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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

491 replies

CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 11:25

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

OP posts:
userisi2 · 02/01/2022 12:55

Why this reply? Sounds like a pretty reasonable thing to do with kids

Because the thought of having to sit down children and have a discussion around what they need to pack for ONE night away is hilarious to me.

SportsMother · 02/01/2022 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 12:58

Because the thought of having to sit down children and have a discussion around what they need to pack for ONE night away is hilarious to me.

Well it's not a discussion that's going to take long - less than a minute. Hardly 'hilarious'

Jl2014 · 02/01/2022 12:58

My 5 year old can do this no problem. Packed her mini suitcase for going away at Christmas. I did double check it but she did a pretty good job. They should be learning to help out with small activities like this.

userisi2 · 02/01/2022 13:00

@liveforsummer it is to me when my kids are quite capable of being given and bag and cracking on, no "discussion" necessary.

DropYourSword · 02/01/2022 13:00

@userisi2

Why this reply? Sounds like a pretty reasonable thing to do with kids

Because the thought of having to sit down children and have a discussion around what they need to pack for ONE night away is hilarious to me.

Yep, clearly “hilarious” to communicate with children, isn’t it. I’ve already said upthread I don’t think my 5 year old would be capable of packing his own bag. But talking through what you might need etc is just giving them life skills. It’s just parenting. And apparently parenting is now hilarious. Sorry, just not getting the joke.
ElephantOfRisk · 02/01/2022 13:01

it obviously depends if they clearly know what they need to take and that it is all in a place they know and is accessible.

If not then they will find it easier to learn if given clear instructions in small parts.

e.g. Go and get your blue backpack and put in your PJs, toothpaste and brush and come and show me when you've done that.

Next I want you to get pants and socks and whatever outfit you want to wear tomorrow and then come and show me.

Lastly, if you want a stuffed toy and/or a book or small toy to take then get those and pack them.

Then the next time you can ask if they remember what they need to pack and take it from there.

Even as an adult i'm much more likely to do a task when i know what it is I'm doing.

EurghCobwebs · 02/01/2022 13:02

@OGenkiDesuKa

Not in mumsnet Land no, where kids have their asses wiped till their 18.

In the real world yes. Mine has been packing her own over ungut bag since 5. Unless there’s learning difficulties involved a 5 year old is perfectly capable of putting some clothes in a bag.

Hahaha, exactly this!
Georgeskitchen · 02/01/2022 13:02

YABU My son aged about 9/10 packed to go staying at granny's. Luckily I checked the 10 T shirts. One pair of undies one pair of socks and no trousers he had packed 😳

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 13:03

[quote userisi2]@liveforsummer it is to me when my kids are quite capable of being given and bag and cracking on, no "discussion" necessary.[/quote]
Fair enough, mine are too but for many 5 year olds there's nothing wrong with saying. Pack some pyjamas, leggings and a t shirt. Put something in with long sleeves and don't forget pants and socks. Not sure why that's funny. What's funny is all the posters insinuating OP is an awful lazy parent and that no child under the age of about 15 should be capable.

EurghCobwebs · 02/01/2022 13:05

@bluechilli47

I can't expect my husband to do that! My 12 year old I would check. 5y pack for them, 8y pack with them
You would check a 12 year old's?? Jesus, I used to pack my bag for sleepovers when I was in primary school. It's not rocket science.
Doubledenimrock · 02/01/2022 13:07

I find my 14 and 17 year old struggle with this. Not because they cant do it but because they get distracted ( one has ADHD plus Dyspraxia though)

nomoneytreehere · 02/01/2022 13:12

My 6 and 8 year old would be able to do this no problem. I probably wouldn't even check what they had packed if it was just an overnight trip. I would write out for them what they need to pack though (eg 2 x pants 1 x pj 1 x toothbrush 1 x coat 1 x wellies 1 x reading book etc). Or use it as an opportunity for writing practise (so dictate the list and they write it down).

