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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

491 replies

CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 11:25

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

OP posts:
RefuseTheLies · 02/01/2022 12:39

We've spent a lot of time travelling between London and Glasgow. Pre covid, of course. I made a point of teaching DD1 how to pack a bag from a young age, so she absolutely could do this at 5. I check, of course, and there's always something random in there (rocks, anyone?) but getting a pair of pjs and a set of clothes wouldn't be a problem.

ImInStealthMode · 02/01/2022 12:39

My friends 5 year old packed his own bag to visit family for a few days. All he packed was fancy dress outfits Grin

(Luckily his Mum had 'actually' packed for him. She was just interested to see how sensible, or not, he'd be).

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 12:39

@LBOCS2

My 5 and 9yo are capable of it, but I don't just shove a bag at them and tell them to crack on - we have a chat about what we might need, how many days we'll be away for, what we use at bedtime etc. And then I'll either supervise or double check what they've put in. To be fair, my 5yo is more focussed and organised than her sister so I'd fully expect her to have got on with it while the 9yo lolled about on her bed having been distracted 🤷🏼‍♀️
She's fine that though. It's one night and she's told them to get one pair of pyjamas and one outfit
Swonderful · 02/01/2022 12:39

8 year old, yes but check afterwards. 5 year old, do it with them.

SisyphusDad · 02/01/2022 12:40

8 year old, with a list: very reasonable.

5 year old: rather less reasonable.

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 12:40

*done that

Londonr · 02/01/2022 12:40

If I actually said to the 5 year old get your pj's put them on your bag. He could do that. But my 6 year old who has autism finds it hard to follow instructions so he could not . But the 5 year old will help him. So I don't instruct more than one thing at a time as the 5 year old is doing it for himself and helping his brother.

ChequerBoard · 02/01/2022 12:42

Even if you think that the OP's DC should be able to pack independently at 5 and 8, I suggest that the process should still be a positive and supportive one.

Kids sent off to pack whilst OP gets "stroppy" and "exasperated" that they are behaving like the quite small children they are doesn't like a great learning experience to me.

BendingSpoons · 02/01/2022 12:43

My 5yo packs for her and 2yo brother. They love it! I have a quick check that she has everything, but she does it pretty well.

DontWantTheRivalry · 02/01/2022 12:44

So all they need to do is get a pair of pyjamas and a spare set of clothes and put it in a bag?

I don’t see how that is asking too much of those age children at all Confused

I’ve got a 4 year old and he could easily pack that into a bag himself and lots more things if I asked him too.

Patapouf · 02/01/2022 12:45

😂 not a chance

Scrooge89 · 02/01/2022 12:46

I give my 6 year old a list and my 10 year old too.

So with the 6 year old it’s teddies, eye mask and any books/pencils

10 year old knows to pack clothes etc

I’ll pack the 6 year old’s PJs knickers, toiletries etc

userisi2 · 02/01/2022 12:46

My 5 and 9yo are capable of it, but I don't just shove a bag at them and tell them to crack on - we have a chat about what we might need, how many days we'll be away for, what we use at bedtime etc. And then I'll either supervise or double check what they've put in.

Do you do a debrief? Assess what went well, what could have gone better, lessons learned for next time? With pie charts.

Astrid01 · 02/01/2022 12:46

My 5 and 7 yo are capable of putting their clothes they want into a pile on their bed as directed. I normally say you need 4 outfits and 2 sets of pj's then have to remind about pants and socks.
I normally get them to do it while I'm sorting mine so we all do it together. They have been helping me to pack their bags since they were small though so they are fairly used to it. I've found telling them how many outfits they need works best as they think about the pants/jumper etc as well.

cultkid · 02/01/2022 12:46

🤣🤣🤣 mine would bring some Lego, a teddy one nappy and biscuits. Maybe a night light!!

Deffo not 🤣🤣🤣

LBOCS2 · 02/01/2022 12:47

She's fine that though. It's one night and she's told them to get one pair of pyjamas and one outfit

In which case SINBU with her expectations. I don't think I implied she was?

