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Original poster

Ex DIL leaving 8 year old in house alone

183 replies

billybobhonking · 30/12/2021 13:05

Over the Christmas period I have found out my ex DIL has been leaving my 8 year old granddaughter alone in the house while she 'nips' to the shops. However, she can be gone for around about an hour.

When I brought up my concern to my son he said that he was fine with it, granddaughter is quite mature for her age I suppose. He said that ex DIL had spoken to her about what to do in an emergency/ to not answer the door etc. She has a snib on the door so whilst granddaughter is locked in she can very easily gets out. Ex DIL phoned her to check in.

It just doesn't sit right with me, I can't imagine leaving any of my boys alone at that age. Maybe in the car to nip into a shop quickly but nothing more than that. But since my son says he's fine about it I feel like there isn't much I can do. Other than look for reassurance that this is ok?

We are in Scotland and so there are no specific laws on this, it's up to the parents discretion but she just turned 8 in October. I feel it is far too young.

I could possibly speak to ex DILs mum to have a word but don't want to upset anyone.

AIBU to be concerned about this? I mean what about a fire? My son says she knows what to do but she 8 years old! Of course she doesn't know what to do!!

OP posts:
MzHz · 30/12/2021 18:54

Beak out!

Your DIL is a single parent so rather than sit there pointing a finger, make sure she knows you’re there if she ever needs cover.

Otherwise this is around the age I used to leave my ds, we did this as a long preamble to him going to ‘big’ school

HE in fact encouraged me to do it! Just for 30 mins or 45 mins absolute max an hour while I learned to swim.

We had a plan agreed, I’d call him before i got in, and as soon I was back out and if he needed anything to knock on neighbours door.

We have to understand our kids and manage that independence

That said, I have friends who’s kids are way older and they won’t leave them alone for a second. I don’t agree with that level of supervision, but each to their own.

Your judgement of a woman apparently doing an otherwise good job is very evident.

Geppili · 30/12/2021 19:15

Back off!

KurtWildesChristmasNamechange · 30/12/2021 19:46

@Blue4YOU

Is this the OP with the ex-DIL that she’s had several issues with including her non-invite to a Christmas pantomime because her son didn’t get the tickets, accused her ex-Dil of child neglect re homework etc? Asking because it seems awfully familiar
That's what I thought.

Also OP hasn't clarified how she knows it's more like an hour than a quick nip out.

SeasonFinale · 30/12/2021 19:53

How have you come to find out??

TyrannosaurusRights · 30/12/2021 20:42

U.K. rural ish village here. Locally kids of 8 and up tend to walk home from school alone/in small groups and at 9/10 they’re getting the school bus alone.

At 8 they can swim in the council run pools here and near my family (north east mining area) unsupervised, and it’s not uncommon for them to walk or cycle there unsupervised too.

Based on that I’d assume the average 8 year old would be capable of staying home alone for up to an hour.

PinkWednesdays · 30/12/2021 22:28

@Blue4YOU

Is this the OP with the ex-DIL that she’s had several issues with including her non-invite to a Christmas pantomime because her son didn’t get the tickets, accused her ex-Dil of child neglect re homework etc? Asking because it seems awfully familiar
I asked the same question too. I immediately assumed it was her again.
CazCaz0013 · 04/01/2022 20:47

@northstars

You are really out of line to be considering speaking to DIL’s mum. Most definitely not your place. You’ve expressed your concerns and beyond that it’s not your business, especially as both parents are satisfied.
I disagree, she is right to be concerned. Children under 12 should never be left home alone
CazCaz0013 · 04/01/2022 20:48

@devildeepbluesea

My DD is 8 and I leave her for a little while. She is extremely mature, and can contact me but she never has. In fact she loves being alone in the house.

If both parents are ok with it then it's not your place to raise objections.

Children under 12 should never be left alone. You could be charged in Scotland
CazCaz0013 · 04/01/2022 20:53

@VividImaginationAgain

I think it’s far too young to be left alone but, if both her parents are happy with it, I don’t really see what you can do. If you speak to the DIL or her mother you risk jeopardising your relationship with them and therefore your GGD.

I risk assess for my children and would not be happy with anyone interfering.

Agreed. The rule is that under 12 is too high risk and children should not be left home alone. If anything happened the parent risks being charged in Scotland. Between 12-16yr they should be able to spend time at home alone as it part of their development moving towards adulthood
CazCaz0013 · 04/01/2022 20:55

@Waxonwaxoff0

There's not much you can do about it really.

I think 8 is too young to be left alone though no matter how mature the child seems. I have an 8 year old and wouldn't dream of doing it, I am a single parent so that is not an excuse. I think it is neglectful personally.

