DH asking restaurant staff when food will be ready

[olympicsrock]

AIBU to ask DHnot to ‘harangue’ staff in restaurants to speed up food?
We have been to two restaurants over the Christmas period. In both places they have been very busy. On arrival we were warned how busy they were/ short staff due to covid etc and to get order in.
All staff polite and doing their best.

BOTH times DH has got hangry and stressy and asked staff pointedly where our food was ie complaining. In the first place his dad was there doing the same.

In the second place he chased 36 mins after arrival when we had already had drinks , bread and starter. Not bad really. 1:36 on New Years Day. He was ‘polite’ but for gods sake everyone wants their food asap.

He either needs to have a snack mid morning or button it as far as I am concerned . He is not a toddler. Aaaagh

@ily0x

He sounds like an abusive narcissist. There’s nothing worse than someone who is nasty to waiters/retail staff. What a pathetic little bully. I’m sure he’s a lot less nasty to people who can answer back to him.

Jesus Christ. MUMSNET! Only on Mumsnet will a hungry man politely asking how long his food will be, makes him a pathetic little bullying narcissist.

Amazing

@FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo

I wouldn’t expect food for 8 in a restaurant to be ready in 36 minutes necessarily, but I do think you’ve misled people a bit here. You said starters and drinks, but now I’m getting the impression it’s actually drinks and a bread bowl (not the cooked individual starters I’d originally imagined). Asking politely how long food would be is perfectly reasonable if contemplating more bread. Moaning is not though and I’m glad he’s apologised for that.

I think they had drinks, bread, starters served and time to eat starters all in 36 minutes

Personally if I arrived at a restaurant, was seated, given time for 8 people to browse the menu, waiter to take drinks order from 8 people, serve drinks, eat bread, order starters, 8 starters to be cooked, 8 starters to be served, 8 people to eat starters at their leisure without rushing and table cleared. If my main turned up 36 mins after me arriving in this scenario I'd probably be feeling rushed (but would be too polite to mention it)

Only last night when we was our did I ask how
much longer will the desserts be after 45 minutes. Only for them to say that the staff had forgot to order them and so had to wait again.
I think as long as the person is asking politely then it’s more than reasonable to ask

@CloR86

I agree with you. Worked in restaurants for 15 years and the food is always brought out as soon as it is ready. Asking isn't going to make it come any quicker! The staff aren't sat in the kitchen twiddling their thumbs. Sometimes it is just busy and you have to just enjoy the company you are with and be patient.

Utah - but knowing if it’s going to be a while, you can ask for more bread. As the DH here wanted to do while he waited for food

Reading OP’s posts, did they actually get any starters? When getting ,ore specific, OP refers to bread and oils. That’s not a starter - that’s bread !!

I'm with your husband on this one! Our Christmas day booking was for 2.30pm. We were shown to our table and asked what we would like to drink as it was table service only. The drinks didn't arrive until 3.15pm and then our starters didn't arrive until 3.40pm! For our main meal it was a carvery so we had to go up to collect our own food which was fine but we were told we couldn't go up until our table was cleared and even then it took 20 mins for that to be done. It then took another 30 mins for the table to be cleared again and for the desserts to be brought out! (luckily our desserts were cake-aways so they were boxed up and we took them away). Have to say when the drinks came one of our party shouted thank the lord whilst others clapped and cheered.
Our food was good but the service was terrible!

@LittleRoundRobin

YABU. I would have complained before he did!

As a 16 year old waitress I would have spat in your food. Not great I know, but on a low wage (£1 an hour back then) I really didn’t give a shit, and anyone who was arsey had their food spat in. We all did it. It’s not an urban myth.

I'm with your husband on this one! Our Christmas day booking was for 2.30pm. We were shown to our table and asked what we would like to drink as it was table service only. The drinks didn't arrive until 3.15pm and then our starters didn't arrive until 3.40pm!

Did you even read OP’s post?

You waited 45 minutes for just drinks, they had 8 people and got drinks, starters, and bread within 36 minutes. How is that comparable?

*posts

This is a sore point for me. Because of covid and Brexit there are shortages of staff - chefs, waiters, ingredients and kitchen staff. My 19 year old son has worked in two restaurants this year. His training was literally hitting the floor running. He has dealt with so many rude , self-entitled people who do not see the challenges staff face. He has been told to "piss off", wiped up vomit , dealt with sarcasm, and out right difficult customers who want to pay using 3 different cards and who tell him they won't tip him because they did not like something unrelated to his efforts and not even under his control. Add to this the stressy managers who are rude and get personal because they don't handle stress well and do not protect them from these despicable people. Added to this pressure,customers getting impatient over things waitors have no control over - like timing in the kitchen, adds to stress . 8 staff members have left at his restaurant over the last 6 months half were waitors. He has worked until 2am in the morning and back at work at 10am on a three day shift. Often he is missing lunch as it is just too busy.Folk don't realise that without these youngsters they would not get to go out! Just to mention - they are paid £6.50 per hour, pay for transport and depend on your tips - cash in hand, not gratituity that never gets to them!
I lose faith in people some times. They seem so blinkered.

@phoenixrosehere there were 10 of us and there was nothing on the table at all not even breadsticks to nibble on we didn’t even have crackers!

