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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandson has too much screen time, is it my place to say?

352 replies

Halloweencat · 02/01/2022 17:03

I think my 5 year old grandson has too much screen time on a children's ipad. From what I've read it can be damaging to their eyes. His development is normal & he's doing very well at school. AIBU to say something, or tell him to put it down?

OP posts:
Antsgomarching · 02/01/2022 18:33

DD has a range of screen time from 0 over 2 weeks because we are out and about a lot over the xmas period and both home to play with her to at worst 3 hours in a day. It’s probably the same for your GS, its a snapshot in time.

Newyearoldyou · 02/01/2022 18:33

It depends on what your relationship really.

If Mil said it she had fuck off.

However I trust and appreciate my dp opinions, my df said once in a very nice way "I think x is watching too much TV".
I thought about it, weighed it up, decided it probably was a little too much but, it's balanced out with her being out a lot, lots of stimulating activities and I made an effort to cut it down a little.

Antsgomarching · 02/01/2022 18:34

When I said 3 hours I didn’t mean in one go and talking about the telly.

Faevern · 02/01/2022 18:34

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Are you offering to come round and play with your grandson in place of the i pad for a couple of hours, so that your son or daughter gets a break?

In your day kids were probably able to play out for long periods - kids these days sadly don’t have that.

At 5pm in the winter none of my 5 year olds were playing out for long periods at all and never alone in daylight.

OP has clearly said she wants to play with her DGC but woe betide she asks the parents to take it off them by the replies on this thread.

The excuses offered for a 5 year old having 2 hours straight on an iPad are laughable but also demonstrate how many parents think it’s ok or normal.

Etinoxaurus · 02/01/2022 18:35

Astonishing denial and defensiveness on this thread. Mine were pre screens as children, glued to them now but wouldn’t dream of doing so when gps are here.
It’ll be interesting to see how they bring up their dcs and with what screens as they’re very aware of the issues around concentration and distraction and say they’ll hold off as long as possible with their dcs. With that in mind I’d definitely say something about a 5yo on a screen in my presence.

Hankunamatata · 02/01/2022 18:39

No dont say anything about the ipad.

You could ask his mum if it would be ok for you to put the iPad away for an hour while you play a game with him?

MakkaPakkas · 02/01/2022 18:41

As others have said, it's not a good idea to criticize. You could organise other fun things for him to do though? Take him swimming or down the soft play or whatever you'd be happy to do? When my kids are overdoing screens it usually because I'm busy/stressed/overwhelmed

BoredZelda · 02/01/2022 18:42

Do the posters saying MYOB or it’s Christmas really think that 2 hours continuous on an iPad at 5 year old is OK? Never mind that they’ve probably been on it a lot more today?

No, we’re saying you do what you want with your own children and let others do what works for them. Do you always feel it’s necessary to parent other peoples children?

BoredZelda · 02/01/2022 18:44

With that in mind I’d definitely say something about a 5yo on a screen in my presence.

Why do you think it will be any of your business?

My daughter sat and ignored us all day yesterday, but she was reading a book. I’ll bet that’s seen as wonderful, huh?

ringoutthebells · 02/01/2022 18:44

I agree with you, don't like young children on iPads at all, but wouldn't say anything as a grandparent. Would perhaps try and tempt him out somehow.

ringoutthebells · 02/01/2022 18:46

I say that with you in mind op, because it won't go down well, so will just cause problems in your relationship with the parents.

HaveringWavering · 02/01/2022 18:47

@hivemindneeded

It's not your place to say this. But it is your place to say, 'Come and play a game with granny. Let's build Lego, let's junk model a spaceship, let's play hide and seek, let's bake cookies, let's go for a bike ride to the park.' etc.

If you think he's on screens too much, do fun things with him while you are around.

