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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is not appropriate to put Harry Potter on for a 4.5 year old??

164 replies

Athysuisse · 03/01/2022 12:56

I dropped my daughter off at her Grandma's (my MIL) yesterday afternoon as my husband and I have had very little time to be together one on one and she offered. We grabbed a bite to eat and went for a walk. Altogether gone about 4 hours.

We returned to get her and I asked what they had been up to. My MIL proudly told me they had watched the first Harry Potter together.

My daughter is 4.5 years old and up until now has only watched things like Peppa Pig, Cocomelon, Peter Rabbit, Frozen etc. I didn't say anything to her then, but told my OH soon as we got in the car that I felt that was too mature for her.

He accused me of just nitpicking. I asked my daughter if the film was ok and she said 'it was ok, but a bit scary.' Sure enough, last night she came into our bed and said she had a bad dream.

I told my OH I thought her bad dream was because of what she had watched. He told me I am being extreme and it is a harmless film. I still feel annoyed by it though! It doesn't feel totally innocent given its dark theme. I wouldn't mind if she was a few years older, but 4.5 seems a bit young for that stuff. AIBU?

OP posts:
MissM2912 · 03/01/2022 13:51

Exactly- loads of the Disney films are scary and upsetting.

HPFA · 03/01/2022 13:52

Possibly the film is a bit old for a four year old but it's not exactly Driller Killer.

I wouldn't be that bothered about it.

Frazzled2207 · 03/01/2022 13:53

It’s very long. I’m surprised a 4.5 yo would be engaged with it that long tbh. My 6yo sat through it relatively recently and liked it. Not sure he would have at 4.5 but don’t think it would have done him any harm

RosieRabbit17 · 03/01/2022 13:54

My eldest is also 4 and a half and loves Harry Potter! He's only watched the first 4 films as I think it's becomes a bit dark after that. We're currently reading the 2nd book too. I definitely don't think the first film is scary.

Original poster
Athysuisse · 03/01/2022 13:57

Agree that most Disney films have death and that is quite hard for kids. My daughter does get sad by the scene in Frozen where the ship goes down so I forward past it!

She may be more sensitive, I was at that age. And to be fair, I still detest proper horror films. The horror film Mirrors gave me nightmares for weeks and I felt spooked every time I looked in a mirror! She might be like her mummy!

OP posts:
TwinkleTwinkleLittleStarFightr · 03/01/2022 13:58

You’re going to love it when they are school age and their teacher sticks a video on to keep then entertained when they do marking.

My DS1 was quite a sensitive soul, and we had several times when he was quite upset at having been made to watch movies that we felt were too old for him (and no escaping it in a classroom setting).

AsYouWishButtercup · 03/01/2022 14:01

@MissM2912

Children need to learn resilience. It is a children’s film. Wise up. She will get over it! Think of some of the crap we watched as children! 101 Dalmatians, Dumbo, Jim will fix it 🙈
Exactly! I really can’t subscribe to the idea that children should only ever extremely happy, never face the smallest bit of adversity and never have natural feelings of fear, anxiety etc. you aren’t just raising kids, your raising people who will be adults one day and I think some people have forgotten how important resilience is.
AsYouWishButtercup · 03/01/2022 14:03

@Athysuisse

Agree that most Disney films have death and that is quite hard for kids. My daughter does get sad by the scene in Frozen where the ship goes down so I forward past it!

She may be more sensitive, I was at that age. And to be fair, I still detest proper horror films. The horror film Mirrors gave me nightmares for weeks and I felt spooked every time I looked in a mirror! She might be like her mummy!

Honestly you’re not doing her favours by fast forwarding that bit. Just explain Anna and Elsa’s mummy and daddy died in an accident, it would happen in those days with ships sometimes but nothing to worry about it’s just a film
Fink · 03/01/2022 14:03

I probably sound like a snob, but in our house you don't get to watch a film based on a book until you have either read the book or had it read to you. If she's too young to listen to the book as a bedtime story (which she obviously is), then she's too young to watch the film.

Also, at 4 she probably doesn't have the attention span to watch a whole film.

BurntToastAgain · 03/01/2022 14:03

@endofthelinefinally

Your husband is ignorant. He needs to learn some basic things about child development and parenting. Generally I think the HP books were intended to be read according to the age of the character of Harry. The visuals in the films are pretty terrifying for a small child and get progressively more scary with each one. MIL is very irresponsible too.
I’m not sure that there’s a Harry Potter domain of development.

