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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH asking restaurant staff when food will be ready

210 replies

olympicsrock · 02/01/2022 19:55

AIBU to ask DHnot to ‘harangue’ staff in restaurants to speed up food?
We have been to two restaurants over the Christmas period. In both places they have been very busy. On arrival we were warned how busy they were/ short staff due to covid etc and to get order in.
All staff polite and doing their best.

BOTH times DH has got hangry and stressy and asked staff pointedly where our food was ie complaining. In the first place his dad was there doing the same.

In the second place he chased 36 mins after arrival when we had already had drinks , bread and starter. Not bad really. 1:36 on New Years Day. He was ‘polite’ but for gods sake everyone wants their food asap.

He either needs to have a snack mid morning or button it as far as I am concerned . He is not a toddler. Aaaagh

OP posts:
RobotValkyrie · 02/01/2022 22:57

This thread is bonkers. Since when does "asking a relevant question = complaining and harassing staff"?
British presumption that any statement whatsoever must be some sort of passive-aggressive conflict is really tedious.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/01/2022 22:58

@NashvilleQueen

God the ridiculous snobbery. Anyone who deigns to ask a question should confine themselves to McDonald's.
Well yes, if speed is the most important thing to them, fast food would appear the best option. Clue's in the name.
Itloggedmeoutagain · 02/01/2022 23:00

@Holly60

Had you booked a table at these places, or was it a walk-In? I think if you had booked it’s not really acceptable to be ‘warned when you arrived’. I would expect them to have enough staff to cater for the guests they have.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with politely enquiring how much longer the food is going to be. I’d say asking politely after 30 minutes is reasonable.

We had booked a table We were told when we arrived that there was a big delay on food We accepted it because at the minute there are people isolating up and down the country. Businesses are struggling because they are short staffed. They can't just magic staff out of thin air if some test positive
HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 02/01/2022 23:01

I’m not British.

I don’t believe in passive-aggressiveness - I’m from a country where people are very direct.

But as OP has set it out there’s no question that there wasn’t any reason at all for her DH to get stressy and pointedly ask where his food was.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/01/2022 23:02

@MaybeHeIsMyCat you can have a medal!

phoenixrosehere · 02/01/2022 23:03

He was ridiculous, but at the same time, once desserts/coffees are cleared I am itching to leave so want my bill ASAP.

Why not ask for the bill then after you have ordered desserts?

No one French or Italian would complain after 36 minutes when they'd had drinks, bread and a starter. They wouldn't seethe either. They'd be perfectly normal and wait a couple of minutes for well-prepared food.

American here and wouldn’t complain either or seethe. Considering that they were told before they sat down that there was a wait and the restaurant were short-staffed, I wouldn’t think to be impatient or moan about how long things took since I was forewarned and could have chosen to go somewhere else.

backtolifebacktoreality · 02/01/2022 23:03

@Aquamarine1029

Ugh, he sounds exactly like my twat of a FIL. How fucking rude and obnoxious. I'm sure your husband wasn't going to starve to death. What a tit. I wouldn't dine anywhere with him again.

If you've been waiting a long time it's not rude and obnoxious if you ask politely. I appreciate they said there will be a longer wait, but you're still paying good money for a meal.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 02/01/2022 23:05

The point is that they hadn’t been waiting a long time...they’d hardly waited at all.

Thedogscollar · 02/01/2022 23:06

@olympicsrock

And huffy / stressy to the rest of the table, moaning and complaining about how hungry he was and that it was ridiculous to have to wait
What a complete embarrassment for you OP. Does he always act like a child when out in adult company?
TheHamburgler · 02/01/2022 23:06

God the ridiculous snobbery. Anyone who deigns to ask a question should confine themselves to McDonald's.
My McDonalds comment was in response to someone who said they would have complained before 36 minutes.

If you think a 30ish minute wait for a main course, during which time you have already had drinks and a starter, warrants a complaint then full-service restaurants probably are not for you.

