To think it is not appropriate to put Harry Potter on for a 4.5 year old??

[Athysuisse]

I dropped my daughter off at her Grandma's (my MIL) yesterday afternoon as my husband and I have had very little time to be together one on one and she offered. We grabbed a bite to eat and went for a walk. Altogether gone about 4 hours.

We returned to get her and I asked what they had been up to. My MIL proudly told me they had watched the first Harry Potter together.

My daughter is 4.5 years old and up until now has only watched things like Peppa Pig, Cocomelon, Peter Rabbit, Frozen etc. I didn't say anything to her then, but told my OH soon as we got in the car that I felt that was too mature for her.

He accused me of just nitpicking. I asked my daughter if the film was ok and she said 'it was ok, but a bit scary.' Sure enough, last night she came into our bed and said she had a bad dream.

I told my OH I thought her bad dream was because of what she had watched. He told me I am being extreme and it is a harmless film. I still feel annoyed by it though! It doesn't feel totally innocent given its dark theme. I wouldn't mind if she was a few years older, but 4.5 seems a bit young for that stuff. AIBU?

People can be in a mad rush to get in first on 'milestones' and it sounds like that was what your MIL was doing.

Maybe she was just trying to do something nice with her granddaughter?

@BurntToastAgain

People can be in a mad rush to get in first on 'milestones' and it sounds like that was what your MIL was doing.

Maybe she was just trying to do something nice with her granddaughter?

At this time of year Harry Potter is on ITV almost constantly (I don't know if it was yesterday but that's not relevant).

It'd be really easy to get halfway through 'watching' it in the background before even considering what's actually on the tv.

and I just said “let’s go and play a game because this film is too scary for you” - dd didn’t hear anything beyond “game” so the rest of the sentence was for mil

🙄
She probably only got scared because you made it more of a big deal than you needed to and overreacted because of your need to be passive aggressive with MIL. Don’t pretend she didn’t hear the full sentence.

The first HP is the most mild of the lot I’d say and I can’t really see much issue with this. I don’t think my 3 year old DS would care for it much, it’s a bit long to grab his attention but doubt he’d be scared.

My DC at the same age found Frozen upsetting and the Lion King really distressing.

Some DC get much more emotionally involved in films, while others seem to view from them a distance and don't feel particularly involved or affected at all.

My daughter has watched most of the HP movies with me and her older brothers. She loves it! She just covers her eyes if it gets scary.

Are people confused with a U? PG’s are aimed at 8 plus.

@MyDcAreMarvel

Are people confused with a U? PG’s are aimed at 8 plus.

No they're not. PG suggests parental supervision/discretion.

Agree, OP, far too scary. Though it probably depends a bit on the child.

@RipWheeler

My children would have been frightened and had nightmares. The first movie is PG which means it’s for the 8+, some of the subsequent films are 12. I found the ratings were about right. Have to confess I cannot watch horror of any sort so we may well be a ‘sensitive’ family.

My best friend is a huge Matrix fan and watched the first two films at home on dvd with her then 4 year old. She said he loved them! I was pretty shocked as I find them scary as an adult. Unfortunately he has suffered with severe mental illness all his life and is living in an institution now. I’ve always wondered if the films he was watching contributed. Obviously I’ve never said anything as my friend has enough to worry about. This is a true story but I know some of you will roll your eyes.

This, genuinely, is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read. Unless her then 4 yo was being actually plugged into the matrix a la Keanu Reeves, it is vanishingly unlikely it caused his mental health problems.

I wouldn’t be too impressed with MIL either TbH - we did watch it together when DD was 4.5, but we’d read the book twice (back to back because she was so taken with hermione 🤦🏼‍♀️😂) and she had the context of it, but still found it scary. We are doing one book a year as they get very dark (book 4 😭😭). I don’t think I’d have just put it on if she’d not had the book read to her!

My parents tend to stick on documentaries narrated by David Attenborough!

I think you’re better off with your MiL showing Harry Potter to a 4 year old (my 4 year old has seen it because by 10 year old is potter mad so he’s been indoctrinated earlier!) than the animal kingdom ripping each other apart.

And no @RipWheeler. Your friends son does not have mental health issues so severe that he cannot live independently because he watched the matrix.

My dd watched it at about 5 but she watched films like frozen and bambi at 2 which I think are similar in terms of horror rating for kids. She wasn't fazed by it at all but I do know friends of hers who now at 8 can't watch it as they find it too scary. She has watched all of them now and loves them but she has chosen to and not had it forced upon her.

