To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

[CrumpledCrumpet]

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

Nope.
If you had everything very organised and gave them a visual list and had very sensible children you could possibly expect 50% accuracy! But saying “go and pack your bags please” absolutely not going to happen. They’d have all toys and no pants.

@user1493494961

It's no wonder there are so many posts about helpless teenagers.

Yes you’re right because a 5 year old and 15 year old are directly comparable!

Sit with the 5yo and choose stuff with them to take, the 8yo should follow suit. My dds were packing their bags around 7yo, but we dragged them everywhere with us.
Pyjamas
Underwear
Socks
Toiletries
Clothes for next day.

Tbh I do believe the responses. We see this time and time again with kids coming in to primary 1 unable to put on or zip up their coat, put on shoes or socks or cut up their food etc. Doesn't take us long to get them shipped in to shape and doing loads of stuff independently that they'd never encountered at home.

YABU.

Make it into a game, who can find me everything for bed? Split it into bite size chunks and work with them.

8 year old - with list/supervision.
5 year old - are you kidding? Just asked mine what she would take for an overnight trip and she said 'teddy, lol's, crafting supplies and onesie'

I'm sure she could gather items with direct supervision but definitely not left to own devices.

,8 yes , but I would have to check what's in there she also has a habit of forgetting her coat and over packing toys !! the 5 year old no .

To be fair, the fact my 5yo would have her older sister to help would make it easier for her to do but even so she understands simple instructions like “pack your pjs and a jumper and leggings in this bag” without anyone’s help.

I don’t actually think it’s that unreasonable! I was definitely packing my own overnight bag to go stay at nanny and grandpas house by 8 ~ 5 not so sure.
Children have to learn how to do this at some point and it’s actually not that hard for them. But they have to be taught, it can’t just be expected.

So what I clearly remember from being a child probably from 5 up - mum or dad would be in my room and say “go and get your bag”, I would and then we would get one thing at a time. “What do you think you’ll need?” Was a good question to get thinking. And we would then fo through and I would fetch the stuff I needed and shove it in the bag (dad would leave it, mum would refold it).

Packing for a holiday at 8? No. But I would be part of the process by then (for example “go and get 6 tops you want to take”).

5 is little but not too little to be supervised and coached through the process. I work in reception and you can definitely tell who is given some responsibility when it comes to packing a bag and who isn’t.

OP they clearly can’t do it alone yet so go and sit with them and do it together. Make a race of it if needs be with a biscuit or something for the fastest one who hasn’t forgotten anything.

I'm really surprised that people dont think an 8yr old could pack a bag. Or a 5yr old. Under any circumstances and how awful anyone who asks and doesnt do it themselves are
It depends on how the request is phrased. If its "we are going g away get your things together that would be more confusing than. Go and put clean pjs a toothbrush and your story in a bag"
I would expect both mine of the same age to be able to do the latter. Ds goes to cubs and are asked to help pack for camp.
@CrumpledCrumpet I would send them up one at a time rather than together that's always how the chaos happens from my experience!!

Put both bags on Kitchen floor.
You call out list as you cook (Pyjamas! Teddy! 2 pairs of pants! etc) and the DC race in and out of bedrooms collecting stuff and putting into bags.

Job done.

You're creating stress and drama and winding yourself up here OP.

Just take them to their rooms and supervise them. That way they're doing it themselves and learning at the same time.

Giving them stroppy reminders and getting exasperated, isn't helping anyone and just turning you into 'angry mum'.

You're making both the molehill and the mountain.

Just help them it’s not that hard.

I leave my 12 year old to pack herself.

My 10 year old does his and I check.

No way at 8 and 5!

@liveforsummer

Tbh I do believe the responses. We see this time and time again with kids coming in to primary 1 unable to put on or zip up their coat, put on shoes or socks or cut up their food etc. Doesn't take us long to get them shipped in to shape and doing loads of stuff independently that they'd never encountered at home.

Don't be daft - what kid needs to be able to independently pack an overnight bag for primary 1?

You're conflating two completely different issues. Yes, some parents don't prep their children well for school but that's not the same thing at all as expecting a 5 year old to know what to pack for a overnight stay.

Would think a teacher would be able to comprehend the difference

Are you joking?

