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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex DIL leaving 8 year old in house alone

183 replies

billybobhonking · 30/12/2021 13:05

Over the Christmas period I have found out my ex DIL has been leaving my 8 year old granddaughter alone in the house while she 'nips' to the shops. However, she can be gone for around about an hour.

When I brought up my concern to my son he said that he was fine with it, granddaughter is quite mature for her age I suppose. He said that ex DIL had spoken to her about what to do in an emergency/ to not answer the door etc. She has a snib on the door so whilst granddaughter is locked in she can very easily gets out. Ex DIL phoned her to check in.

It just doesn't sit right with me, I can't imagine leaving any of my boys alone at that age. Maybe in the car to nip into a shop quickly but nothing more than that. But since my son says he's fine about it I feel like there isn't much I can do. Other than look for reassurance that this is ok?

We are in Scotland and so there are no specific laws on this, it's up to the parents discretion but she just turned 8 in October. I feel it is far too young.

I could possibly speak to ex DILs mum to have a word but don't want to upset anyone.

AIBU to be concerned about this? I mean what about a fire? My son says she knows what to do but she 8 years old! Of course she doesn't know what to do!!

OP posts:
Ohdoleavemealone · 30/12/2021 14:05

I wouldn't have left my son at that age for an hour but I do leave him in the house now at age 9 for 15 minutes and in the car for up to 30 minutes if the carpark if it's not too busy. I wouldn't be too worried about it unless the child was accident prone.

Dalalalada · 30/12/2021 14:06

The nspcc recommends 11 or 12 upwards if i recall. Yanbu to be concerned.

Ss contacted exh over this exact issue.

GrandmasCat · 30/12/2021 14:10

At 11 my son was taking 2 buses to get across the city to his secondary school on his own, like the vast majority of his classmates.

He could certainly manage an hour on his own at 8.

Viviennemary · 30/12/2021 14:14

It is a bit young to be left alone. Yoh have already voiced your concern so next thing is to report it.

RedCandyApple · 30/12/2021 14:15

I was reported to ss for leaving my 9 year old home alone for half an hour and they did check up on the report

Wannabangbang · 30/12/2021 14:15

My dd is 8 and i wouldn't leave her unsupervised not even for local shop so yanbu but it's best to talk to your son not your ex Dil. I personally think 8 is too young even when my eldest was that age being mature i never left him. There's no guidelines on age but i personally have only left mine to go to local shop at about age 11 and not 100% comfortable leaving for too long unless 12 etc depending on maturity.

madisonbridges · 30/12/2021 14:16

@Dalalalada

The nspcc recommends 11 or 12 upwards if i recall. Yanbu to be concerned.

Ss contacted exh over this exact issue.

To be fair, all charities recommend at the most extreme end so there can be no comeback against them.
SomePosters · 30/12/2021 14:16

Here’s a radica idea… let her parent as she sees fit

You’ve had your turn

WallaceinAnderland · 30/12/2021 14:18

Both parents risk assessed and happy with it. Child happy with it. I don't see a problem.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 30/12/2021 14:21

Could you offer to look after your grand-daughter while her mum pops to the shops?

Howmanysleepsnow · 30/12/2021 14:23

It seems a bit of a non issue to me. From Y5 (so age 9) our school lets children walk home on their own. I’d say crossing busy roads and negotiating stranger danger etc is much more risky than sitting in your own home watching TV/ playing, yet my school has presumably assessed that most children at the age your GD will be in 8 months are capable of managing this unsupervised, and also potentially returning to any empty house. If that’s the benchmark, I expect a sensible 8 year old would have no problem with being briefly home alone on occasion.

MeltedWax · 30/12/2021 14:25

I think it's fine.

I have a 7 & 9yo. The eldest isn't happy to be left alone (even though she is very sensible and would be fine!) so I don't. However as soon as she is happy, I will leave her when I pop to the shops or take the dog round the block.

I think it very much depends on the child.

JaninaDuszejko · 30/12/2021 14:27

I wouldn't leave my 9yo home alone yet, his sisters were left for short periods alone and allowed to walk home from school from 10. If something happened to your GD when your DIL is out of the house there is the possibility that she could be investigated for neglect.

TheWomandestroyed · 30/12/2021 14:28

I agree with you, it's too young to be left alone for anything more than 10 minutes.

lastqueenofscotland · 30/12/2021 14:29

Are you the poster who posts every month or so about how awful a parent your DIL is but your son is blameless?

Depends on the 8 year old, I know 8 year olds who are more trustworthy than 14/15 year olds, I know some who are more like 5/6 year olds in terms of maturity.
Don’t speak to her mother for fucks sake.

GreetingsAndSalutations · 30/12/2021 14:29

You’ve spoken to your son who’s the other parent and he’s fine with it. This is between him and the mother of his child. What do you actually think will come of having a word with your son’s exMIL? Do you really think anyone will come round to your way of thinking if you did that? Don’t be daft.

JaninaDuszejko · 30/12/2021 14:30

and also potentially returning to any empty house

Our primary school won't let children walk home alone if there's no adult at home.

user290814356289 · 30/12/2021 14:31

What's the difference between leaving them in the car alone and leaving them in the house alone? Either way they are alone.

Svara · 30/12/2021 14:32

I left DS from 8 for an hour or so, it's age appropriate for the typical child imo

elbea · 30/12/2021 14:34

It seems odd that there is huge concern about an eight year home alone for fifteen minutes but there are loads of children around eight playing out in the park on their own. I’d expect playing unaccompanied outside to be much more dangerous!

WWTBCD · 30/12/2021 14:35

Personally I think 8 is too young and wouldn't do it myself but you need to keep out of this. If both parents are ok with it then that's it.

Absolutely don't be calling her family to gossip with them, it won't go well.

theremustonlybeone · 30/12/2021 14:36

lastqueenofscotland i was thinking it was the same poster too

MsFogi · 30/12/2021 14:37

Mature 8 year old - this is absolutely fine!!! Get a grip OP and stop meddling.

icedcoffees · 30/12/2021 14:37

@Dalalalada

The nspcc recommends 11 or 12 upwards if i recall. Yanbu to be concerned.

Ss contacted exh over this exact issue.

The NSPCC guidelines are hugely idealistic IMO.

Children walk home from school alone here age 9. They're left home alone all day once they're at secondary - there just is no holiday care for them once they hit 11.

What does the NSPCC actually expect parents to do in reality? Just never go to work so their DC have parental supervision all day, everyday?

MillaRennt · 30/12/2021 14:37

My mum used to do the same when she went to the shops. She'd leave me for about 40/45min alone at home. It never bothered me. I knew where she was and approx how long she would take, I knew not to open the door for anyone etc. As long as both parents are fine with it, there is nothing you can do. I say this kindly but do not mention your worries to your ex DIL, she won't take kindly to it.

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