Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child maintenance

315 replies

anonforpost · 01/01/2022 18:45

I pay my x 570 PCM for child maintenance as per CMS calculator. AIBU to expect not to pay anything on top of the amount. I believe 570 should be enough to cover all expenses of my 2 year old child.

OP posts:
CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 01/01/2022 19:13

There is no "one size fits all" with CM.
It sounds like a decent amount of money. But... do you have your dc overnight? If not why not? If you do have them overnight do you provide everything they need or do you expect ex to send clothes/nappies/whatever.
Do you both pay for similar housing or is your ex paying for a family home whilst you rent a room somewhere?

carolsforxmas · 01/01/2022 19:19

Sounds fair enough to me, child maintenance should cover half of costs, the RP should be contributing the same. If a 2 year old cannot be raised for £1140 per month someone needs to get better at managing money.

Mellowyellow222 · 01/01/2022 19:23

@Hankunamatata

Though nearly £600 a month for one child under school age is a decent amount.
Is it? Depends what the mother is paying for childcare.
Mellowyellow222 · 01/01/2022 19:24

@carolsforxmas

Sounds fair enough to me, child maintenance should cover half of costs, the RP should be contributing the same. If a 2 year old cannot be raised for £1140 per month someone needs to get better at managing money.
Do you know the mother’s circumstances? For example her childcare bill?
Original poster
anonforpost · 01/01/2022 19:25

For more context. She is a teacher. I don't know her salary. She lives in a two bed flat. I live on my own. On a 1 bed flat. Son stays with me every other weekend but I would like to be able to see him during the week. I pay for everything while he stays with me. We still have a reasonable good relationship with my x. I think I can make her understand at the end. It is either time or money for me. If I want to be more involved I cannot do my previous job. Just want to understand what other people think. I don't want to rock the boat.

OP posts:
Mellowyellow222 · 01/01/2022 19:26

There is strange phenomenon on mumsbet where if a man comes on and says he is paying a reasonable amount of childcare there is almost outrage. Attacking the mother and stating she should live on much less. They compare it to what they received and argue this unknown lady should be delighted to have such bounty.

It’s really odd

Hb12 · 01/01/2022 19:27

How much is childcare? How much more does a 2 bed cost over a 1 bed?

Mellowyellow222 · 01/01/2022 19:29

In the uk the average cost of sending a child under three to chilchilcare is £263 a week full-time

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/01/2022 19:29

Sounds a small amount if it includes a daily childcare bill whilst you both work

TeacherMa · 01/01/2022 19:32

Has she said specifically what it is she is struggling to afford for your son? Why she is asking for extra money? If you feel your son is adequately financially provided for, and you're not in a position to pay more, you need to just be upfront and say so.

lonelydad2021 · 01/01/2022 19:35

Our child is in a nursery but I don't know the costs. I think she recovers most using UC. Maybe I can offer to pay half what is not covered? Would that be fair? 570 plus half nursery costs?

Original poster
anonforpost · 01/01/2022 19:37

@TeacherMa

Has she said specifically what it is she is struggling to afford for your son? Why she is asking for extra money? If you feel your son is adequately financially provided for, and you're not in a position to pay more, you need to just be upfront and say so.
No. Just that is not fair to reduce because I want a more flexible job. I don't think she is struggling. It is more about the principle. My choices shouldn't affect our son.
OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/01/2022 19:40

I see the argument on both sides- how inflexible was your previous job? I would never take a significant pay cut because I have children but equally I’d want to see my children.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 01/01/2022 19:41

@lonelydad2021

Our child is in a nursery but I don't know the costs. I think she recovers most using UC. Maybe I can offer to pay half what is not covered? Would that be fair? 570 plus half nursery costs?
I think that sounds fair. Your DS being at nursery is allowing you both to work. Not just your ex.
CaptainMerica · 01/01/2022 19:47

@carolsforxmas

Sounds fair enough to me, child maintenance should cover half of costs, the RP should be contributing the same. If a 2 year old cannot be raised for £1140 per month someone needs to get better at managing money.
That might not even cover a full time childcare place!
Lunde · 01/01/2022 19:47

The CMS is the legal minimum

Does the amount you pay even cover 50% of childcare costs?