Absolutely this. That’s what my MIL does. We are very grateful to her when we are busy, at 5 they love Uno, Top Trumps, Connect 4, Jenga, Mousetrap, Hungry Hippos and all that kind of thing and are always desperate for someone to play with them.
CorsicaDreaming · 02/01/2022 18:48

@Halloweencat

He's been on it for the two hours we've been here today, & no doubt he's been on it throughout the day. Had a stack of presents for Xmas (not the ipad) & I've gently tried to encourage him to play with them whilst his mum cracks on with dinner; but he just wants the ipad. This is a regular thing. Is this healthy? And I've offered help in the kitchen, which understandably is not needed, I don't like help in my own kitchen either. And before I get flamed too much I'm almost 60 & from an era when kids played with their toys instead of staring at a screen all day! I worry about the eye problems that I've read can develop from too much screen time
I do hear you @Halloweencat - my son spends hours on his screen- he's nearly nine - and you need a crow-bar and a half hour debate to get him off and out for a walk -or to play a board game - etc. But if you do, he's like a different child and really engages. I don't know what the solution is tbh. It's exhausting doing the debate each time - screens really are "the opium of the people"!

However my DS loves Lego and he spent several hours over Christmas week building kits with DH. Which was lovely to see. And we played Cluedo with him for first time, which he loved and really got in to playing. But I agree actually prising them off and onto Lego - board games sometimes feels like a task of Hercules.

We all spend too long on screens now I feel - my entire work life has gone from mainly F2F to entirely online - and it's not great on many levels - yet another fall out from the Pandemic...

postivity · 02/01/2022 18:48

Nope never

fruitbrewhaha · 02/01/2022 18:50

I agree with you OP. Why is he on a screen when you're there? My two love a game on their ipads but it's for when there nothing else to do, he has relatives around to chat to or play with him.

Faevern · 02/01/2022 18:51

@BoredZelda

Do the posters saying MYOB or it’s Christmas really think that 2 hours continuous on an iPad at 5 year old is OK? Never mind that they’ve probably been on it a lot more today?

No, we’re saying you do what you want with your own children and let others do what works for them. Do you always feel it’s necessary to parent other peoples children?

I asked a simple question, you protest too much.
CeeceeBloomingdale · 02/01/2022 18:51

No, not your place to say but agree it can be your role to distract with other activities if you can be subtle about it.

User2638483 · 02/01/2022 18:51

Only when he’s in your care and you’re looking after him, then you can put it away and do something else with him.
Otherwise… no.

HaveringWavering · 02/01/2022 18:52

Of course children of that age will prefer passive entertainment.

@Aaaa1167336 an iPad is not necessarily passive entertainment if they are playing games and doing puzzles.

YoComoManzanas · 02/01/2022 18:52

My sons opthalmologist told us screentime (tablets) had no effect on deterioration of vision and could actually improve it. I queried this several times with several different consultants at various appointments.
Perhaps he only has screens when he is visiting because its boring for him or he would be rampaging the house?

maddy68 · 02/01/2022 18:52

No

PuzzledObserver · 02/01/2022 18:53

And before I get flamed too much I'm almost 60 & from an era when kids played with their toys instead of staring at a screen all day!

I’m almost 60 as well. I spend FAR too much time on my iPad.

miltonj · 02/01/2022 18:54

No don't say anything.

DysmalRadius · 02/01/2022 18:54

My kids had a lot more screen time than they usually do over Christmas, including at times when their grandparents were round for a few reasons:

  1. Miserable weather which really turned us all off the idea of going for a walk
  1. A really busy pre-Christmas doing lots of things that had them absolutely knackered and rarely watching TV or on tablets.
  1. It turns out that the grandparents seem to have forgotten how to talk to them during lockdown and kept either introducing inappropriate topics of conversation (child slavery, high-profile abuse cases, the imminent death of a relative), interrupting the kids when they tried to talk to them, and repeatedly saying 'Well, I don't know what you're talking about' any time one of the kids introduced topic of conversation that wasn't one of those listed above!

I'm sure they probably thought we were being too lenient with the kids, but it was lucky that none of them mentioned it!!

I'm not accusing you of the latter, but do remember that it's been a weird Christmas with lots of uncertainty and rain, so I would assume that this occasion was a one-off and just let it go, OP.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 02/01/2022 18:56

YABVU.

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