03/01/2022 17:21

No you quoted me so I replied to you Confused

Drunkpanda · 03/01/2022 17:21

@musicviking1

I think it's concerning how many adults don't believe children. If my child told me something like this I'd be reporting.
You'd believe the needle bit?
NellieBertram · 03/01/2022 17:22

It was literally the first line of the OP so I would assume you'd have seen it...

MerryChristmas21 · 03/01/2022 17:23

@Dontgetyerknicksinatwist

Don’t let her anywhere near him again and report her. Might be worth getting an optician to check his eyes.
This place gets more ridiculous by the day!!
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 03/01/2022 17:30

Needle in the eye is clearly bollocks. Unless she was threatening him with that. Or he means something else.

The red marks on the back and everything else is concerning though. Yes, 3 year olds can lie, but as you were sceptical re the marks and her excuse it’s worth looking into. Is she supposed to come back after your mat leave? If she has actually hurt your son you need to take steps to ensure she isn’t allowed to nanny for someone else.

BerthaBlythe · 03/01/2022 17:31

I don’t think I’d continue using that nanny if he believes that those things happened.

It’s important to provide reassurance and a sense of safety.

Children can tell extraordinary tales and it’s disingenuous to just call it lying. It’s not done with the intent to deceive or manipulate but stems from an evolutionary imperative to please caregivers.

I’d stop discussing it at this point and seek expert advice, from someone with experience and training in this area. In fact, if you report this, I’d advice that you take great care not to let just anyone question him.

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