Kinko · 02/01/2022 12:47

This is a learning opportunity but they need more hands on guidance. Try:

  • you put two bags on the landing and you say to your kids right go find the pjs you want and bring them back - I'm going to time you. Lots of laughter and cheers when they race back
  • then you say - right ok now put them in your bag
  • then you repeat for socks, pants, jeans, t-shirt

Then you say - right now what else could we put in here, what might you need tonight before bed - wait for them to guess toothbrush, then you say - excellent I think you're right! Quick quick go get it.

You have to teach them independence through play and reward (reward being laughter, praise and fun).

Make it a game. Keep repeating the game until they get it.

RantyAunty · 02/01/2022 12:48

Yes, they can but you need to supervise it.

It's a process and teaching them to follow instructions sequence step by step.

Start with asking what makes up an outfit. Lay the things out on the floor. Have some funny things around too like an umbrella, cups, blocks.

Then pick up each item and ask if it is part of an outfit. When they get it right they go put it in the bag. Have the silly things like putting a cup on your head and they'll laugh and tell you Nooooo.

Do that a few times and they'll know how to pack an outfit, pjs.

My grandkids ended up loving this game even when we weren't going anywhere. We take pretend boat rides, plane trips, car rides. They always included the dog too. Grin

DropYourSword · 02/01/2022 12:51

@userisi2

My 5 and 9yo are capable of it, but I don't just shove a bag at them and tell them to crack on - we have a chat about what we might need, how many days we'll be away for, what we use at bedtime etc. And then I'll either supervise or double check what they've put in.

Do you do a debrief? Assess what went well, what could have gone better, lessons learned for next time? With pie charts.

Why this reply? Sounds like a pretty reasonable thing to do with kids
Busybee5000 · 02/01/2022 12:51

Mine were probably around 12 and 10 before they could be even started to relied upon. Even then we've had some moments! However yes they should be able to choose a pair of PJ's and an outfit maybe at that age but need help putting it in a bag etc.

BlwyddynNewydd2022 · 02/01/2022 12:52

@cultkid

🤣🤣🤣 mine would bring some Lego, a teddy one nappy and biscuits. Maybe a night light!!

Deffo not 🤣🤣🤣

🤣🤣 same 7DS wanted to pack his suitcase recently, it had one pair of jogging bottoms and toys in it 🤣

I said to him "planning to wear Lego pants are we?" I then helped him pack showing him what he would need.

mimi0708 · 02/01/2022 12:52

Yanbu. 8 yo definitely can. My 4 yo will pack her stuff when we go but we've always been involving her so she's used to it, and she does need reminding of what she needs to pack. Of course, I check in the end that she's got everything

lollipoprainbow · 02/01/2022 12:54

So joyless let kids be kids without packing a bag being a military operation !! There's plenty of time for them to pack their own bags in the future.

StationaryMagpie · 02/01/2022 12:54

As someone said, its about Executive Functioning ability.

After 4 years of doing this EVERY other weekend, without fail, this is evidenced by the fact my ASD/ADHD/Dyspraxic 15yo still can't without an itemised list, and my doing the actual packing so he can find stuff the other end(or it just all gets shoved in the bag in a screwed up ball and he gets stressed he can't find stuff), nor can my ADHD 12yo, although she's a bit better at the actual packing.. she still needs a list/instructions.

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 12:55

Don't be daft - what kid needs to be able to independently pack an overnight bag for primary 1?

You're conflating two completely different issues. Yes, some parents don't prep their children well for school but that's not the same thing at all as expecting a 5 year old to know what to pack for a overnight stay.

Would think a teacher would be able to comprehend the difference

Obviously they don't have to pack an over night bag for primary 1 but they need to pack their bag at the end of the day, lunch box, water bottle, items from tray. They need to check they've got their cardigan and coat, sometimes hat, gloves and scarf. Not dissimilar at all. Fwiw I'm not a teacher, I'm generally far more patient than the teachers many of whom don't have kids or have grown up ones and who 10 years ago did not have the same trouble getting kids doing these things as they do now. Especially post pandemic we are huge drop in basic independence skills and ability to follow simple instructions. Threads like this often indicate why. Just because they don't actually need an over night bag for p1 doesn't mean teaching them to pack one isn't a skill that will over all help them in other areas of independence. Skills are transferable and it suggest OP encourages independence in other areas too.