The only thing that matters is how you feel about it. If your relationship with your mil is OK just explain you don't feel she's old enough

My 4yr old DS is Harry Potter mad! (Turned 4 a few weeks ago). Some children are more emotionally mature, some are more sensitive, children all like different things.
He's been watching all the HP movies since he was 3, understands the plots, knows all the characters and which houses they're in, has some HP Lego, is booked for his second trip to the studios next summer. He also loves the Jurrasic World/Park movies and has a really impressive knowledge of dinosaurs - he doesn't want to watch cartoon dinosaurs as he loves the realistic ones.
I'm in no hurry for him to grow up but I also am keen to allow him to develop his genuine interests if I feel it's appropriate. He loves movies and magic, talks about HP being about friendship and courage. And loves learning about Dinosaurs and the different periods that they lived, volcanos, meteorites etc
He hasn't shown a moment of ever being scared as he understands movies are pretend and just finds them interesting.

In contrast he's scared of heights, hates trampolines and screamed on the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland Paris. So lots of things that would be classed as for his age.

I don't get the HP hype at all, never have, so I am biased, but the relative maybe should have checked with you first.

I think there were better films to choose - it is a bit scary, and a lot of the plot will have gone over her head.

But I expect grandma simply hunted for a children's movie, rated PG, that she could bear to watch herself. I doubt she sat back and watched your dd getting scared. Your dd may even have chosen it. So no, I wouldn't be cross but I'd mention that she was a bit scared afterwards incase mil thinks she can watch the other movies next time.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

I think this thread demonstrates greatly why we are now living in a world where children and young people are increasingly suffering with anxiety, mental health issues etc.

Kids need to learn resilience, emotions are normal and healthy, fear, anxiousness, being upset. Kids need to learn that these emotions are just as natural as being happy, excited etc. Not ever letting them feel these emotions and protecting them from them is so damaging and doing them no favours whatsoever.

Yes but you need to learn those skills through real life, not by watching a made up fantasy film!

Im sure that is fine and some 4,5 year olds would enjoy it

It all depends on your child OP, Harry Potter and the philosophers stone is a pg and you’ve got to assume your DC didn’t seem scared when watching it. My DC is the same age and loves it , plays and watches it and likes the book at bedtime but any films after 2 are way too dark for him. However if she’s still watching peppa pig and coco melon Harry Potter is going to be way above her head … best to ask your mil to wait a few years!

I agree with letting kids experience a range of emotions but you also don't want kids being terrified to the point where they won't sleep. Even now, as adults, I have friends who will not watch horror films as it upsets them and causes nightmares or lack of sleep, whereas I can watch them and just find them enjoyable

For me it's the sort of film you ask the parents permission to show.

@Athysuisse

If it had been my parents I would have probably said it right then and there. I held my tongue because she is my MIL.

My parents tend to stick on documentaries narrated by David Attenborough! My MIL and I do have a decent relationship so I don't have an issue with her specifically. I think it was more just that I know my daughter gets spooked by things quite easily so I thought 'Great, now we will have dreams of Voldemort..!' She suffered from night terrors for 18 months and then it moved onto regular nightmares. We are finally at a nightmare roughly every two weeks. I think I panicked that it would up the number of nightmares! She did have a bad dream last night but it could be coincidence. She seems fine today. I won't make a deal of it with my MIL, but will just note no HP next time!

As a 35 year old I sit behind a cushion watching David Attenborough documentaries as I find animals ripping each other apart traumatic! I would be much happier with my 3 year old watching Harry Potter than that, she has seen the first Harry Potter and enjoys it and doesn’t find it scary at all, I wouldn’t put 3 onwards on though as I don’t think she’d be able to follow it.

I remember taking my little one off to nurse to a nap while the others were watching the first HP in friends' lounge - so I imagine S1 and friends' daughter would have been 4 or 5.

Doesn't appear to have done them any harm.

(A few years later we watched it again, and at the crucial point S2 exclaimed "run, Harry Pottermus!")

The only time S1 woke in the night upset by anything he'd watched was (aged 7) after School Reunion. He'd been looking forward so much to K9's return...

YANBU in my opinion.

My 7 yr old and his younger brother 6 yrs havent seen it because I know it would scare him and we are already having bad dreams because of other things I let them watch and it turned out it was a mistake. Kids can be super sensitive and not show it til way after the fact. Their little brains perhaps won’t process something properly there and then but month later they can and then they start thinking about it and getting scared and bad dreams.

That said, I think grandparents sometimes forget what is appropriate and what they would have allowed at that age.

I wanted to let my kids watch Indiana Jones recently and as we started I started to remember all the scary bits…. Melting faces, ghosts, nazis with leather coats and clothes hangers….. I turned it off after 5 mins.

But it’s done now. I would just text MIL and say ‘oh dear. DD had a nightmare last night because of Harry Potter. Obviously still a bit young! Maybe stick to Peppe Pig and Frozen for now! Thanks for babysitting! See you soon’

It doesnt have to be confrontational but she does need to know.

@girlmom21 read the rest of the PG description PG stands for Parental Guidance. This means a film is suitable for general viewing, but some scenes may be unsuitable for younger children. A PG film should not disturb a child aged around eight or older.