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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is not appropriate to put Harry Potter on for a 4.5 year old??

164 replies

Athysuisse · 03/01/2022 12:56

I dropped my daughter off at her Grandma's (my MIL) yesterday afternoon as my husband and I have had very little time to be together one on one and she offered. We grabbed a bite to eat and went for a walk. Altogether gone about 4 hours.

We returned to get her and I asked what they had been up to. My MIL proudly told me they had watched the first Harry Potter together.

My daughter is 4.5 years old and up until now has only watched things like Peppa Pig, Cocomelon, Peter Rabbit, Frozen etc. I didn't say anything to her then, but told my OH soon as we got in the car that I felt that was too mature for her.

He accused me of just nitpicking. I asked my daughter if the film was ok and she said 'it was ok, but a bit scary.' Sure enough, last night she came into our bed and said she had a bad dream.

I told my OH I thought her bad dream was because of what she had watched. He told me I am being extreme and it is a harmless film. I still feel annoyed by it though! It doesn't feel totally innocent given its dark theme. I wouldn't mind if she was a few years older, but 4.5 seems a bit young for that stuff. AIBU?

OP posts:
ToastieSnowy · 03/01/2022 13:31

The deathly hallows films are rated 12A. Haven’t looked at the rest

Original poster
Athysuisse · 03/01/2022 13:32

If your 2 year old understands global warming or too much plastic in the sea, then I salute you! My daughter only recently learned about it after I read her a story about it and explained why we need to recycle.

OP posts:
LethargicActress · 03/01/2022 13:33

Apart from the fact that your dd is too young, I’d be pissed off that someone showed them the film before they’d had the chance to read the book. But then I was a mean mother that made my dc read the books before watching the films.

shouldistop · 03/01/2022 13:33

I have a 5.5yo and I think it's too old for him. Maybe when he's 7.
It's probably an innocent mistake but I'd maybe mention to mil that your dc had been scared and the film was a bit too old for her.

WrongWayApricot · 03/01/2022 13:34

At least it wasn't watership down, I'm scarred for life.

ShoesEverywhere · 03/01/2022 13:34

My daughter was three when we watched the first three films (and we'd read the first four books together by this point) - BUT it was last January's lockdown and it was mostly for her older brother. We did a whole 'Great Hall' experience with butterbeer and chocolate frogs to celebrate the last day at home. She loves the films still but prefers the books.

I see both your points - it's a bit off of her to choose a film without checking, but also it's understandable if she assumed 'children's film' and popped it on without thinking.

Original poster
Athysuisse · 03/01/2022 13:35

Watership Down is heart wrenching!!

OP posts:
HeyFloof · 03/01/2022 13:36

My DS had seen the first 4 HP films. First saw it when he was about 2 and a half. He was Harry Potter when he was 2 (almost 3) for Halloween. He's 5 now. The only bit he really doesn't like is when Voldemort is in the back of Quirrels head. Loves it and not a peep.

But the funny bones skeletons gave him nightmares for weeks so that's banned in our house. It depends on the child.

Most of the Disney films start with murdered/deceased parents, and/or being kidnapped or lost. And there's always a villain (Except in the most recent film encanto, there's no baddie in that.)

ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind · 03/01/2022 13:38

@Fidgetty

This is one thing that has surprised me since having DC - people seem to want to make them watch content that is wholly unnecessary and unsuitable for them, even other parents of similar age DC. I don't get it at all? I have a 4yo and 5yo and YANBU. It's unsuitable, it's scary and I don't know why adults insist on making children scared?!
It is absolutely unacceptable to scare a child or show them anything that could unsettle them but did you really not watch worse when you were at the age? Parents seemed more lax about what children watched decades ago ime.
CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 03/01/2022 13:38

It definitely depends on the child. DS2 was never scared by the films, and he probably saw the first one at around your DD age. He would hide on the stairs if we watched Monsters Inc (only when Randall was on screen, and he asked to watch it, repeatedly!)

He does still sleep with a nightlight aged 15 though!

girlmom21 · 03/01/2022 13:39

@LethargicActress

Apart from the fact that your dd is too young, I’d be pissed off that someone showed them the film before they’d had the chance to read the book. But then I was a mean mother that made my dc read the books before watching the films.
This is exactly the right approach with a budding (even if it's forced) HP fan!
ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind · 03/01/2022 13:40

OP, give MIL a list of suitable films and tv programmes. Some people assume PG is fine for young children.

