To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

[CrumpledCrumpet]

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

LOL! My 11 year old DD maybe, but I'd probably still double check. My 9 year old son, no way. I can't even begin to imagine what inappropriate stuff would end up in his bag.

Mumsnet is such a weird place. At five, our boys were capable of getting themselves ready for school in good time to leave (and carrying their own bags on the walk there, btw); of course putting PJs, pants, socks, joggers and a t shirt in a bag - having been specifically asked to do so - wasn't beyond them!

Not that this is about spectrum issues, but one of the questions asked at my DSs dyspraxia assessment was whether he'd be able to successfully pack a suitcase for a holiday and even at age 17, the answer was still, yes but with support. He has lists on his phone to follow now that he's an adult and he mostly manages (lives away at uni) but he still keeps spare clothes and phone charger etc here as he still forgets items.

YABU. Very. What a weird question, unless you have never met any children

Absolutely yes they can! Sorry but a 5 year old is perfectly capable of getting pjs at the very least! I can't believe how many people think you are unreasonable. Give them a list, even if it's a small list for 5 year old. People have too low expectations of kids, a 5 year old will be at school, do you expect the teacher to get every child's coat for example??
A bit of responsibility is good!

My 6 year old would likely put his favourite toy in the bag & declare himself done 🤣

My 9yr old might make better progress but I’d have to check it & put in what he’d forgotten/replace inappropriate for the weather clothes.

My DC, 9 and 7 pack their own swimming bags but it was a weekly process to get them to that point and I still check them.

I am as old as the hills and I need stroppy reminders to pack my bags.

@liveforsummer

Tbh I do believe the responses. We see this time and time again with kids coming in to primary 1 unable to put on or zip up their coat, put on shoes or socks or cut up their food etc. Doesn't take us long to get them shipped in to shape and doing loads of stuff independently that they'd never encountered at home.

You're a teacher and yet you've never realised that DCs starting school might try to do as little as possible or be overwhelmed with a new environment? The fact they don't do it automatically for you in school doesn't mean they aren't doing those exact tasks at home. But also if you expect 5 and 8 yr-old siblings to pack with no guidance and not distract each other, then I'd assume you've not actually worked with DCs for that long.

I'm really surprised at the replies on this thread (and the vitriol directed towards the OP!). Mine get dressed every day, so I would expect them to be able to assemble clothes to pack, same with pyjamas. They might forget their toothbrushes unless I explicitly reminded them, but they would be able to get clothes together (plus probably the important stiff like cuddly toys and a choice of books!).

11 year old I would expect to just be able to "pack an overnight bag".
8 year old I would say "get your pyjamas, toothbrush, pants and socks and something to wear tomorrow and put it in a bag".
5 year old I would say "bring me your backpack... go and get you pyjamas and toothbrush...find some socks and pants...choose a top, trousers and a jumper and put them in the bag"

Now that my 6yo can read I wrote him a list for the holiday we are just back from, and had him put them out in piles so I could check them. I had to keep him on task- ‘now look at the list again, have you got one pile for every line?’ The list was like 3 x tshirts, 1 x long sleeve tshirt, 2 x shorts, 1 x trousers etc . Before that no, he couldn’t do it.

I think if I told my 5 year old to pack an overnight bag she'd end up with a hundred nail varnishes and stuff as many soft toys in a suitcase as possible.

PJs would probably be missed.

It's a skill that needs to be taught rather than something they should just know.

Do you actually bother to parent your DCs in other ways, or do you expect them to drag themselves up

Teaching children various skills instead of doing everything for them is parenting. Even if it takes a lot longer this way.

I wanted to say YABU when reading the title, but OP said she didn't tell the DC to 'pack a bag'. She told children exactly what items they need to put in the bag. Of course an average 5yo can manage that.

Ahhh, I get it. People just aren't reading the OP. Too much effort?

8 year old- maybe. Just maybe. 5 year old- no chance

I love that the responses to this are 50%
Don't be ridiculous! Of course these tiny ikkle babbies can't pack a case!
and 50%
What's wrong with you? If your 5yo can't pack a case then there's either some problem with him or you!

@timeisnotaline

Now that my 6yo can read I wrote him a list for the holiday we are just back from, and had him put them out in piles so I could check them. I had to keep him on task- ‘now look at the list again, have you got one pile for every line?’ The list was like 3 x tshirts, 1 x long sleeve tshirt, 2 x shorts, 1 x trousers etc . Before that no, he couldn’t do it.

It's not a holiday though. It's an over night trip with one set of pyjamas and one outfit so list isn't really needed

I had this with 14 year old…. But little ones- no😂

DH once went away for a weekend with no pants or socks. If I can't trust an adult I certainly wouldn't trust a child.

We do things by lists in our home so I've children of the same age they can both read so would both be able to do this, I've also a 3 year old and we would do this together with a picture list.

I wouldn't trust my 11 year old to pack sensibly without supervision. If I ask him to pack a bag I would tell him what he needs, and then afterwards I would run through a list again, have you packed pants, socks etc. Even my 15 year old forgets underwear if she packs on her own!!

5 and 8 you could do it with them but no way would I expect them to do it alone without any help.

When my were that age the 5 year old (girl) would do it straight away, The 8 year old (boy) wouldn't stand a chance and the 5 year old would have ended up doing it for him.

You're a teacher and yet you've never realised that DCs starting school might try to do as little as possible or be overwhelmed with a new environment? The fact they don't do it automatically for you in school doesn't mean they aren't doing those exact tasks at home.
But also if you expect 5 and 8 yr-old siblings to pack with no guidance and not distract each other, then I'd assume you've not actually worked with DCs for that long.

You'd assume wrong. And OP gave them guidance. One pair of pyjamas and one outfit. On top of that I have dc of the same age gap as OP who have been packing their bags for a long time. My 8 year old is so methodical about it now- she really enjoys it. (Although she was younger than 8 last time she packed for more than a few days - thanks covid).
As I already said I am not a teacher. The teachers are far stricter about doing these things independently than I. They like to get it established ASAP but of course allowances are made at the start of term. I disagree the ones that struggle are doing it all independently at home. I believe as do all the teaching staff I've ever worked with, that there is a direct link between the ones who have everything done for them at home and the ones who struggle with basic routines and instructions at school. (Asn aside of course)

My grandchildren (6 and 7) seem to live in a suitcase these days, for unavoidable reasons. No way would I expect them to pack their own bags. What they consider essential is very different to what an adult knows they need. They would end up with lots of toy dinosaurs and no underpants.