To expect a 5 and 8 year old to be able to pack their own overnight bag?

[CrumpledCrumpet]

I’ve asked 8 and 5yo DS’s to pack PJs and a change of clothes in a bag about half an hour ago. Despite increasingly stroppy reminders from me to stay on task, no progress is being made. AIBU to expect children of their age to be able to do this? I’m exasperated!

My 5yo could and does regularly pack her own bag for her overnight at her dads. But I always check it. Generally she's pretty reliable at it but not always. Once she'd packed only pj tops and umpteen soft toys. Another time she had exactly everything needed. So hit and miss! My 7yo would get distracted and just pack Lego so I help him do his.

I have a relatively independent 5yo and he would choose what to take with promoting and physically put the things in the bag but I'd need to be in the room with him reminding him what he'd need.
Your expectations are too high.

My DC (8,5) managed to pick clothes out for a 2 week holiday so yes I would expect them pretty easily to get an overnight bag ready

For the youngest I would check and likely add a few bits and pieces in case they splat their outfits with food

Eldest I don’t bother checking anymore

On the same page as liveforsummer

For people who for some reason do not want to read OPs posts:
I didn’t just say ‘pack your bag’, I’d given them both an empty bag and asked them to put PJ’s, joggers, t-shirt, pants and socks in it

Yes an average 5yo can follow instructions if you tell them: 'take this bag and put your PJs in it.' They would not be able to manage at school otherwise.

@G5000

Of course it's about teaching them, that's why you help,them & don't just tell them what you expect & leave them too it, they learn by you doing it with them & explaining why you pack certain things & how to pack them properly. The average 5 yo cannot manage that alone that's not how a 5 yo brain works.

I remember mine at 6, once packing a dress up wedding dress, 4 pairs of wellies & a bikini. She had the correct number or pants & socks though, but to her, wearing a wedding dress & wellies every day & a bikini for the beach... in mid winter UK, was perfectly acceptable

What they consider essential is very different to what an adult knows they need.

OP told the children exactly what they need to put into the bags. Bags that she also provided.

My kids are hugely more independent from experiencing other children all the time at work, but my 9yo can only just pack a bag herself. If it doesn't matter what the clothes are, the 5yo can do it, but she forgets pants. A pictorial list would probably enable this earlier.

Yanbu, packing pjs, knickers, new top/bottoms and a toothbrush isn’t difficult - especially if given that list verbally. I think it’s really important to foster independence in children. At 4, mine could get their own breakfast but I imagine that’s tantamount to child abuse on MN.

I think it's really good that you are training them to do this.
But I would say the 5 year old is a bit too young and would need your guidance.

This is so interesting- children today seem to be able to do less and less for themselves. When my two went on their p7 trip they had to show their roommates how to put a duvet cover on. I remember once sitting in a parent council meeting discussing packed lunches, and parents were still cutting up apples for 10/11 year olds!
A 5 year old should be quite capable of putting pjs and a change of clothes in a bag, in the same way they should be capable of laying out their school uniform for the next day, or packing a school bag.

to her, wearing a wedding dress & wellies every day & a bikini for the beach... in mid winter UK, was perfectly acceptable

Again, OP did not say that they need to figure out what to pack for a weeks holiday. She gave them an exact list of very limited number of items.

Eight year old yes, not necessarily the five year old.

way too young to expect this.

The 8 year old MAYBE, but assuming the bag and clothes they need are very near at hand and the 8 year old knows where they all are at the time you set the task.

I honestly think parents underestimate what their young dc are capable of . Even 5 year olds who get everything done for them at home will be packing their bag at the end of the school day. The ones not used to it will struggle at first but learn very quickly.

@bubblesbubbles11

way too young to expect this. The 8 year old MAYBE, but assuming the bag and clothes they need are very near at hand and the 8 year old knows where they all are at the time you set the task.

The Op has left for her stay. The dc packed their bags. The ability wasn't the issue, the messing around was.

I mean, iirc, 'being able to follow a 2-step instruction' (get your PJs and put them in this bag') is something you would expect, developmentally, from around 24 months. I think people are confusing what the OP actually described happening with a situation in their heads whereby the OP said to her 5-year-old 'right, we are off trekking through the rainforest for three weeks; get everything you'll need and find a sturdy rucksack!'

@G5000

Yes, I get that, but it's fairly obvious that neither of the DCs can cope with the task on their own, they clearly aren't old enough, as born out by many replies here. The 8 yo maybe, but not with the distraction of dealing with a 5 yo getting it wrong & probably messing about as 5yo tend to do too. Getting exasperated & posting doesn't solve the problem, helping them to do better, so that they learn for next time is what solves this problem

@bubblesbubbles11

way too young to expect this. The 8 year old MAYBE, but assuming the bag and clothes they need are very near at hand and the 8 year old knows where they all are at the time you set the task.

I have an 8-yo and I would be quite concerned if he could not figure out after all this years where his clothes are.

[quote RockinHorseShit]@G5000

Yes, I get that, but it's fairly obvious that neither of the DCs can cope with the task on their own, they clearly aren't old enough, as born out by many replies here. The 8 yo maybe, but not with the distraction of dealing with a 5 yo getting it wrong & probably messing about as 5yo tend to do too. Getting exasperated & posting doesn't solve the problem, helping them to do better, so that they learn for next time is what solves this problem[/quote]
Again, the dc packed their bags in the end

My 8 and 6 year old were able to lay out 4 outfits, knickers and socks, 2 pyjamas and toothbrush each - I inspected it before it went into their bags. Well able and I think they enjoyed it!

I'm in awe. I've had 3 kids - as 5 year olds they will put in the case whatever they thought they needed right now - their meccano bike, their lego campervan, their sandwich container....anything except clothes.

As 8 years old they were better. They needed a thousand reminders, a thousand answered questions why a football, a toy, a pet turtle couldn't go in the bag but put some clothes were in it.

They became good at packing bags at around 12. I'm honestly in awe at some of you.

Yes I think so-

I would always have mine lay things out on their bed and we would check it together before putting in bag.

It is definitely a collaborative process in the beginning but worth it as they do learn to sort themselves out.

I don't know why everyone is so shocked! My 6year old could do this
no problem. My four year old would need a reminder or two of important things and would accidentally / on purpose forget his toothbrush. Apart from that, I don't think you're asking too much at all!

@Simonjt

You’re exasperated because you can’t be bothered to pack for your own children

Harsh. It's fantastic to teach children to do chores from an early age. It doesn't save the adult any time as they need to supervise. It's way better than doing everything for your kids and then they leave home and can't boil an egg or work a washing machine

My 6 year old will pack a bag if asked but I end up repacking it as she just packs her toy box. She's been doing overnights with her dad for nearly 4 years and still hasn't "got" packing.