DH asking restaurant staff when food will be ready

[olympicsrock]

AIBU to ask DHnot to ‘harangue’ staff in restaurants to speed up food?
We have been to two restaurants over the Christmas period. In both places they have been very busy. On arrival we were warned how busy they were/ short staff due to covid etc and to get order in.
All staff polite and doing their best.

BOTH times DH has got hangry and stressy and asked staff pointedly where our food was ie complaining. In the first place his dad was there doing the same.

In the second place he chased 36 mins after arrival when we had already had drinks , bread and starter. Not bad really. 1:36 on New Years Day. He was ‘polite’ but for gods sake everyone wants their food asap.

He either needs to have a snack mid morning or button it as far as I am concerned . He is not a toddler. Aaaagh

@ily0x

He sounds like an abusive narcissist. There’s nothing worse than someone who is nasty to waiters/retail staff. What a pathetic little bully. I’m sure he’s a lot less nasty to people who can answer back to him.

I think that’s one hell of an armchair diagnosis! And yes I know MN likes to trot out the, “watch how he treats a waitress” line, but it’s not really a fail safe way to identify an abuser - often they’re lovely to everyone but their “partner”.

Well I've waitressed a lot. I don't mind demanding but polite. I think you can probably imagine what happens to the food of customers who are not polite.

So do you say anything to him when he behaves that way?

He was polite. It's fine. Sometimes tables get forgotten or orders can't be fulfilled and they forget to come back and tell you.
Presumably you've eaten out with him more than twice over the course of your relationship. So either this is a regular occurrence in which case why is it only bothering you now? Or these two occasions were out of character, in which case cut him some slack.

In the first place his dad was there doing the same.

There you go. Learned behaviour,

Shitty arsehole learned behaviour…

He sounds like an abusive narcissist. There’s nothing worse than someone who is nasty to waiters/retail staff. What a pathetic little bully. I’m sure he’s a lot less nasty to people who can answer back to him.

You need to have a massive reality check on what an abusive narcissist is!!!! At worst it's rude what he did!! I've had far worse in my days as a waitress!!!

I waited nearly 2 hours once and kept shushing DP as I can be killingly polite - yep they’d forgotten the order

I would expect them to have enough staff to cater for the guests they have.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

He only asked a bloody question. Way too many snowflakes on here

I’m amazed at all the people saying they would also complain! 30 minutes is an absolutely normal time between ordering and main, when you’ve also had drinks, bread and a starter! Do you expect to walk in to a restaurant and shovel your food down at rapid speed then leave? With no time to sit and converse with the people you’re dining with? That sounds so unpleasant!

I would decline to go out to eat with him for a while, and tell him why when he asks.

@ LittleRoundRobin

YABU. I would have complained before he did!
Maybe you’re best off sticking to McDonalds.

Asking anything politely is fine surely? Such a British thread. Sit quietly and seethe but don't say a word. A simple 'may I check whether the main course is coming out soon please?' is by no means offensive.

Some of the hardcore responses on here are bonkers.

@NashvilleQueen

Asking anything politely is fine surely? Such a British thread. Sit quietly and seethe but don't say a word. A simple 'may I check whether the main course is coming out soon please?' is by no means offensive.

Some of the hardcore responses on here are bonkers.

No one French or Italian would complain after 36 minutes when they'd had drinks, bread and a starter. They wouldn't seethe either. They'd be perfectly normal and wait a couple of minutes for well-prepared food.

@MrsTerryPratchett exactly.

I wouldn’t enquire at such an early stage, because it’s rather silly to do so. I also wouldn’t sit and seethe, because that would be very stupid indeed.

If you don’t understand how (good) restaurants work, maybe just stick to fast food or Wetherspoons.

Whereas Americans would ask as soon as they wanted.

The point is the politeness isn't it? We don't know what they ordered nor the kind of restaurant. A complaint is likely to have been unreasonable but a polite question about how long does not equate to her husband being a narcissistic bully as PP have suggested.

He sounds like an abusive narcissist. There’s nothing worse than someone who is nasty to waiters/retail staff. What a pathetic little bully. I’m sure he’s a lot less nasty to people who can answer back to him.

I suspect ily0x must be answering a different thread from me

God the ridiculous snobbery. Anyone who deigns to ask a question should confine themselves to McDonald's.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I honestly think every teenager/young person should have a spell waitressing because it teaches you about food, hygiene, multi-tasking, good manners and PEOPLE. The things I used to hear while pouring the wine out!

And work in a call centre. I've spent years working in rehab, prisons, homeless shelters and I was threatened and harassed more in a call centre. I'm not joking. The general public are bastards.

I've done Retail (2 years) Waitress/bar staff (7 years) Call centre (14 years)

Can I have a gold medal now?

I can't work out if you mean the 36 minute wait was on NYD and you ordered at 1.36pm, or if the 36 minute wait was meal one, and 96mins was the length of meal two wait?

If so, 96 minutes from ordering to main is a long time, and I probably would have asked about this, and expect it to have been clarified at the start, e.g. not just saying "There's a bit of a wait" but "There is a backlog of significantly over an hour," before my order was taken. I probably would be annoyed if that hadn't been clarified beforehand.

36 minutes, however, when you've ordered, had drinks, and starters is fine, even quick service. Any faster than that and I'd feel rushed.

I would humiliate him each time he did it in front of the waiting staff. When he started asking, I'd be like 'are you being slow again today dear? They've already told you they are short staffed, leave them alone.'

Ok sorry I've seen your updates - on phone so couldn't cntl f and OP posts don't show in a different colour! In that case he was ridiculous for moaning after so short a wait.

Asking anything politely is fine surely? Such a British thread. Sit quietly and seethe but don't say a word. A simple 'may I check whether the main course is coming out soon please?' is by no means offensive.
But why would anyone be ‘seething’? A little over 30 minutes is an entirely reasonable time to wait for a main course, particularly if you’ve already had a starter and drinks, and especially on one of the busiest days of the year and in a small restaurant.

No grown adult should be seething in those circumstances.

@NashvilleQueen

God the ridiculous snobbery. Anyone who deigns to ask a question should confine themselves to McDonald's.

No...

But if they think they are entitled to become stressy/hangry/need to enquire about whether or not their food is coming within half an hour ish of ordering, when in fact they’ve had drinks, bread and starters in that time, they clearly don’t quite understand how restaurants work. If they can’t wait a reasonable time for their food they should go to places where the food comes quickly. Not harass the waiting staff and/or make unrealistic demands of the kitchen.

It’s uncouth and comes across very badly.