My partner died suddenly 4 weeks ago (no underlying health issues - not COVID etc…) and I was obviously devastated. If I’m being frank; I have had a traumatic few weeks and couldn’t have told you what day of the week it was. I barely slept - and when I did - I would ‘crash’. I had no appetite… and just was in a terrible state. I called my friend the next morning - who was very sweet on the phone and said I should meet her/we could go for a walk or a coffee. Or both. She has a one year old baby (who I assumed she would bring with as I’m unsure if she is still breastfeeding). So I suggested our ‘usual’ quiet place (where we’ve been to with the baby - but we’ve obviously sat outside when with the baby). It is a neighbourhood restaurant - also with bar seating - and we often sit at the bar with some tea/coffee. Obviously I wasn’t looking to go out and drink/party. Clearly. I simply needed to get some air - and get off my phone as all I had been doing was making/fielding calls. Also; as mentioned; it’s our ‘usual spot’ - so we would both know what to ‘expect’ at such a place.
I’m en route - and she texted me with a change of destination. Asking to meet at a coffee place. I said ‘no problem’ as it was a 2 minute walk from where we were supposed to meet. I get there - and her husband and other unruly toddler is there. He gives me a hug and then says: ‘EEEEK!! You ok?’
The place is FULL of screaming kids - and even two who were jumping on the seats/booth next to us - whilst coughing everywhere. Where they were seated; was right next to the ‘coffee collection’ point - and so I was essentially back-to-back with people awaiting their order and baristas shouting out names. Another table had a child smash an iPad on the floor - and for some reason; I just wanted to cry at that alone.
I was on the verge of tears when I got there due to my personal situation - and if I’m being totally honest; didn’t feel like shouting (due to the noise) about my now-deceased partner in front of an extraordinarily busy coffee shop. She then shouted (over the table/her kids): ‘SO HE’S DEAD?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!” I just stared at her and started crying.
She then asked me to get her a coffee - which I did (as I wanted a cup of tea anyway).
Whilst I don’t mean to sound self-indulgent; I found her behaviour just totally insensitive. Her husband then kept asking for all the ‘details’ (which is fine - but again; I didn’t feel like raising my voice to explain) and then later asked me to read his son a book…
I left about 20 minutes later.
AUBU to feel bitter - even now - a few weeks later - that this was ‘support’…? (Please feel free to say whatever you honestly think).
I’m aware everyone obviously has their own lives/families/careers - as do I - but honestly; I got home - cried more than I already had - and slept for 14 hours afterwards. They didn’t reach again out until 9 days ago - to ask if I was free for drinks.
I sent them a response text stating I wouldn’t be going to their Christmas party - and they said: ‘OH NO! What’s the matter?’
I know my state of mind is a messed up one due to sheer grief - but AIBU?! I felt totally unsupported - and I’m not even a precious person. Truly. If anything; I’m that typical British stoic!