A sensible answer at last! Children should not be left home alone at such a young age. They could be charged under s12 of the Children & Young People (Scot) Act 1937
audweb · 04/01/2022 20:55

@CazCaz0013 that’s literally not true. A quick google shows that to be false, it just is for a long period of time - and that will depend on the circumstances, age of the child etc.

My 8 year old would be capable of being alone while I’m going to the shops in that she would just watch tv and chill, however she’s too scared to be alone. I hope once she’s ten/eleven we can work on her being alone, but I imagine other 8 year olds would be perfectly fine.

audweb · 04/01/2022 20:57

FYI I went to high school in Scotland when I was eleven. You telling me that I shouldn’t have been left alone? That my parents had to accompany me? Maybe it’s not acceptable for every 8 year old, but we have to slowly give our children chances to try to be independent.

Stormwhale · 04/01/2022 21:01

I think 8 is very much a borderline age for this. Some 8 year olds would be fine, others not. My dd is the exact same age as your granddaughter, and she definitely isn't ready to be left alone. Although she is mature and sensible most of the time she can be very impulsive and do stupid things that she knows aren't safe or sensible here and there. She would also be scared of every noise and would definitely panic in an emergency situation.

So my 8 year old girl? No way. Possibly someone else's 8 year old girl may handle it much better and be ready for it.

Wrenna · 04/01/2022 21:02

If you have to speak with any one about it it should be your son. However I agree with you, it is worrying.

CazCaz0013 · 04/01/2022 21:10

[quote audweb]@CazCaz0013 that’s literally not true. A quick google shows that to be false, it just is for a long period of time - and that will depend on the circumstances, age of the child etc.

My 8 year old would be capable of being alone while I’m going to the shops in that she would just watch tv and chill, however she’s too scared to be alone. I hope once she’s ten/eleven we can work on her being alone, but I imagine other 8 year olds would be perfectly fine.[/quote]
The facts are a child under 12 should not be left at home alone. While there is no law that says you cannot do so, common sense applies and the Scottish Gov website makes it quite clear under 12 is too young. Should anything happen to a child left alone a parent risks being charged under s12 of the Children and Young People (Scot) Act 1937. You need to widen your Google search

CazCaz0013 · 04/01/2022 21:12

@Stormwhale

I think 8 is very much a borderline age for this. Some 8 year olds would be fine, others not. My dd is the exact same age as your granddaughter, and she definitely isn't ready to be left alone. Although she is mature and sensible most of the time she can be very impulsive and do stupid things that she knows aren't safe or sensible here and there. She would also be scared of every noise and would definitely panic in an emergency situation.

So my 8 year old girl? No way. Possibly someone else's 8 year old girl may handle it much better and be ready for it.

The facts are a child under 12 should not be left at home alone. While there is no law that says you cannot do so, you are 100% right to apply common sense. The Scottish Gov website makes it quite clear under 12 is too young. Should anything happen to a child left alone a parent risks being charged under s12 of the Children and Young People (Scot) Act 1937.
audweb · 04/01/2022 21:13

@CazCaz0013 it doesn’t actually make that clear. It’s a matter of risk assessing. No one is going to prosecute someone for leaving their perfectly competent 8 year old at home for fifteen minutes. Or their ten year old to walk to the shops, or to school.

CazCaz0013 · 04/01/2022 21:16

Children can be seriously harmed in just a few seconds. I work in child protection and we see it all the time. Please take the advice being offered. Do with it as you wish. I only came to this thread as I was horrified at how this story is being presented in The Sun online

Flickflak · 04/01/2022 21:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

CriminalOrator · 04/01/2022 21:27

Are you that poster who periodically posts about her former daughter in law, under different names?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/01/2022 21:29

My Ds is about to turn 8. I wouldn’t leave him at all, unless my teenage Dd is also there. And then not for as long as an hour - maybe 15-20 mins, as it’s too long for her to be responsible for him otherwise.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/01/2022 21:31

Dd would sometimes be home alone for a while at aged 10-11 so I see Id be wrong under Scottish law.

Blue4YOU · 04/01/2022 21:47

People- this poster is no doubt the ex-Mil who harbour a great resentment to her former DIl, who did nothing to her.

CriminalOrator · 04/01/2022 21:47

@Blue4YOU

People- this poster is no doubt the ex-Mil who harbour a great resentment to her former DIl, who did nothing to her.
I thought that.
Blue4YOU · 04/01/2022 21:51

If I’m right, she really wants to get this child away from her mother who has done absolutely nothing wrong (and her son is a waste of space)

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