It’s a PG film. Aimed at families. It’s not the human caterpillar.

It might be worth asking yourself if you helped your daughter here OP. She got in the car and you started talking about how it was too mature for her, too scary etc. So she told you it was a bit scary. And then had a bad dream.

Even if it’s not what you’d have chosen to do with her, sometimes there’s value in jollying it all along with kids rather than focusing on the bits that might be scary etc.

Odoreida · 03/01/2022 14:03

@WrongWayApricot a school friend made his dad smash the video of Watership Down with a hammer so that the film wouldn't exist any more

NellieBertram · 03/01/2022 14:04

Dc1 can definitely only watch CBeebies and U movies with the very mildest peril.

Dc3 aged 4.5 has probably never seen a U but has seen all the Star Wars movies, Jurassic Park and the Meg Blush

Not unreasonable to put on a PG kids film for a 4yo, but also fine to ask them to stick to Us in the future.

Odoreida · 03/01/2022 14:04

And re HP, it depends on the child. Worth saying to MIL that they had a nightmare (while thanking her for the time off for you which sounds v enjoyable).

Lacedwithgrace · 03/01/2022 14:07

YANBU. But HP isn't allowed in our house anyway.

Ozanj · 03/01/2022 14:08

Depends on the child. DS is 2 and loves the first HP movie - he can’t sit through all of it in one go but will watch it in 3 parts. His favourite bits are the beginning when & he already understands that Harry’s aunt and uncle are ‘naughty’ and hurting him so he was so happy when Hagrid took him away.

MargaretThursday · 03/01/2022 14:08

Depends on the child.
DD1 loved Harry Potter 1 & 2 at that age.
DD2 found Finding Nemo too scary at older than that so definitely not Harry Potter.
Ds would have been fine, but wasn't interested in stories and spent his time watching documentaries about WWII/planes.

I was more like DD2 and had to be taken out of the cinema during Bedknobs and Broomsticks. I still don't generally watch much above a 12A, and often that only through my fingers.

Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis · 03/01/2022 14:09

I think it depends on the child. Mine would have been fine watching it at that age.

But that doesn't mean you are overreacting. You know your child.

girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 14:10

It’s not the human caterpillar.

You're mixing two films at extreme ends of the spectrum there Grin

BeefSupreme · 03/01/2022 14:11

ask them to stick to Us in the future

Us? The clone horror film?

Newuser82 · 03/01/2022 14:11

@Jessicabrassica

DD didn't watch it until we'd read it. She was probably y1/2 (5 or6). She then read all of the others and was allowed to watch them after she'd read them. Only the first gave her nightmares. Voldemort was more scary than her imagination could create. We stopped at the first 4 until the kids were 8 then allowed them to read the final one at 10. They had to read them first!
Yes we made our son read them before he was allowed to watch them.
100problems · 03/01/2022 14:13

I think you deciding to let this one go is the best tack.

Best thing I found was to supply grandparents with a pile of DVD they could watch with the kids.

Guess you'd need to write a list of stuff that can be streamed these days.

I think folk move onto more sophisticated themes a bit soon largely due to the number of times they've watched every single Peppa episode (even though I could watch George I've skating every day))

HariboBrenshnio · 03/01/2022 14:14

If it was HP one or two, I don't see a problem. My kids have literally grown up on them, their first viewing was probably age 2. I love them and they are PG.

My 6&8 year old have seen all the films now and my 6 year old says Voldemort is her favourite character. I'm not saying we should purposefully scare our kids but I'd much rather they were watching things as imaginative and creative as HP rather than YouTube or peppa pig.

Newyearnewme2022 · 03/01/2022 14:14

I think my youngest had watched a couple of Harry Potter films by the time he was 4, he has older siblings. You are being precious and please don’t avoid the subject of death, films like Frozen and The Lion King are great for a very gentle first discussion about death.

ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind · 03/01/2022 14:14

@girlmom21

It’s not the human caterpillar.

You're mixing two films at extreme ends of the spectrum there Grin

Grin

Not the very hungry human caterpillar?! 🤢

kiki22 · 03/01/2022 14:15

It's a PG it's fine. In my experience the adults scare the children by making a big deal about the scary bits. It's much better to teach kids how to manage fear than avoid it and movies can be a great way of showing children range of emotion and how to deal with it.