Grandson has too much screen time, is it my place to say?

[Halloweencat]

I think my 5 year old grandson has too much screen time on a children's ipad. From what I've read it can be damaging to their eyes. His development is normal & he's doing very well at school. AIBU to say something, or tell him to put it down?

and I daresay people used to say its a shame they have their noses in books instead of sewing a seam or learning to hunt shoot and fish...
...and before that it will damage their eyes squinting over stone tablets instead of chipping flints grin

Cross posted but this is so true and made me laugh!

FWIW my DP, in the 80s, got told off by teachers for reading too much (!) and she was so upset she stopped reading for pleasure for years. We're just introducing her to all the books she missed out on by buying them for DD, and it's lovely.

[quote godmum56]@Snugglepumpkin
"When people my son doesn't particularly like are visiting I let him play on tablets etc.. more than I normally would."

wicked![/quote]
If you had my mum whose idea of a fun family activity is to swing by the Cathedral gift shop for a new rosary after taking in an extra mass, or (I kid you not) standing out in the street praying at people who are just trying to mind their own business walking by, then you'd let your child play on a tablet so they didn't have to do the Catechism quiz too.

She means well but...

Gosh so many rude responses.

It was a genuine question from someone who clearly loves her grandson.

It would worry me too OP.

If you have a good relationship with the parents, a sensitively phrased question would be fine imo. I would have been open to this and have dealt with all sorts of grandparent commentary without needing to tell anyone to fuck off,

Screen time does affect peripheral vision and it is a problem for many children today, especially with regard to crossing the road.

No child "needs" screen time though going by some posters' reactions you can be forgiven for thinking it is the only activity available.

I’m not trying to sound nasty but might his mum be dealing with him if she wasn’t preparing a better than usual meal to entertain you?

I wouldn’t criticise. No good will come of it. No parent wants their kid on screens all the time.

You’ll have to just let them parent as they see fit.

YANBU
But tread very carefully with the parents.

You are right about his eye sight.
When they are developing as he will be at his age, he should be looking at all sorts of distances (long, short and medium etc) for strong development of his eye-sight. Being on a screen for hours and hours means he is looking at one distance only.

Good luck this is such a common dilemma these days.

It's so hard but you need to bite your tongue.

Back in the day, we would all be judgemental and stupidity would be kept in check.
However we live in a virtual world and the consensus is " you do you." No matter if it harms a child. Keep your beak out and it's nothing to do with you. So sad.

Take a long look at the thread about primary aged children who have to lie down to be nappy changed. And who drink from a bottle.

Any criticism is deemed judgemental.

It isn’t good to have a lot of screen time. Try not to be critical or mention it but offer to take him out and give him some different experiences, sit and read to him, play some board and card games. My dc sometimes have too much screen time when I’m struggling to do better and I always welcome help from family who have time to give them some attention

You are on your phone on Mumsnet! Lead by example and all that.

You could ask him if he would show you how to play a game on his ipad. He might then be more interested in activities you offer to show him.

give him books as gift .Ask him to sit with you and read .Yes, you can say but you have to provide a solution and not being a complainer

a relative tried telling me once about letting one child have exactly 15 mins of screen time to calm down in a restaurant "it is not OK".
They got told exactly where their opinion counted, was not around my kids.

so no, this needs to piss you off silently.

Do you spend much time looking after him? Do you know the sorts of things which engage him?

My DS can never resist the lure of a couple of cardboard boxes and a ball to throw into them, as his grandad knows. Or a couple of carrots to peel to death.

Start playing with his toys yourself and he'll probably come over and get involved. If you play it cool, it's a huge lure for them.

Even stacking coasters is hugely popular with grandparents here. Add a couple of cars and try to make a car track with the coasters.

Come on. You're just looking for a way to stick it to your DIL. If you're really SO concerned, have a private word with your son and ask him why this is going on. But you won't, will you?

It’s sad that a 5 year old is on a screen so much, so I understand what you’re saying.
Sadly you can’t say anything, you’ll just annoy the parents and it won’t achieve anything.

@ItsFuckingJuneDadQuickHide

why on earth do you think its your place to say something ? Its just your opinion

It is indeed and if, in the future, your grandson has serious problems related to screen time and his parents come whining to you about their worries you'll be able to repeat that it's not your business!

Not your child, you’ve raised yours ( and probably made your own mistakes) the quickest way to alienate someone is to comment on their parenting.