Bitofachinwag · 03/01/2022 13:40

@Fidgetty

I think she’s too young, but also think what she’s watching is for 2-3 year olds- like coco melon

This is the kind of thing I mean. If a 4yo likes coco melon then it's suited to a 4yo. Why the rush to push them forward? She's four!

Some people seem to think that watching things that are.really meant for older children.somehow means that their child is clever or more advanced than other children!
ACCx · 03/01/2022 13:41

I wouldnt be annoyed by it at all. Next time DC is at your Mils you could say 'Oh she found harry potter a little scary last time so maybe dont watch that' But I wouldnt make a song and dance about it.

peachesarenom · 03/01/2022 13:41

I said YANBU but I think some people just think a kids film is just a kids film. I watched Paddington with my little one and he said it was scary! It was a bit I guess!

Clearlynotmyname · 03/01/2022 13:43

Yanbu- the end is pretty scary for small children. I would have been annoyed. Bit different if you're choosing a film for your own children as you know what their limits are.

ACCx · 03/01/2022 13:43

IMO there's worse films your MIL could've chose than Harry Potter. I mean its not like she's been watching Saw 3.

Eleganz · 03/01/2022 13:43

Parental guidance means that really. You are entitled to your own opinion, but so is your OH in terms of what is suitable for your child in terms of PG films. Harry Potter is marketed hard at a very wide demographic and MIL can't really be blamed for thinking the story of a child wizard is a children's film. I accept that the later films are darker and more adult, but I presume this was Philosopher's Stone and so a PG.

As such, there is no wrong or right answer here and I suggest you just agree to disagree as it won't change the fact that your daughter has now watched it.

FrownedUpon · 03/01/2022 13:45

It’s a PG. You’re being a bit dramatic.

mistermagpie · 03/01/2022 13:48

My six year old wanted to watch it so I put it on, I also have a 4.5 year old and he watched the first half and was quite captivated by it but stopped watching because he though it was getting scary in the second half. I don't think I especially did anything wrong by putting it on, but my 4.5 year old is pretty good at stopping watching something he finds scary.

My 2 year old likes coco melon, peppa pig etc but they are all too young for my 4.5 year old really. But all kids are different and yes I think it's fair for you to be annoyed that Harry Potter was put on for your child.

Duckfeather · 03/01/2022 13:48

It does depend on the child but I would say that 4.5 seems a little young. As previous posters have said there are a lot of dark themes. My DD is 7 and we’ve recently been reading the books and she is now obsessed. However we’re only reading the first three and stopping there until she’s older. She’s only been allowed to watch the first two films and she coped pretty well but couldn’t watch the Basilisk at the end of the second. Cuddled up to me and we told her when the scary bit had finished.

The third film scared me in places so she’s definitely too young!

KMBM107 · 03/01/2022 13:49

My 5 year old has seen the first 3 films. She was probably about 4 and half when she watched the first one. She has a 8 year old sister who is potter mad. Even got her a costume and wand as her sister wanted one so thought she would like it to dress up. There are some scary parts so think it depends on the child. I’ve asked family members to not go beyond what we’ve seen as I’m currently reading book 4 with my 8 near 9 year old now. Maybe quick word with mil to say not 2 show anymore and would like to read the books together when older may allow to approach it more diplomatically?

ancientgran · 03/01/2022 13:50

I think Disney can be very scary. I was traumatised by Dumbo, the scene where his mother is locked in the tiny train carriage and they are separated is horrible and I never let my children watch it. I never saw Bambi as a child, I let mine watch it and the younger 2 were crying when the hunter kills the mother. I took a group of DDs friends to see Pocahontas as a birthday treat, one was adopted and had separation issues and was hysterical about John Smith leaving. I had to swear to her (lie in fact) that John Smith goes back and they lived happily ever after.

I don't think Disney was meant for me and mine.

Never had any issues with Harry Potter.

MissM2912 · 03/01/2022 13:50

Children need to learn resilience. It is a children’s film. Wise up. She will get over it! Think of some of the crap we watched as children! 101 Dalmatians, Dumbo, Jim will fix it 🙈

CottonSock · 03/01/2022 13:51

I'd say something to make sure she doesn't show the second film next time. My 5yo found it very scary at the end.

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