An 8 year old... maaaaybe, but I'd be checking it afterwards!

A 5 year old... NO. My DC are 5 later this month, and it honestly wouldn't even cross my mind to even ask them to try and do it!

At 8 I would have been able to, no problem. But I was taught to be independent and capable. At 9 I was competently cooking a full breakfast for our household.

Urgh !! Do you want a medal ??

I’m amazed you’re expecting your children at this age to behave like adults and get packed for themselves to suit your demands and timings. They are not adults. I’ve got children the same age and would definitely ask a similar task in a relaxed, playing sort of way - eg ‘oh I bet you’re so excited to go and stay at your grandparents’, who is going to go and get their PJs and choose what they’ll wear’ kind of sense. But in no way would I demand it be done to suit a schedule - I’d get up and do it myself. My 8 year old is mature and I could rely on her to do this but obviously as a parent it’s my job to then check over and make sure children this young have got all they need. YABU to get ‘exasperated’ at them, particularly the five year old. Seriously get a grip.

If you’d have just said ‘pack an overnight bag’ then I wouldn’t expect the 5 year old to be able to do it. If you actually said ‘go and get your pyjamas and some clean clothes for tomorrow and put then in your rucksack’ then I would expect them to be able to do that. I wouldn’t expect the clothes to necessarily be suitable for the weather though, or for them to have remembered clean pants and socks so it would have to be checked.

I would expect the average 8 year old to get together most of the things they’d need for a night away, but for the bag to still be checked afterwards. To be honest I wish someone would check my overnight bag before I went somewhere 😬

8y - yes, should be able but, as with most children, they may well get distracted and need you to be quite specific about items, and timings.

5y - on the young side. Maybe try one item at a time, with a definitely - do this now, type instruction. Likely to get distracted easily and not necessarily select the most appropriate items.

@liveforsummer
Your 5 year old really couldn't manage if your said 'get some pyjamas, an outfit for tomorrow and some pants and socks'

No, I don’t think he could without some help. And judging by the replies on this post, that’s not particularly unusual for his age.

It's not just those thugs it's all kinds of independence routines that parents automatically do for their dc and it doesn't do them any favours. The OP told them what to get - pyjamas and a set of clothes. Both my dc at 5 could have managed that no problem but I'd have started much younger saying 'go and get your unicorn pyjamas' 'go and get some alarms and socks'. If they can dress themselves from their wardrobe then they can get a set of clothes and put it in a bag

I'd expect them to try, mine packed from toddlers with me then from primary school they did it and I checked. The 8 year old is more than capable, 5 is marginal

My preteen DD has been packing her own overnight bag since she was about 4/5, and now she can pack more efficiently and better than I can!

She has had a lot of practice though as we used to live abroad and would make regular short trips back to the UK and then when exDH and I split she obviously had to get used to packing for visiting her dad (we have 50/50 custody now so DD doesn't really pack any more but in the beginning she saw her dad every few weeks/holidays due to logistics of him moving back to the UK for work when we still lived abroad)

Having said that, it's all about how you do it - when DD was little I would get her to help me pack her bag, and then as she got older I gave her more independence over the choices but within a structure and once I knew she could pack a bag without forgetting anything, that's when I would just tell her "We're going to visit grandma for 2 days, can you pack an overnight bag, please?"

So from about the age of 3/4 I would be packing and would have DD choose things from the options I gave her - "DD do you want to take the blue dress or the green one? Bring me the green one then and I'll put it in the bag" etc - and ask her to bring me specific things -"DD can you bring me your Elsa pyjamas/pink blanket/Snuggleted?". As she got older I would let her make more choices- so instead of asking her specifically about certain clothes, I'd ask just ask her to bring me X number of tops/bottoms/dresses/PJs and she would put them in a pile on my bed and I'd check as I packed them that they were suitable/weather appropriate, and if not then I'd ask DD to switch the inappropriate item out. By the time she was about 7/8 I would tell her how many days worth of clothes she needed and I'd just give it a once over to check she hadn't forgotten anything once it was packed.

sorry OP, but YABU, they still need help at that age. (as does my 13yo who packed a bag for 3 nights and did not put in any socks, pants or nightwear ).