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 01/01/2022 19:47

As others have said, the childcare for a full time two year old would be double that amount easily.

Cms is the legal minimum.

If you wanted the child one night during the week, you would be the one paying childcare on that day.

sjxoxo · 01/01/2022 19:48

This.
If you have full time nursery fees then it dies sound enough to me tbh!
Can you look at it without the cms calculator- how much a month is nursery, food, rent, clothing etc. What is this total & what is half of it really. If it’s 570 then fair enough, if it’s more then I think you should be reasonable and offer more. If you’ve got nursery costs I doubt 570 really covers 50%, and if you are only having the child a night or two here & there, you definitely aren’t near 50% if costs/effort/resources of your ex.
x

sjxoxo · 01/01/2022 19:49

Sorry meant to be quote this!

“CiaoForDiNiaoSaur

lonelydad2021
Our child is in a nursery but I don't know the costs. I think she recovers most using UC. Maybe I can offer to pay half what is not covered? Would that be fair? 570 plus half nursery costs?
I think that sounds fair. Your DS being at nursery is allowing you both to work. Not just your ex.”

User135792468 · 01/01/2022 19:55

How many days a week is the child at nursery? For a 2 year old round here, the cost is approx. £65 a day. Your ex is paying for childcare costs to enable you both to work. This means you should be liable for 50% of the childcare bill plus 50% of the costs to raise the child. Even when paying these 2 things, you’re still better off as you don’t have the child for 50% of the time.

TabithaTittlemouse · 01/01/2022 19:57

If you have a good relationship I would hope that your ex would try to listen when you explain why you have dropped hours.

I would have loved for my dc dad to have wanted to spend more time with them. In his case he didn’t want to contribute time or money towards his children.

RB68 · 01/01/2022 20:03

It is a minimum in my view. It is high as you are clearly a high earner and should contribute proportionately. I would say if you want to treat your child or buy some shoes or clothes then you should and it shouldn't be a question of well I pay the other parent x so she should pay for that or days out etc. I think when it comes to birthdays you should be splitting costs as they are above the basic needs element which maintenance is, same for christmas, uniform time etc - but only so long as you are not excluded - I might also say that for the small extra costs its worth it to maintain a good relationship with your childs other parent and I am sure they doesn't count what they are putting in including their time and effort and being present and sorting all the nursery/school/hobby/other stuff which if you are paying the amount you are is clearly being left to the other parent. Not to count all the evenings in/not going out due to having to be present. Are you doing any regular overnights, including say a Friday for a night out for them or even a weekday for being able to go to the gym etc.

I understand people saying 500 is plenty etc BUT its not a comparative thing - baby obviously shuld have a high std of living as that is her background and the idea is that a) his/her needs are met b) their standard of living is reflective of the income of her parents.

Another thing I always think is left out of these arrangemetns is that nursery fees should be split if they are allowing the other parent to work to fulfill their contributions. 500 a month wouldn't go much towards those you will find. I think it is wrong that the state is left to pick up these costs to some extent in may single paretn scenarios rather than the higher earning person who helped create the child in the first place

Mellowyellow222 · 01/01/2022 20:06

@lonelydad2021

Our child is in a nursery but I don't know the costs. I think she recovers most using UC. Maybe I can offer to pay half what is not covered? Would that be fair? 570 plus half nursery costs?
Are you sure she recovers most of her childcare costs? Are you assuming this or has she actually told you?
borisisaknob · 01/01/2022 20:10

Well I get £300 pm for two children and that's about half what CMS would be

However if I took the full amount from my ex he wouldn't be able to afford to live!

Piggyk2 · 01/01/2022 20:11

I understand people saying 500 is plenty etc BUT its not a comparative thing - baby obviously shuld have a high std of living as that is her background and the idea is that a) his/her needs are met b) their standard of living is reflective of the income of her parents.

You hit the nail on the head. It's all relative.
If you get £20 a month your likely to see what OP is paying as crown jewels... its not about that though!

Swipe left for the next trending thread