No more staying at my ex house

[Nomoresleepovers]

Me and my ex share custody of our 4 1/2 year old son. His house is a 1 hour train ride away so to settle our son in I have stayed over for probably a total of 10 days? For the last 3 months to help settle our son in to sleep over by themselves. (The reason for the settling is that we had been separated for two years and our son had never spent the night alone with them plus they used to live much further away so visitation was infrequent/COVID travel restrictions are strict in our country)

The problem is that our son still breastfeeds to sleep (not great I know) but I have been working on this. At Christmas they had their first "Big Boy" sleepover and although they went to bed late and threw tantrums they did get to sleep for both the nights by midnight. I have praised my son greatly etc however because I have had family visiting who are unwell and have mental health issues and I live in a small flat I have not forced my son not to breastfeed to sleep between the 26th to now I did not offer etc (family members left 1 day ago) as it would have been detrimental to family members health.

I have taken steps to ease my Ds off breastfeeding such as wearing tight tops to bed strict bed times, warm milk before bed and now my family member has left their bed will be moved back into our room so no more co sleeping.

My ex is angry at me for not continuing the no breastfeeding and is meant to have them again soon for a sleepover but is asking me to come stay over for the 2-3 nights to "help build the child's confidence back up".

AIBU that it is better for our child to go stay without me and that my ex has to deal with it like any parent or grandparent would and it would actually help the child stop needing the comfort before bed?

I would like to say my ex isn't a bad father and does care greatly for our child but they are more of a Disney dad and expects me to do all the hard stuff.

I am so confused

First a boy then god knows how many, now a girl

Is her ex single or in a relationship as 'they also used' for him

Is he / she / they really 4.5 or are we going to find out this kid is actually 8

IMO I agree with people he / she / they is old enough to understand at daddies it's in a cup - if he / she / they can't get to grips with that then maybe a doctors trip is required to understand if he / she / they had other concerns

*Read again ... it's causing issues in the OPs and DCs life.

Not a great thing at all.*

It isn't. It's the circumstances around it.

@leatherboundbooks

PinkySyCo left to themselves without any societal pressure all children wean when they are ready. My own youngest child nursed for much longer and she was my most independent child. It did not stunt her growth at all and was the child happiest to go off and do things without me. Not one set of grandparents though, they were not particularly child friendly. And that was fine. It's about the child feeling secure and nothing to do with whether she was breastfeeding still. When she weaned herself she still didn't want to. My other child was weaned at 3.5 and didn't want to go there on own, and in fact didn't want to stay away from home until around 9. Breastfeeding had nothing to do with it. Both children could go to bed as older children still breastfeeding if I was out for the evening OPs child would be best seeing the father daytimes only until it feels happy there, Breastfeeding doesn't come into it really It's neither kind nor helpful or accurateto the OP to describe her as selfish for wanting to do what she feels is best for her child. You have no experience of breastfeeding an older child, and are being hurtful

This is so correct.

You sound jealous.

This is a weak and lazy accusation with absolutely nothing to suggest people are jealous of this situation

@aSofaNearYou

You sound jealous.

This is a weak and lazy accusation with absolutely nothing to suggest people are jealous of this situation

Where did I say they were jealous of OP'S situation?

Where did I say they were jealous of OP's situation

Where did anyone say anything that sounded jealous?

@aSofaNearYou

Where did I say they were jealous of OP's situation

Where did anyone say anything that sounded jealous?

I was calling pp jealous not you

There is absolutely no need or nutritional benefit for a 4 1/2 year old to be breastfed so yes YABU. Just tell your child no and stick to it.

@woohoo54

There is absolutely no need or nutritional benefit for a 4 1/2 year old to be breastfed so yes YABU. Just tell your child no and stick to it.

Can you prove there's no benefit including nutritional?

@woohoo54 who on earth would be jealous of this situation? The mother cannot for any reason not BF the child to sleep, she cannot have an evening out, she cannot have her own space

The child has huge tantrums that involves hurting animals etc etc

Who would be jealous of that!

This situation is not some lovely cosy breastfeeding and both enjoying it and the cold understanding that sometimes it can't happen, this is a situation that needs addressing and soon.

