To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

[CrumpledCrumpet]

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

@mumsiedarlingrevolta

Yes I think so-

I would always have mine lay things out on their bed and we would check it together before putting in bag.

It is definitely a collaborative process in the beginning but worth it as they do learn to sort themselves out.

For a 2 week holiday maybe. For a bag with one set nightwear and one outfit, probably unnecessary

My 9 year old probably could, although I would always double check he had included everything he needed. I would definitely do my 6 year olds with him, asking him to get each item, rather than just expecting him to know what he would need and to actually do it unguided. And, actually, thinking about it, my nine year old would probably only do it successfully following a discussion about what to include.

YAB VERY U!!

They're 5 & 8 FGS!!

YABU

The 8 year old maybe but it would need checking a 5 year old not a chance!

My two children could have managed that task at those ages. Not boasting at all though. Young children can learn to do little tasks as such,if you teach them how to. If it's something like packing a little bag,with their own things in it, and they get some praise from you, they usually feel pretty pleased with themselves. for being so Clever, so likely will do little things again when asked to.

No they generally can't do that. I'm a beaver leader and when we go on camp I can tell which parents have tried this - they end up with not enough clothes and toys in the bag instead!!

This is the kind of thing my husband would do, and then make life miserable for us all when important things weren't packed. I get being independent but this kind of thing is setting a 5 year old up to fail. Why isn't progress being made? Sounds like this is more that you don't want the bother of doing it and you haven't bothered to teach them how to pack. Most five year olds can't remember enough items to make this process successful and over time these kinds of expectations really destroy confidence in children.

Is this part of their normal routine and you’ve taught them how to do it? Eg they go to dads every week etc.

If yes. They 8yo should be able to get the things together they want and need but you would still have to check it.

5yo would just put what they want. Rather than need.

I doubt either would pack them properly but could choose the bag they want.

Though my DC was pretty capable of getting the things they wanted to take and pile them up they would often get more than needed and never enough underwear.

8 year old yes. 5 year old no

Again, OP did not tell her children to choose or decide what to put in the bag. She gave them an exact list of items that they needed to take from their drawers, put into the bag. This is totally different from simply telling your children to pack for a holiday and leaving them to decide what to take.

My 5 and 8 year old could do this when it was somewhere they wanted to go. Like a sleepover round their cousins. They would procrastinate otherwise.

They are now 6 and 9 and can pack for a week holiday with a checklist, everything where it should be and me checking after. It’s not that hard but I understand that little kids get distracted.

That's still a lot of concentration and focus for a 5 year old, I think. Pretending they should be able to do things they aren't developmentally ready for just causes a lot of aggro and disappointment all round. Give them hard things they can do, not things you wish they could do. OPs intentions were good but she chose the wrong teaching vehicle for a 5 year old to learn how to sequence tasks and follow a list.

My 8y wouldn't. He might throw half of the things I have told him about in to a bag, but would go away mid-way to play with his toys.
5yo? Not a chance.

Pre covid we travelled to grandparents for overnights regularly, I "trained" them from young to gather their bits, but they had their own trolley bags and made it a game to get 2 pairs of pants, wait til they appeared... 2 pairs of socks, wait... tshirts, etc... Maybe not by age 5, but definitely by 8 they could put their own bag together. My now 6 year old would run rings around her older brothers in terms of organisation but they are capable at 9 and 11 to pack their own bags now without prompting other than the amount of days. I do check though.

5 year old - absolutely not

8 year old - maybe they could put key elements of bag together but would need checking and adding too.

You are wildly over expecting from them.

Mine could, but it would be a step by step process for the 5yo with me telling them what to go and get next.

Mine loved doing their own packing at that age. We gave them as much independence and responsibility as we could from an early age. The youngest's efforts were amusing though!
Once their dad and I each thought that the other had checked the bags, and arrived at my in-laws for four days to find that youngest had packed soft toys, my little ponies, her favourite jumper and one pair of knickers!

5yo when I prompted him on the individual items that needed to go in.

But why bother? He won't learn anything from this. All that's happened is that the whole thing has taken at least an hour longer than it needed to, you've got stressed out, and your 5 year old probably feels confused and unhappy. All for a job you could have done in 5 minutes.

I suppose a lot of people are guessing whether their dc could do this and assuming they couldn't (and indeed imagining a harder task with the examples of winter 2 week holidays and scout camps although fwiw brownies has always advised heavy involvement in packing as they need to be able to pack their own stuff to come home). As a lone parent with a very busy life and lots of trips our lifestyle simply wouldn't have been possible if my dc could not manage the basics themselves. I remember being proud when an impressed airport worker commented when my 2 dc independently whipped out all the correct things from their hand luggage at security and put them in the trays and removed their coats. Dd then got the bags off the belt at the end while keeping her sister next to he rI was being frisked 😆. I think they were 4 and 7 at the time. I promise at 5 and 8 they absolutely can learn to follow basic instructions and put 2 simple outfits in a bag

Honestly, you'd have saved yourself a lot of hassle to just do it yourself. It'd have taken 5 minutes. I'd no way expect a 5 year old to be able to do this without assistance. Surely you'd check their bags yourself anyway?

You are creating stress and drama for yourself. Just pack them yourself.

For how long? Til they are 12? 15? 20?

Doing it yourself is taking the short term easy way out for the long term hassle of always having to do it?

When your kids started learning to walk and kept falling over, did you say “ach it’s easier just to pick them up and carry them?” Or did you appreciate that the frustration in having them try and try was for their own good in the long term. Stepping in and always doing for them does them no favours.

Maybe because my daughter is disabled we realised that teaching her independence was so important in so many ways, we had more patience for the little things like packing cases, but I can’t imagine just not teaching them life skills because it was easier in the short term.

I've got a 5 and and 8 year old and they can and do pack their own overnight bags. I'd always give them a quick check to make sure they haven't forgotten their pants or packed wildly inappropriate clothes for the weather but I'm honestly surprised at all the people saying they wouldn't trust their children to do this.

@GoodPrincessWenceslas

5yo when I prompted him on the individual items that needed to go in.

But why bother? He won't learn anything from this. All that's happened is that the whole thing has taken at least an hour longer than it needed to, you've got stressed out, and your 5 year old probably feels confused and unhappy. All for a job you could have done in 5 minutes.

But isn't that true of almost everything a child learns to do? Mine couldn't put their own shoes on the first time they tried, but they learn by doing it when the opportunity arises, and repetition cements the skill so they can do it by themselves eventually. It takes longer, of course, but it helps them to develop independence and they are really pleased with themselves when they master something they remember not being able to do before.

Why not just help them? Especially the 5 year old

I don't think you are being totally unreasonable. My son has been packing his own overnight bag, with guidance at first, from about age 5. He wanted to though, so maybe that's the difference.