It's coming from a good place but this is the new norm OP. I find the best way to disengage the addiction is to "lose" the charger. My kids are OK now but it used to be a battle.

I think people have been a bit unnecessarily rude.

Hours of screen time for 5 year olds isn't great, and it's a shame that he won't play with his new toys.

There is quite a lot of evidence that suggests that 'excessive' screen time can damage particularly children's eyes, but some debate over what 'excessive' means.

Short breaks (even if it is to argue about coming off the bloody thing) are better than staring at it non-stop.

But it is tricky to bring up with parents, and it's probably much more than usual it being the winter holidays etc.

Too much close up screen time does damage their eyes.

Most parents don't keep a lid on it and let their dc spend hours and hours watching videos or playing online games.

It is addictive and must ultimately impact their brain development. Give it a decade and we'll know that too much screen time at a young age (but even if older) is as damaging as inhaling second hand smoke or letting your dc eat artificial sweets and drink sugary or carbonated drinks all day long with no restrictions.

Mine also get screen time, too much of it. I saw a very young baby at the supermarket maybe about 10 months old sitting in the trolley holding a phone watching a programme.

I think it's really hard for parents who are busy with work and managing family life in a pandemic to limit screen time as it gives them a break even if they know it's the right thing to do. Parents are addicted to their phones and devices as well, so it's no surprise kids are too.

Almost everything we do now is digital. WFH online all day, shop online, watch streaming programmes rather than walk to the video store and choose DVDs.

In another 5-10 years whatever analogue life is left now will have moved online too, I don't think we'll be visiting the GP and I wouldn't be entirely surprised if online schools would become a thing.

Facebook are working on it, watch out for Meta. Interesting times we live in.

If you want to parent, have another baby. This one isn’t yours.

@Aquamarine1029

Come on. You're just looking for a way to stick it to your DIL. If you're really SO concerned, have a private word with your son and ask him why this is going on. But you won't, will you?

It's not her DIL. It's her daughter. But well done for sticking to the MN stereotype and attempting to blame a MIL

I agree OP I have 2 young kids and with the first I made a lot of mistakes with screen time at a point she couldn't eat without watching a screen, had it out in restaurants, the car, trolleys etc. We were no doubt we're judged hard. Then her behaviour started slipping and I just thought like you there's all these toys just sat there and I was fed up with her glued to a screen.
Now she watches some screen time but is much better at playing and colouring. The other child hasn't had the opportunity.
In answer to your question I think you could restrict screen time at your house but can't say anything if it's at theirs

Perhaps I’m more easy going than most and I'm aware there are probably things I could improve on to be a better parent but I’d want people to point out things like this. I don’t get why it’s automatically assumed that the response to someone worrying about your child and giving advice is to tell them to F off. Fine if they repeatedly do it when you’ve asked them not to.

I’m going to go against the grain and say YANBU to be concerned, but I’m not sure you should say anything or that there’s much you can do.

If he’s able to hold a conversation, talks well and is doing well at school I don’t think there’s much to be done, or even real cause for concern, BUT I don’t think it’s setting up healthy behaviour for the future, it is addictive and eats up time when children should be enjoying their childhoods outdoors or doing physical play.

I appreciate on rainy days it’s different, but I do understand where you’re coming from, and I don’t disagree.

@Halloweencat it may have been said already, but one day or the occasional days you spend with your grandson and family may not be representative of their normal life.

We just spend a week with our PIL and the kids had a tonne of screen time. Why?

• a combination of needing down time from Xmas excitement and, honestly time away from the PIL who although v interested in their GC are not actually that good with them. Overly controlling, unwilling to be led by them, rigid about wanting to stick to THEIR routines. To get the kids through that, and for me to have some downtime from managing the kids to enable good interactions with the PIL they watched plenty each day.

In day to day life we have time limits and a couple of screen free days each week.

My MIL has expressed her disapproval of the screens. Maybe next time I’ll respond that THEY generate much of the need for them.

We could do screen free visits with PILs if they would fall in with what our family needs and not freak out when the kids play up.

If you want to do something, no don’t say something to the parents.

Do ask the child if they’d like to do something with you. Throw yourself with gusto into whatever they ask. In theory the PIL want to play with our kids. But they won’t be less by their choices so it often doesn’t get off the ground.

A way in could be watch WITH them? Ask them about the show. Why do they like it? Do they have any books or toys from it? Could they show you? Shall we play with them?

Judge less. Get down on the kid’s level more.