Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

[Neolara]

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

Tell them yourself. Surely you know them well enough to be able to have a conversation with them. Before your birthday say please could you buy the vegetarian cheese selection and show them the picture.

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Yes, that is better.

Every poster who said the equivalent of 'doh, OP, all cheese is vegetarian, you idiot',

should response with "wow, I never knew that, apologies for doubting, OP, I've learnt something new "

I got cheese for Christmas. A selection pack.
All 'cheese with bits in' which I won't like.

It is vegetarian though.

OP - I’m a vegetarian.

MN users - no you’re not, you’re a vegan! Get it right!

😂😂😂

I think OP has a better idea of what she does and doesn’t eat…

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.[/quote]
You’re not a vegetarian if you’ll happily eat non-vegetarian cheese (or chocolate mousse containing beef gelatine, or chips cooked in animal fat…) You’re someone who follows a mostly vegetarian diet. It makes life harder for strict vegetarians (like me) when people claim to be vegetarian while readily consuming animal products and even fish.

@PinkWaferBiscuit I'm not sure why you're getting a whacking, you acknowledged that you'd learnt something, unlike the ones who tried to 'style it out' or disappeared

I’d send a message (from yourself, no idea why your DH needs to tell them) along the lines of “thank you for the gift, I’m sure I’ll love the but unfortunately DH will have to eat the rest as they’re not vegetarian”.

It’s a little thoughtless of them not to check, although their money to waste. But I’d be making it clear to them that they’ve made a mistake, not for the first time and even after being told it seems.

12:15GoodForTheSoul

To all the posters saying OP's husband needs to tell them. Is OP not an adult woman who in fact has a relationship with these people and can gasp speak for herself?!

Well the op doesn't want to say anything because she is " too nice" that is why posters are mentioning the husband says to them.

@GoodForTheSoul

To all the posters saying OP's husband needs to tell them. Is OP not an adult woman who in fact has a relationship with these people and can gasp speak for herself?!

Yes, she probably is an adult. But her husband is likely to have a better relationship with his parents than the OP has with them - maybe your family situation is different, but don’t assume others are like that.

And the in laws may take the news better from a concerned observer, rather than from an ungrateful recipient of their gifts.

[quote PotatoOfTheNight]@PinkWaferBiscuit I'm not sure why you're getting a whacking, you acknowledged that you'd learnt something, unlike the ones who tried to 'style it out' or disappeared[/quote]
Me either. It takes a lot to admit you were wrong and be willing to engage with others to learn more. No wonder others have disappeared if the alternative is to stay and get your arse handed to you on a plate.

OP: I've been veggie for over 30 years
PP#1: Do you mean vegan?

This thread has actually been very helpful. I'd assumed my in laws understood why some cheese was not vegetarian, but clearly this fact is not as well known as I'd thought. Maybe my DH just needs to explain this to them more clearly so they understand why I don't eat certain cheeses.

I agree - this thread demonstrates admirably why they might not have understood!

I only knew because of vegetarian relatives, I wouldn't have thought to check otherwise.

This thread perfectly illustrates that lots of people don’t know that cheese often isn’t vegetarian

Don’t worry, vegetarians already know

Actually lots don't know. Many people are quite ignorant about food production

[quote PotatoOfTheNight]@PinkWaferBiscuit I'm not sure why you're getting a whacking, you acknowledged that you'd learnt something, unlike the ones who tried to 'style it out' or disappeared[/quote]
Exactly, I agree with this, poster has acknowledged they made a mistake, I already knew about rennet as I don’t eat it but I can see why others wouldn’t know.

@TangledUp789 ahh chocolate mousse, missing that and chocolate yoghurts/puddings containing gelatine is what got me started on the move from vegetarian to vegan once I discovered Alpro chocolate puddings. And now Alpro do chocolate mousse as well!

I’ve been vegetarian for over 20 years and while I don’t eat any meat I’m not strict about other meat by products and have to confess I didn’t realise this. It may be helpful to gently explain to your in laws why some cheese isn’t vegetarian so they properly understand what qualifies as vegetarian cheese.

@Whichcatthatcat

Why do people think the OP doesn't know what she means? She says she is vegetarian not vegan. She also says the cheeses she has are not suitable for vegetarians.

Why do you think you know better?

Many cheeses are not suitable for vegetarians, find out your facts before assume OP is stupid.

This

The fact DH mentioned it before and they still sent 3/4 not for OP I think I’d ask him to follow up and say Op really loved the x cheese but it was a shame she couldn’t enjoy the other 3. It’s such a lovely present and she loves cheese but would you mind asking shop to send all vegetarian cheese next time as it is her gift.

Apologies to me parmasan and hard cheese are the same thing! I don't eat either as I don't like the taste. So my comments about normal parmasan from the supermarket being vegetarian were in relation to Italian hard cheese which is usually what my husband buys. 🤦‍♀️

@frazzledasarock
red is not always made from beetles.
Red colour can also come from beetroot, cherries, raspberries, grapes and so on, as well as from synthetics. Cochineal is still available but is less used because its more expensive than the vegetable/fruit/synthetic options and there is also the yuck factor of using beetles.

[quote godmum56]@frazzledasarock
red is not always made from beetles.
Red colour can also come from beetroot, cherries, raspberries, grapes and so on, as well as from synthetics. Cochineal is still available but is less used because its more expensive than the vegetable/fruit/synthetic options and there is also the yuck factor of using beetles.[/quote]
Is it? I have to avoid loads of cakes because of it and sweets, because they contain cochineal it’s in quite a lot of things.

Is it always from the same place OP?
If they shop from different places, could you (or your DH) suggest ordering from a cheese company where all their cheeses are vegetarian? For example
Northumberland Cheese Company - I’ve ordered from there before and loved the cheeses

I’m really surprised that so many people still don’t know that lots of cheese isn’t vegetarian. Also, that so many people don’t know what rennet is.

This thread makes me wonder how many of you check packets before serving food to guests?

My dd is a strict vegetarian so I am well used to checking everything and only use things that have the V branding.

I also do the same for any guests that have specific allergies, or check item with said guest first if I am unsure.

This thread makes me wonder if people just assume oh that must be ok, I'll serve that.