Service in this country is absolutely appalling as a rule. Restaurants book in too many tables and then ask people to be patient. Your DH and FIL are being perfectly reasonable in asking when the food will be ready and to leave if they think the service is unacceptable. It is only when the British start doing this more often that service will start to improve. Covid may be the reason the staff are finding it difficult, it is NOT an acceptable excuse for poor service.

I’d politely ask how much longer after 40 mins or so - once I did and it turned out the kitchen hadn’t received my order, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all.

It sounds like the DH was being a little impatient given it was New Year’s, covid, etc, but some of the posts calling him “an abusive narcissist” because he got slightly impatient about his food are a bit much!

I nearly posted a thread today about the exact same thing. My DH definitely did not pass "the waiter test" at lunch today and both my daughters and I were mortified. The café had signs up about how they were challenged by staff shortages but DH spoke to a waiter like he was dirt and them a waitress like she was incompetent...both for things that were the kitchen's fault and not theirs. Despite being with him for nearly 20 yrs, I find myself wondering if he's really a nice person!!

Also, no sane member of restaurant staff would get upset about a quick “could I just check how much longer our meal is likely to be, please?” after half an hour or more.

I honestly wonder what’s wrong with those saying this merits the old sneeze salad treatment!

The serving staff have no control over how many bookings the restaurant takes, nor how many staff are in that day, how quickly the kitchen work and how many tables order at around the same time. There is nothing wrong with asking politely after a long time but 36 minutes when you've already been prewarned, had drinks and starters is ridiculous. It would feel rushed (and if 8 meals are brought out that fast it will likely be a microwave job). That said as long as he wasn't rude to them they will likely have dealt with far worse in the shift and won't remember it at all.

Why are people making up longer wait times? He was moaning after 36 minutes and had been served drinks and a starter already! During a busy Christmas period when they already had been informed they were short staffed due to covid?

I’d be embarrassed. But then he sounds like he’s just copying his father and learnt from him.

Bet he’s never worked in a waiter/kitchen/ retail capacity in his life.

My MiL has always been like that, and it's getting worse with age. We stopped going out with her to restaurants for family birthdays, because she ruined a few outings, including kids' birthdays, with her complaining and lashing out at waiting staff because "she was hungry". We go out without her, she only gets invited to lunches or dinners we sometimes host (she never complains at people's homes, she's just rude to restaurant staff).

@GrannyRose15

Service in this country is absolutely appalling as a rule. Restaurants book in too many tables and then ask people to be patient. Your DH and FIL are being perfectly reasonable in asking when the food will be ready and to leave if they think the service is unacceptable. It is only when the British start doing this more often that service will start to improve. Covid may be the reason the staff are finding it difficult, it is NOT an acceptable excuse for poor service.

Actually I would say that 4 staff trying to run an 8 person shift because half of them have Covid is a perfectly acceptable excuse for slow service. But then I understand that people cant be in two places at once, clearly you dont.

If its not 100% independent then often the venue has no control over bookings, wage budgets, recruitment, how many tables can be booked in at a time.....they literally have no choice as its all decided (and often controlled) centrally.

So making a huge fuss to your wait staff will make precisely no difference at all to the service you get except that the staff will think you are an asshole and some may treat you accordingly. Do you really think that the suits and the shareholders give a toss about the student run ragged in one of their venues? Of course not, all they care about is their bonuses and dividends! So abusing the staff because in your opinion the venue is too busy just gives someone doing their best in a difficult job a really bad day. Would you be proud of yourself for that? Because I wouldn't.

I wonder if people who kick off due to hunger are the same ones who "save up" because they are going out for dinner? So rather than a normal lunch and normal dinner they will skip lunch to have room for a 3 course meal and then are so fucking hungry by the time they get to the restaurant they are being total arses.

If they know that they get hangry then they should take responsibility and keep their blood sugar more stable, not kick off at someone else!

Good point, @PyongyangKipperbang!

@linsey2581

there were 10 of us and there was nothing on the table at all not even breadsticks to nibble on we didn’t even have crackers!

And you had a right to complain, OP’s husband did not since they were served food.

Yes Pyongyang…there is a bit of that about DH , didn’t want a whole starter as he was having fish and chips… This is part of the Hangry thing that drives me bonkers. There were some shared starters ( dishes of calamari and a bread basket .
None of the children were complaining about the very short wait!

I've seen it at work and in my personal life (thankfully out of the hospitality industry now!) and there is one in particular I wont go out with anymore.

She skips lunch and then insists that dinner at 8 will be fine. Then is in such a foul mood that she is snappy and horrible to her OH, sulks and sits in silence until after she has had her main and her mood stabilises. then she is the life and soul, except by that point she has killed the mood for everyone else, so she then complains about having a shit evening because everyone was being so miserable or her husband falling out with her.

Never her fault.....in fact now I think about it, I am not sure that any of our friends go out with them for dinner anymore!

Wow are people really that dense that they can't understand why food places may be under pressure at the moment and short staffed ?
If your told when you arrive their is a wait you either accept it or leave
If my main arrived on my table 36 minutes after i sat down and had bread and starters I prob wouldn't even be ready for it
So many people on here you can tell are entitled and cannot see the wood for the trees
If a place warms you then you know or its very busy and staff are rushed of their feet then you can tell