Again, particularly in a small restaurant, on one of the busiest days of the year, during a pandemic.

godmum56 · 02/01/2022 23:07

wow! my first time of being multiquoted on a thread :)

billy1966 · 02/01/2022 23:07

@MrsTerryPratchett, completely agree.

My eldest is in a client facing part time job while at and his loathing of the general public is something to behold!

I fear he has become far less polite as time has gone on.

The considerable responsibility that he carries for minimum wage has been a great learning curve for him, not that he thinks that for a minute!

LizzieSiddal · 02/01/2022 23:09

If you've been waiting a long time it's not rude and obnoxious if you ask politely.

The point is they hadn’t been waiting a long time. It was 36 minutes and they’d been served drinks and a starter, plus been told they’d have a long wait as they were short of staff.

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2022 23:15

@ily0x

He sounds like an abusive narcissist. There’s nothing worse than someone who is nasty to waiters/retail staff. What a pathetic little bully. I’m sure he’s a lot less nasty to people who can answer back to him.
Woah.

The OP explicitly said he WASN'T nasty to the waiting staff.

Sometimeswinning · 02/01/2022 23:20

Did the op mention where they were eating? There are many chains which also fall under fast food! Sorry but do posters on this thread literally sit and wait for nearly 40 minutes??!

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2022 23:20

@Sometimeswinning

Did the op mention where they were eating? There are many chains which also fall under fast food! Sorry but do posters on this thread literally sit and wait for nearly 40 minutes??!
Pizza Express in Woking.
FurryAntiWaxer · 02/01/2022 23:23

The wait times actually sound pretty normal, even when it isn't a peak day.
If I'm told there is a half hour wait, I assume it will be closer to an hour.

Sometimeswinning · 02/01/2022 23:24

Pizza Express in Woking

Thankyou! In that case I'd have asked, but been polite.

TheHamburgler · 02/01/2022 23:26

@Sometimeswinning

You’ve missed a joke. It wasn’t pizza express.

tuesday2am · 02/01/2022 23:27

@RobotValkyrie

This thread is bonkers. Since when does "asking a relevant question = complaining and harassing staff"? British presumption that any statement whatsoever must be some sort of passive-aggressive conflict is really tedious.
Except the question really wasn’t relevant, given that they’d only arrived 36 minutes prior and had already had drinks and starters in that time.

I think a lot of folk have missed the part where the OP said they were waiting on 8 main meals… they were a table of 8! Who had already had all their starters and drinks 36 minutes after arriving. Given that you usually get about 10 mins or so to browse the menu before the order is even taken, there really is no excuse for OP’s DH’s behaviour.

TheHamburgler · 02/01/2022 23:28

Did the op mention where they were eating? There are many chains which also fall under fast food! Sorry but do posters on this thread literally sit and wait for nearly 40 minutes??!
I think the OP has only said that it was a ‘smart’ restaurant.

And yes I would absolutely expect to wait for 30+ minutes, from arrival to main. I’d be annoyed if they went much quicker.

HobgoblinGold · 02/01/2022 23:28

My FIL has terrible restaurant etiquette and is notoriously rude to waiting staff. I avoid going to restaurants etc with him now as he simply ruins the experience for everyone.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 02/01/2022 23:29

Yes...of course I’d happily wait for 40 minutes for my main to be brought out. Possibly longer.

Drinks, bread, and starters over the course of 40 minutes is perfectly reasonable. Why would I rush through those like some kind of animal? I like to actually taste, appreciate and savour my food, not just wolf it down.

janbaby22 · 02/01/2022 23:31

I’d find this annoying from my DP, but I’m pretty sure the waiting staff wouldn’t have given it a second thought. They probably just answered the question and got on with their job. I worked as a waitress and this sort of thing wouldn’t have affected me in the slightest.

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2022 23:32

Drinks, bread, and starters over the course of 40 minutes is perfectly reasonable. Why would I rush through those like some kind of animal? I like to actually taste, appreciate and savour my food, not just wolf it down.

Am now picturing the topic for the next MN class wars thread:

"Does how quickly you shovel your meal down the hatch denote whether you are middle or working class?" Grin

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