To think it is not appropriate to put Harry Potter on for a 4.5 year old??

[Athysuisse]

I dropped my daughter off at her Grandma's (my MIL) yesterday afternoon as my husband and I have had very little time to be together one on one and she offered. We grabbed a bite to eat and went for a walk. Altogether gone about 4 hours.

We returned to get her and I asked what they had been up to. My MIL proudly told me they had watched the first Harry Potter together.

My daughter is 4.5 years old and up until now has only watched things like Peppa Pig, Cocomelon, Peter Rabbit, Frozen etc. I didn't say anything to her then, but told my OH soon as we got in the car that I felt that was too mature for her.

He accused me of just nitpicking. I asked my daughter if the film was ok and she said 'it was ok, but a bit scary.' Sure enough, last night she came into our bed and said she had a bad dream.

I told my OH I thought her bad dream was because of what she had watched. He told me I am being extreme and it is a harmless film. I still feel annoyed by it though! It doesn't feel totally innocent given its dark theme. I wouldn't mind if she was a few years older, but 4.5 seems a bit young for that stuff. AIBU?

The first one is absolutely fine for a child of 4. The later ones not so much. I think you’re being nit picky with someone who is clearly doing you a good turn to give you a break. If you start stressing and creating drama over stuff like this, then be prepared for your mil to turn round and tell you she won’t be taking care of your dd again, as you clearly don’t trust her judgement.

My children would have been frightened and had nightmares. The first movie is PG which means it’s for the 8+, some of the subsequent films are 12. I found the ratings were about right. Have to confess I cannot watch horror of any sort so we may well be a ‘sensitive’ family.

My best friend is a huge Matrix fan and watched the first two films at home on dvd with her then 4 year old. She said he loved them! I was pretty shocked as I find them scary as an adult. Unfortunately he has suffered with severe mental illness all his life and is living in an institution now. I’ve always wondered if the films he was watching contributed. Obviously I’ve never said anything as my friend has enough to worry about. This is a true story but I know some of you will roll your eyes.

@AsYouWishButtercup

FGS some of you are so precious. Scaring children 😂 it’s a PG, I’m going to go against the grain and say a child being a bit scared of a couple of scenes in a PG film won’t only not kill them but may actually be good for them lest they grow up to be a tremendous big girls blouse who needs a night light and dolly to sleep at age 22

'Grow up as a big girls' blouse' wow do people still think/say things like this in this day and age

Most films are a bit OTT for children up to age 4, they're too long for starters, young kids are not designed to sit still for 1.5 hours. they should be playing and running about. I would never just 'put on' a Harry Potter film for a young kid. If they were expressing an interest, we'd start reading the book together and see how things went. Ideally I think they should wait til about 7 at the earliest, thankfully it really hasn't taken off in dds school year yet (y1) so she's not interested. For what it's worth she would have been terrified at age 4 too! Probably would still find it pretty scary at 6 now too, but it's not an issue as I'll wait til she shows an interest.

I agree with the poster saying that intense content is forced on children too young these days. Tv and film were much gentler in previous years. I am not as old as I sound, promise

I'd set a loose simple rule with the mil, only c beebies/frozen if you're comfortable with those. Tbh it is pretty lazy to put on a film when looking after 1 child for a few hours!

The first one isn’t scary - our dc all watched it fairly young, especially my youngest as the oldest was way beyond peppa pig so it was a compromise. However mil showed my eldest the final film, which is very scary and dark, when I’d explicitly said Dd was too young. Dh and I popped out leaving dd1 with mil and came back earlier than expected. I walked in and realised, dd came to hug me hello and I just said “let’s go and play a game because this film is too scary for you” - dd didn’t hear anything beyond “game” so the rest of the sentence was for mil. She’s so desperate to be dd1’s favourite grandma but I’d not worry about the first one.

The first two are absolutely fine. They get a bit dark after that.

I agree with the poster saying that intense content is forced on children too young these days. Tv and film were much gentler in previous years.

When? Because we've recently watched both Beauty and the Beast and Lion King (25-30 years old) and they're both pretty savage in different ways.

I will go over her head, not overly appropriate but no harm either. I doubt she understood it

I think this thread demonstrates greatly why we are now living in a world where children and young people are increasingly suffering with anxiety, mental health issues etc.

Kids need to learn resilience, emotions are normal and healthy, fear, anxiousness, being upset. Kids need to learn that these emotions are just as natural as being happy, excited etc. Not ever letting them feel these emotions and protecting them from them is so damaging and doing them no favours whatsoever.

By the way frozen isn't really aimed at 4 year olds either.

We watched all the HP films leading up to
Christmas, with our children 13, 10, 8 and the youngest who are 4.5.
The little ones obviously didn't understand a lot but they enjoyed watching them with us.
My children have all preferred watching films with a bit more action - Jaws, Jurassic Park, Kong, Pirates of the Caribbean, Narnia etc.

