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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

491 replies

CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 11:25

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

OP posts:
Benjispruce5 · 02/01/2022 16:01

I work with children of 5 and 8. Lots can’t remember one instruction let alone the thought and planning required to pack an overnight bag. Are these your children?

Benjispruce5 · 02/01/2022 16:02

Perhaps it would have been a better use of your time to show them rather than faff about on Mumsnet.

RockinHorseShit · 02/01/2022 16:03

but not sure why so many on here feel a 5 year old is incapable of getting some clothes out of drawers and placing them in a bag 😒

I'm not sure anyone is saying that, but it's unrealistic to expect them to do this unsupervised & not get distracted & mess about. Especially not the 5 yo, who would no doubt distract the 8 yo even if they are capable on their own.

You are supervising your DCs, that's the difference

Tilltheend99 · 02/01/2022 16:05

@TimeForTeaAndG

My 8yo has been able to pack her own bag for a year or so but she is very independent. She also always helped me pack when I was doing it for her so she knew what to put in.

Make lists, set a timer to gather things, check everything is there then get them to collect anything missed.

Setting a timer to pack a bag seems just as unreasonable to me. Glad no one set a timer for me to do anything as a kid (except running and exams)
DroopyClematis · 02/01/2022 16:05

No bloody way after my son , then aged seven, decided to pack his cap gun into the suitcase.
Cue a security check with frightening police officers with weapons, senior management and so many others at the airport.
The shame of it.

The strange thing is that he hardly ever played with it as we couldn't get the caps.

Mummy7777 · 02/01/2022 16:07

My 5 year old son can but I check it. My 7 year old can too and jus skim over it.

They're used to overnight stays so have been used to packing their own.

TurquoiseDress · 02/01/2022 16:07

No way, definitely not a 5 year old!!

The 8 year old should/could give it a go but you'd end up re-packing it but worth them actually trying and making the effort.

I think you need to re-set your expectations!

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 16:09

@DroopyClematis

No bloody way after my son , then aged seven, decided to pack his cap gun into the suitcase. Cue a security check with frightening police officers with weapons, senior management and so many others at the airport. The shame of it.

The strange thing is that he hardly ever played with it as we couldn't get the caps.

Sorry, that made me laugh 😆. Tbf though OP isn't asking them to pack for a foreign holiday with a plane journey, just one overnight and she likely was planing to check what they packed anyway. Bet you learned to check 😆
NameChange74567 · 02/01/2022 16:18

@LubaLuca

My MIL blamed me when my husband forgot to pack his pants when we went to visit them.
I hope you left him there Grin
Original poster
CrumpledCrumpet · 02/01/2022 16:28

@Arethechildreninbedyet

A pjs and a change of clothes is vague to ANYONE.

A change of clothes for what? Going out to the park? Staying home? Going to church? Going out for the day?

A child would find that an insurmountable task. Sit on their beds and say ‘Mummy will help you learn how we pack, let’s do it together - we’re going to Nana’s and to the park so we’ll need a full outfit - so we’ll need underwear and socks and then something warm to wear….’

YABU

They basically wear joggers, t-shirt, sweater every day - I’m not fussy about matching so anything they plucked from their drawers would have been suitable.

Really I don’t think the task itself was at all challenging for the 8yo, he just wasn’t focusing on it. It was a slightly bigger ask for the 5yo - my hope was he’d have a crack at it while I was sorting out my own bag and then I could check and correct.

OP posts:
CoopsMalloops · 02/01/2022 16:33

Why didn’t you just do it for your children instead of whinging about it MN?
🤯

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 16:36

@CoopsMalloops

Why didn’t you just do it for your children instead of whinging about it MN? 🤯
Surely if you continued with that attitude dc would never learn to do anything
tickingthebox73 · 02/01/2022 16:39

I would say mine were doing it from lists from about 8&11 - the younger one more able than the older one....

But a word of warning, I still have to check my now 16yo's bag or else they would simply have 15 t-shirts and little else in the bag.

Nanny0gg · 02/01/2022 16:42

@liveforsummer

Tbh I do believe the responses. We see this time and time again with kids coming in to primary 1 unable to put on or zip up their coat, put on shoes or socks or cut up their food etc. Doesn't take us long to get them shipped in to shape and doing loads of stuff independently that they'd never encountered at home.
That's not the same as packing an overnight bag!

How many adults do that and sometimes forget stuff?

BruceAndNosh · 02/01/2022 16:43

@Totalwasteofpaper

8 year old fine and you check after 5 year old no chance
This .

My 60 year old husband can manage this.
Just

Nanny0gg · 02/01/2022 16:43

@CrumpledCrumpet

Well we are on our way at last. They did do it in the end. 8yo when I told him that if he was still naked and hadn’t packed a bag in 10mins then that would be how I was taking him. 5yo when I prompted him on the individual items that needed to go in.

I’d made the task very simple for them - I didn’t just say ‘pack your bag’, I’d given them both an empty bag and asked them to put PJ’s, joggers, t-shirt, pants and socks in it, nothing else required. It wasn’t understanding the task that’s the problem, it’s just the messing about.

So why didn't you do it with them?
liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 16:45

How many adults do that and sometimes forget stuff?

When the requirement is 1X pyjamas and 1X outfit? Really you think an ADULT wouldn't manage this? And if 60 year olds are failing it's because they've been enabled to do so for many years.

Sceptre86 · 02/01/2022 16:45

My 5 year old is not capable of doing this.

wannadisc0 · 02/01/2022 16:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/01/2022 16:47

@CoopsMalloops

Why didn’t you just do it for your children instead of whinging about it MN? 🤯
How will they learn if mummy does everything?
Iggly · 02/01/2022 16:48

Mine would have done it with me at that age.

My dd who’s just turned 10 can now pack a bag but only after I’ve taught her by doing it with her on many previous occasions.

This OP reminds me of parents who get exasperated at their children, forgetting that it is their own parenting causing them the drama 😂😂😂

NotSoNewAndShiny · 02/01/2022 16:48

If you mean could they dump their belongings in the bag? Sure.

If you mean could they arrange and pack everything military-style, remember everything they're supposed to and be all organised about it - especially without your help? My answer would be "You're joking, right?"

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 16:49

@Sceptre86

My 5 year old is not capable of doing this.
They are, you just haven't shown/allowed them
Iggly · 02/01/2022 16:49

How will they learn if mummy does everything?

They learn by being taught - teaching = showing and guiding.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 02/01/2022 16:49

I've just helped my 19 year old pack to go back to university OP.

It's ok, he can do it himself. He had to get the train home and pack his things before he came home. But he's getting the train back as well so I helped him squeeze a lot of things into his rucksack.

I definitely wouldn't have expected him to pack for himself at 5 and 8. I realise you want to stop your children being useless adults but oddly enough, when mummy isn't there, they do things for themselves so no need to panic on MN.