[quote Offmyfence]@woohoo54 who on earth would be jealous of this situation? The mother cannot for any reason not BF the child to sleep, she cannot have an evening out, she cannot have her own space

The child has huge tantrums that involves hurting animals etc etc

Who would be jealous of that!

This situation is not some lovely cosy breastfeeding and both enjoying it and the cold understanding that sometimes it can't happen, this is a situation that needs addressing and soon.

[/quote]
Sorry tagged the wrong person, this was for @user97533676

I was calling pp jealous not you

Yes, and I was calling it out as a lazy attempt to win the debate, because they didn't say anything that indicated jealousy at all.

[quote Offmyfence]@woohoo54 who on earth would be jealous of this situation? The mother cannot for any reason not BF the child to sleep, she cannot have an evening out, she cannot have her own space

The child has huge tantrums that involves hurting animals etc etc

Who would be jealous of that!

This situation is not some lovely cosy breastfeeding and both enjoying it and the cold understanding that sometimes it can't happen, this is a situation that needs addressing and soon.

[/quote]
I'll ask again... Where did I say pp was jealous of this** situation?

@aSofaNearYou

I was calling pp jealous not you

Yes, and I was calling it out as a lazy attempt to win the debate, because they didn't say anything that indicated jealousy at all.

Someone repeatedly commenting about what another woman does with her breast milk to her child screams jealousy.

[quote Offmyfence]@woohoo54 who on earth would be jealous of this situation? The mother cannot for any reason not BF the child to sleep, she cannot have an evening out, she cannot have her own space

The child has huge tantrums that involves hurting animals etc etc

Who would be jealous of that!

This situation is not some lovely cosy breastfeeding and both enjoying it and the cold understanding that sometimes it can't happen, this is a situation that needs addressing and soon.

[/quote]
My dc breastfeeds to sleep at 3.5.

I can have evenings out (not that I do.)

I have my own space.

My child doesn't have tantrums.

I still enjoy the closeness.

I wake up regularly throughout the night to feed for comfort.

PP Can you tag the people you mean on this please? I keep getting called into this argument but PP said I was tagged by mistake.

My previous reply said OP was BU as I was told by my healthcare visitor there was no benefit nutritionally after 1 years old with breast milk. Sorry if it seemed abrupt OP I was typing in a rush. Hope you get this issue resolved OP

a child that age is way past weening why is he still being breeastfed he will be at school soon.

@woohoo54

PP Can you tag the people you mean on this please? I keep getting called into this argument but PP said I was tagged by mistake.

My previous reply said OP was BU as I was told by my healthcare visitor there was no benefit nutritionally after 1 years old with breast milk. Sorry if it seemed abrupt OP I was typing in a rush. Hope you get this issue resolved OP

Your HV was lying to you.

HVs get very little training on BFing. Some are great. Some are bloody useless.

Your HV was passing on an urban myth that's got fuck all science behind it. It's just something that people say about BFing. I really wish they wouldn't do this. It carries no more weight than a random person in the street saying it, but because they're HVs, people quite understandably assume they know what they're on about when they're actually spouting rubbish.

The World Health Organisation advises that mothers should aim to BF our DC until AT LEAST 2 years old.

Breast milk is full of nutrition plus it helps support the immune system.

The UK has one of the lowest BFing rates in the world, and loads of negative societal attitudes towards BFing.

Think about it a minute - do you really think the milk of a cow or goat would be packed with nutrition for children, but the milk of a human mother would not be? How would that work?

So @user97533676 you can enjoy a night out the OP can't, that's the difference! This situation is not healthy.

@woohoo54

PP Can you tag the people you mean on this please? I keep getting called into this argument but PP said I was tagged by mistake.

My previous reply said OP was BU as I was told by my healthcare visitor there was no benefit nutritionally after 1 years old with breast milk. Sorry if it seemed abrupt OP I was typing in a rush. Hope you get this issue resolved OP

That isn't true at all.

@VelvetChairGirl

a child that age is way past weening why is he still being breeastfed he will be at school soon.

Way past which weaning age?