I bit too young I would think. DS is 8 now and he watched the first one at six, we had to have the remote control on standby the three headed dog and Voldemort’s head in the back of professor quirrels head was scary as was the turning to dust. Difficult to explain the child abuse to a four year old too as to why Harry has no mum and dad and his aunts family lock him in a cupboard. It won’t have harmed her though, lots of reassurance about things and hopefully when she’s older you can read the books together and start your own magical journey.

I haven't voted, but how would you had felt if it had been your parents and not dh's? you may say "oh they never would" but would you have felt the same if they had?

I would have been incensed that she'd been allowed to watch the film before reading the books, but they are a bit of a rite of passage in our household.

But yes, YANBU - way too old for a 4.5 year old. I would have felt the same as you.

I take no notice of film age ratings and decide on a case by case basis whether I deem films suitable for my own kids. It depends entirely on the child, some 4 year olds would be terrified and others wouldn't bay an eyelid. You know your child and how they are likely to react.

I let my nephew watch it when he was 3🙈 in my defense I was 15 and didn't know any better. He's 20 now and seemed to have survived it unscathed.

My 4yo has also seen Harry Potter as 6yo is a big fan after we read 1-4 for bedtime stories (and she now wants to go to Hogwarts ). I assume PG is to decide whether it is suitable for your own child so would recommend letting MIL know it was too scary for your child. Different children find different things scary. Mine weren’t bothered a jot by HP, but eldest is no longer allowed to watch Scooby Doo as it makes her worry at bedtime. Younger is a bit braver in general! We’re not reading past book four yet with 6yo as it gets a bit dark and I know she’s not ready. I think I may have skipped over certain sentences in the Goblet of Fire too as didn’t think they were appropriate. Both know they can’t watch past the 3rd film either as they are rated 12.

If it had been my parents I would have probably said it right then and there. I held my tongue because she is my MIL.

My parents tend to stick on documentaries narrated by David Attenborough! My MIL and I do have a decent relationship so I don't have an issue with her specifically. I think it was more just that I know my daughter gets spooked by things quite easily so I thought 'Great, now we will have dreams of Voldemort..!' She suffered from night terrors for 18 months and then it moved onto regular nightmares. We are finally at a nightmare roughly every two weeks. I think I panicked that it would up the number of nightmares! She did have a bad dream last night but it could be coincidence. She seems fine today. I won't make a deal of it with my MIL, but will just note no HP next time!

My parents tend to stick on documentaries narrated by David Attenborough!

Ah the ones where you see animals hunting and killing each other?

I think you're doing the right thing OP. Hopefully it's just a one off and your daughters ok tonight.

Tv and film were much gentler in previous years. I am not as old as I sound, promise

You’re wearing rose tinted glasses. Children’s films are much more sanitised these day than the past.

I agree with the poster saying that intense content is forced on children too young these days. Tv and film were much gentler in previous years. I am not as old as I sound, promise grin

You have seen bambi?

@RipWheeler

My children would have been frightened and had nightmares. The first movie is PG which means it’s for the 8+, some of the subsequent films are 12. I found the ratings were about right. Have to confess I cannot watch horror of any sort so we may well be a ‘sensitive’ family.

My best friend is a huge Matrix fan and watched the first two films at home on dvd with her then 4 year old. She said he loved them! I was pretty shocked as I find them scary as an adult. Unfortunately he has suffered with severe mental illness all his life and is living in an institution now. I’ve always wondered if the films he was watching contributed. Obviously I’ve never said anything as my friend has enough to worry about. This is a true story but I know some of you will roll your eyes.

Wow, that’s one of the most tremendous leaps I’ve ever seen on mn. You think The Matrix ruined his mental health? That’s actually quite a shocking and ignorant thing to say.

She's far too young for it. It's a PG, not a U (though, as it happens, so is Frozen, for the scary, fighting bits).

Different children respond very differently to the same films. You really have to follow the child's lead and get to know what will worry them, what go over their heads, what they'll enjoy. There is no universally 'right' answer.

People can be in a mad rush to get in first on 'milestones' and it sounds like that was what your MIL was doing.

It may also be that she and her DCs are quite insensitive to film content, so she's used to being able to show scary films to young children, without ill effects. Whereas you and your dd are more sensitive.

Being sensitive is not a bad thing and it's not going to change. It is part of who you and/or your dd are.

My DS(5) absolutely would not enjoy Harry Potter. He would find the idea of Harry not having parents too upsetting and basically everything from moment they get through the door to the third floor corridor would be too scary.
My friend's son (same age) loves the films and can sit and watch all of them with no fear at all.

I love HP so I'm going to let DS discover them when he's old enough...think I was 10ish?

Wow, that’s one of the most tremendous leaps I’ve ever seen on mn. You think The Matrix ruined his mental health? That’s actually quite a shocking and ignorant thing to say

Yeah, I had zero words for that one

My just turned 4 year old watches Harry Potter quite regularly (at her request!). We've only watched the first 4 films with her as I think the others are too dark. She is not particularly sensitive though and not prone to nightmares.

You know your own child and I don't think there's any harm in mentioning to your in laws that she was frightened, and to maybe stick with U rated films!