Ex DIL leaving 8 year old in house alone

[billybobhonking]

Over the Christmas period I have found out my ex DIL has been leaving my 8 year old granddaughter alone in the house while she 'nips' to the shops. However, she can be gone for around about an hour.

When I brought up my concern to my son he said that he was fine with it, granddaughter is quite mature for her age I suppose. He said that ex DIL had spoken to her about what to do in an emergency/ to not answer the door etc. She has a snib on the door so whilst granddaughter is locked in she can very easily gets out. Ex DIL phoned her to check in.

It just doesn't sit right with me, I can't imagine leaving any of my boys alone at that age. Maybe in the car to nip into a shop quickly but nothing more than that. But since my son says he's fine about it I feel like there isn't much I can do. Other than look for reassurance that this is ok?

We are in Scotland and so there are no specific laws on this, it's up to the parents discretion but she just turned 8 in October. I feel it is far too young.

I could possibly speak to ex DILs mum to have a word but don't want to upset anyone.

AIBU to be concerned about this? I mean what about a fire? My son says she knows what to do but she 8 years old! Of course she doesn't know what to do!!

I may be an outlier, I actually think it’s a good thing that she’s teaching her daughter how to be alone and independent in short bursts. You can’t expect a child to go from never being alone to going straight to walking themselves to secondary school! Age appropriate independence fosters healthy secure children.

OP, you have done what you can in mentioning it to your son. You have no option but to leave it now. You can make it clear that you're happy to babysit if needed.
How do you think speaking to the other grandparent or criticising your ex-DIL would help?
It wouldn't, believe me! It would just cause friction, not make the parents review their decision.
Eight years old is very borderline for leaving a child alone for short periods and it really is the parent's decision.

To those posters saying it might be different if she were three or four--it most definitely would be different, it would be neglect.
In the two recent tragic abuse cases the grandparents had raised concerns but weren't taken seriously enough. It's appropriate for extended family to look out for children.
In this case though it's a matter of personal judgment and there is nothing you can do other than offer support.

@CazCaz0013

Children can be seriously harmed in just a few seconds. I work in child protection and we see it all the time. Please take the advice being offered. Do with it as you wish. I only came to this thread as I was horrified at how this story is being presented in The Sun online

Bollocks do you work in child protection.

Stop shovelling this fine rose fertiliser, no one here is buying it.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Dd would sometimes be home alone for a while at aged 10-11 so I see Id be wrong under Scottish law.

Except you wouldn’t - it’s ok as long as it’s not for long periods and the child can cope with the responsibility.

For goodness sake do not speak to her mother, she is a grown adult making choices for her own child that you disagree with.

My MIL once spoke to my mum about something I did that she disagreed with. It caused the breakdown of that relationship with repercussions in others

@lastqueenofscotland I think it is the same poster.

@BungleandGeorge

I don’t know any schools who allow year 3 to walk home alone. The difference between just turned 8 and 11 is enormous. 8 is very young in terms of size, strength and maturity. If the child can get out so easily I’d be worried about someone getting in. People need to stop this ‘none of your business’ , if you truly believe the child to be at risk it’s your duty to do something about it. Only you know whether this is malicious or a genuine concern but I don’t think you’re alone having concerns with a child alone for an hour when it’s not particularly necessary. Perhaps first step would be to offer to take her for that time or go to her house and look after her? Possibly next step to chat with someone in safeguarding at school or LA to discuss your concerns and get their opinion?

Schools that “don’t allow” children to walk alone are relying on parents not pointing out that it’s their call when their child walks alone, not schools. In the 20 schools I’ve worked it over the years most had that policy, not one didn’t back down as soon as a parent pointed that out. The cannot refuse to release a child if the parent insists on this, all they can do if they genuinely think it’s unsafe is speak to SS (who will usually be totally uninterested in a child walking to or from school alone as it’s normally not an issue)

Are you the poster who posts every month or so about how awful a parent your DIL is but your son is blameless?

Sounds a bit like it. They also have form for speaking to the DIL’s mother iirc.

@Blue4YOU

If I’m right, she really wants to get this child away from her mother who has done absolutely nothing wrong (and her son is a waste of space)

Yeah I think it's that poster too.