Child maintenance

[anonforpost]

I pay my x 570 PCM for child maintenance as per CMS calculator. AIBU to expect not to pay anything on top of the amount. I believe 570 should be enough to cover all expenses of my 2 year old child.

I agree with all

Other than the bit about parenting etc

It should be on a case by case basis. Depending on what’s best for the child and what has been the case pre divorce and, when old enough, the child’s preference

That may be 50/50
It may be more to the father
It may be more to the mother

@Excitedforthefuture

I’m confused

Dil does pay you. The amount that your son paid her when the child was with her?

Yes the amount she said was totally inadequate 5 years ago is now magically more than enough. What I was puzzled about was how she reconciles that, if you have long and loud complained to one and all that it isn't enough how do you turn that round and resent having to pay "so much" yourself.

@Excitedforthefuture

* Thank you Jessie75, I'm relieved that not everyone has such low expectations as ExcitedfortheFuture.*

I’m a RP! Strange if I had low expectations for NRPs!

You were expecting me to have paid the RP for a child that isn't mine. You thought now NR mother shouldn't pay me anything towards the expenses of feeding and clothing her child. She is the NRP, if you expect more of NRP how come she isn't expected to pay? Yes I'd say that is low expectations.

So you receive money from your DIL, the same amount your son paid her
PLUS you receive maintenance from your son.

So you have double what she had?

Of course I expect her to pay
And she is paying

The difference between what you receive and what she received is 100%

@Excitedforthefuture

So you receive money from your DIL, the same amount your son paid her PLUS you receive maintenance from your son.

So you have double what she had?

Both parents should pay. When the child lived with hiis mother she paid 50% and his dad paid 50%.

The child now lives with the a grandparent - both parents should continue to cover his expenses - so each pat child support. The grandparent should not be inciting the expense of the child - he has tow parents who should be covering all costs.

I totally agree

But the poster is complaint the dil is not paying more than her son

@Excitedforthefuture

I totally agree

But the poster is complaint the dil is not paying more than her son

But if the dial earns more then surely she should pay more?

Child support is income based

@Excitedforthefuture

So you receive money from your DIL, the same amount your son paid her PLUS you receive maintenance from your son.

So you have double what she had?

Yes as I am not his parent and they both are. Don't you think parents, R or NR, should contribute to their child's upkeep?

@Excitedforthefuture

I totally agree

But the poster is complaint the dil is not paying more than her son

No my comment, not complaint, was that she thought £x from son was not adquate for his share of bringing up his child. She now thinks £x is alot of money for her share of bringing up her child. The costs involved have gone up not down.

@Excitedforthefuture

Of course I expect her to pay And she is paying

The difference between what you receive and what she received is 100%

But she was and is responsible for her child, not mine hers.

@HugeAckmansWife

Then they need to stop en masse acting in a way that produces the stats quoted earlier. Once again the blame is laid at the (female) RPs doors for mens poor behaviour.

Who's blaming female RPs?

@Excitedforthefuture

I agree with all

Other than the bit about parenting etc

It should be on a case by case basis. Depending on what’s best for the child and what has been the case pre divorce and, when old enough, the child’s preference

That may be 50/50
It may be more to the father
It may be more to the mother

Well yes on a case by case basis, but it would be a start if we actually considered men equal parents and not eow parents!

id love to have that amount of money from my ex for dd and still would , if i had received that no i wouldnt expect any more as thats just sheer greed , any single mother who cant manage on that amount of maintainance for 1 child has got overspending issues

@chaosrabbitland

id love to have that amount of money from my ex for dd and still would , if i had received that no i wouldnt expect any more as thats just sheer greed , any single mother who cant manage on that amount of maintainance for 1 child has got overspending issues

You are spectacularly missing the point, she may well be able to manage but why should she if her lifestyle was of a certain standard before she split up with the father why shouldn’t she expect that standard to be maintained for the child afterwards. She works she contributes why shouldn’t he ?

@chaosrabbitland

id love to have that amount of money from my ex for dd and still would , if i had received that no i wouldnt expect any more as thats just sheer greed , any single mother who cant manage on that amount of maintainance for 1 child has got overspending issues

I think OP is a high earner so if you really take this into account its not a big deal on his salary to be fair.*@Jessie75* is right.

But he is contributing @Jessie75 ?

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

But he is contributing *@Jessie75* ?