I have 5 children. The younger ones have grown up watching the older ones and my 6 year old is super organised for school now, he packs his bag every morning and checks he has everything he needs the night before. Without me telling him he knows which club he has the next day. I think this is good parenting to be honest but I also work full time in a pretty intensive job, - I want to spend my free time playing with them and doing stuff with them, not emptying their lunch box. My 18 month old empties his nursery bag when we get home and knows where to put his shoes and he can't actually speak yet!

My 8 year old plays a lot of sport both after school and at the weekend. He gets his own kit ready and only asks me if he can't find something. He also does this the night before (so last night told me he couldn't find his gum-shield, so I helped him find it.). I wash his kit obviously. On top of that he knows where he is playing and at what time (it can vary) and knows how to check the various apps on my phone so he knows what he's doing. I have to check them too.

My most haphazard child is my teenage daughter. I mostly did everything for her when she was young and now she needs a lot of prompting still. She's very good company though!

OP I would just ask them once. Don't keep going on about it but give them a deadline for when it needs to be done. Children don't respond to being nagged at in my experience.

DelphiniumBlue · 02/01/2022 13:13

8 year old, certainly, and 5 year old with help.
They would need to already know , or have broken down for them, exactly what " a change of clothes" means in terms of activity and warmth. Also if they pack, you have to accept their choices and colour co-ordination skills.
DS3 used to camp with beavers/Cubs from about 6, and they were expected to be heavily involved with the packing.
If you have time, talk them through it..ask them what they think they will need.

LBOCS2 · 02/01/2022 13:14

@userisi2

Why this reply? Sounds like a pretty reasonable thing to do with kids

Because the thought of having to sit down children and have a discussion around what they need to pack for ONE night away is hilarious to me.

You're missing the point. This isn't about following a list, or even knowing what to pack for one night away because they've been taught. That doesn't help children in the long run.

This is equipping them with the ability to plan a task and see it through to the end. Hence the conversation about it - I want them to be able to look at something which needs doing and be able to problem solve until the task is complete. And it starts off small, with having a chat about what they might need for a night away and lots of supervision, and it ends up with them being independent adults.

Barksmum12 · 02/01/2022 13:16

I'm surprised by some if these replies.

My 6-year-old can do this independently. My 4 year old would have a pretty good go. They'd know to ask how many nights to pack for for example.

WarmForDecember · 02/01/2022 13:17

My relative has always got her kids to pack their own bags, basically since toddlerhood. She's always shocked when they turn up with 4 random socks, playdoh and no toothbrush etc Confused

WarmForDecember · 02/01/2022 13:18

Although to be fair the 6 year old is now pretty good at it, having been packing for herself for years!

Blossomtoes · 02/01/2022 13:19

@BurbageBrook

You are creating stress and drama for yourself. Just pack them yourself.
This. How long would it have taken you? And how long did it take to make them do it? Ridiculous.
BlondeDogLady · 02/01/2022 13:20

LOL, maybe place a 1 in front of those ages!

OhPeeQueue · 02/01/2022 13:21

No way. Pack their bags yourself. How ridiculous.

Wallywobbles · 02/01/2022 13:21

Totally do-able. I drew a pictorial list with numbers next to them. They laid them out on the bed. I checked it over. Good to go.

caringcarer · 02/01/2022 13:22

5 is not old enough. Maybe 9 or 10.

Wallywobbles · 02/01/2022 13:22

Mine have always done their own cases.

Maray1967 · 02/01/2022 13:25

I pack for DS13. Am I embarrassed by this ? No. DS1 (21) has sorted it out himself since mid teens so no doubt DS2 will too.
I have a friend who expects her DC of a similar age to OPs to do it themselves and never checks. Result? Shouting and stress when they get there with odd clothes and things missing. It takes me seconds to sort it and it’s stress free. I’ve no idea why she keeps on with this - it seems to spoil it each time we meet up.

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