For which the OP‘s ex is probably on her knees with gratitude…. tugging her forelock And curtsying to him every time he graces her with his presence 🙄

Chaosrabbit we did the race to the bottom thing already. quattro you were given the stats upthread for the female / male ratio of single parents and the %of cms unpaid. The vast majority of rps are women. The vast majority of cms payers (or nonpayers) are men. Many men choose not to seek or take when offered 50/50 care. Those are facts. By saying we need to see nrp dads as equal rather than 50/50 you are implying that the reality is all these desperate men dying to go part time or juggle work and childcare and female RPs aren't letting them. I've said repeatedly I would love my ex to want and do 50/50. He won't. Part of the problem is the incredibly low bar set for men.. They change an occasional nappy or turn up at the school gate and they're heroes. 4 days a month as standard after a split is the norm. That's not great at all but until large proportions of dads actively seek 50/50, even before a split, it won't happen. This is not the fault of the mothers. Dads need to want to seek a more equal role.

@chaosrabbitland

id love to have that amount of money from my ex for dd and still would , if i had received that no i wouldnt expect any more as thats just sheer greed , any single mother who cant manage on that amount of maintainance for 1 child has got overspending issues

Another race to the bottom comment. So depressing. So many women on here get so nasty about women who receive more in child support.

Your comment is ridiculous

I am sorry your ex is either not a high earner, or is and refuses to contribute to his child.

In this case OP is a high earner. The mother works full time and likely has a childcare bill I. The region of £1k a month.

@HugeAckmansWife My ex actually dragged it all the way to court before the penny dropped for him that him seeking 50-50 would actually mean he would have to do 50-50. we were actually in front of the judge, and my ex was explaining to him that there might be occasions when he wouldn’t be able to pick the children up from school and therefore Jesse would have to do that. And the judge asked him how he anticipated that I could do that and-work full time. NRP don’t want anything to change in terms of your availability for childcare despite the fact that they’re not married to you any more. Paying for childcare on his days wasn’t an option apparently

@HugeAckmansWife

Chaosrabbit we did the race to the bottom thing already. quattro you were given the stats upthread for the female / male ratio of single parents and the %of cms unpaid. The vast majority of rps are women. The vast majority of cms payers (or nonpayers) are men. Many men choose not to seek or take when offered 50/50 care. Those are facts. By saying we need to see nrp dads as equal rather than 50/50 you are implying that the reality is all these desperate men dying to go part time or juggle work and childcare and female RPs aren't letting them. I've said repeatedly I would love my ex to want and do 50/50. He won't. Part of the problem is the incredibly low bar set for men.. They change an occasional nappy or turn up at the school gate and they're heroes. 4 days a month as standard after a split is the norm. That's not great at all but until large proportions of dads actively seek 50/50, even before a split, it won't happen. This is not the fault of the mothers. Dads need to want to seek a more equal role.

I'm not implying that at all. The standard contact ordered is EOW. Maybe let's change that first. Let's encourage men to take shared parental leave and let's make it easier for them to do that. Let's encourage employers to approve flexible working requests for men too.

I am not blaming women but if you want to take it personally, fine.

See you almost made a good point there but felt the need to turn snarky at the end. Shame. I'm not taking it personally. Its a simple fact that all the alleged woes of nrps are blamed on RPs. The vast majority of RPs are women. Eow is awarded because in most households the woman is doing the vast majority of the parenting and the man is either unwilling or unable to alter his professional status post split, or, a judge feels it is not in the best interests of the children to suddenly unbalance their day to day life so much. In those cases, if the nrp is willing, contact can naturally increase as children get older but again, it's v rarely requested or sensibly actioned.... See jessie75 account. I 100% agree a more balanced parenting would be ideal both pre and post split.

@HugeAckmansWife

See you almost made a good point there but felt the need to turn snarky at the end. Shame. I'm not taking it personally. Its a simple fact that all the alleged woes of nrps are blamed on RPs. The vast majority of RPs are women. Eow is awarded because in most households the woman is doing the vast majority of the parenting and the man is either unwilling or unable to alter his professional status post split, or, a judge feels it is not in the best interests of the children to suddenly unbalance their day to day life so much. In those cases, if the nrp is willing, contact can naturally increase as children get older but again, it's v rarely requested or sensibly actioned.... See jessie75 account. I 100% agree a more balanced parenting would be ideal both pre and post split.

It wasn't snarky at all. You are taking it personally! You're saying I'm blaming women when I'm categorically not.

I don't think in most cases contact can increase at all. I know a few mums who literally post on FB every time their baby is at dads and how much they hate it etc etc. Some mother's do not want to allow more contact and then there's the minority who think less contact more money and stop it for that reason. Unfortunately I know one of those too. There are shit dad's but there's selfish mums too.

I wish it was true that contact can easily increase but for anyone with a court order it means going back and let's face it, it's not easy at all if the other party isn't agreeable. Which if you had to go to court initially, they're probably not.

I think you're being a bit unfair tbh, probably because you see it from your pov, the reasonable rp with the shit ex who can't be arsed. But not all women are like you, and not all men are like your ex.