Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

499 replies

Neolara · 30/12/2021 11:36

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

OP posts:
NynaeveSedai · 30/12/2021 11:45

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Surely you mean Vegan, all cheese is suitable for vegetarians. Confused
Animal rennet is not vegetarian
NynaeveSedai · 30/12/2021 11:46

Can your husband not spell it out to them??

AffIt · 30/12/2021 11:47

As this thread very clearly demonstrates, many omnis don't know that a lot of cheeses aren't vegetarian.

I am the only vegetarian in my family and had to inform my BiL a few years ago about Parmesan.

Perhaps you could make a 'wish list' of suitable cheeses from the company's website and show it your ILs?

I agree, I love cheese, and hate seeing it wasted. 😸

longtompot · 30/12/2021 11:47

Do they buy from the same place each year? If so, and it has a website could you have a look and see what cheeses you can eat and maybe mention to them you'd love to try x,y & z cheeses?
It is annoying they do this. Do they understand what makes a cheese not suitable for a vegetarian? I know the cheese isn't being wasted, but it's a shame you get this lovely looking present and then not be able to actually enjoy it.

Notimeforaname · 30/12/2021 11:48

Ah thats a bit crap op. I wouldn't say anything as someone is eating them.

Whichcatthatcat · 30/12/2021 11:48

Why do people think the OP doesn't know what she means?
She says she is vegetarian not vegan. She also says the cheeses she has are not suitable for vegetarians.

Why do you think you know better?

Many cheeses are not suitable for vegetarians, find out your facts before assume OP is stupid.

dreamingbohemian · 30/12/2021 11:48

I imagine that like a lot of posters here, they don't understand that most cheeses are not actually vegetarian. I think it's ok for you or your DH to spell it out for them a bit more.

Perhaps before your next birthday, DH could talk to them and say something like -- if you are thinking of getting cheese for Neolara again, she would really like to try these cheeses (and give them only vegetarian options)

Alayalaya · 30/12/2021 11:48

He needs to tell them, not you. They probably think cheese is vegetarian and have seen you eat cheese before so they assume it’s fine.

sst1234 · 30/12/2021 11:49

This is as typical as an MN thread nowadays. More than half are questioning if OP is vegetarian. The other half are telling her to speak through her husband. Honestly!

cansu · 30/12/2021 11:49

They must know. Presumably they know that their son likes the non veggie cheese and therefore the gift is for him also. Alternatively they don't really care and just don't bother.

CurzonDax · 30/12/2021 11:50

I agree with above PP, it's your husband's job to inform his parents.
In the meantime, have you heard of the Olio app? You could post the cheeses on there, and someone local could make use of them, if your DH won't et them all, rather than throw them away.

(As a side note - I never knew about animal rennet either prior to this thread - I'm not a veggie).

dreamingbohemian · 30/12/2021 11:50

The good news for vegetarians is that more and more British cheeses will probably become vegetarian, because most animal rennet stocks come from the EU and are more of a hassle to get now because of Brexit

Willyoujustbequiet · 30/12/2021 11:50

@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.

HiJenny35 · 30/12/2021 11:51

Amazed how many people want to tell the op she must be vegan without bothering to consider they might be wrong. Yes op they obviously have misunderstood, I'd say oh it was lovely, oh had the ones I couldn't eat because they have calf stomach lining in so I couldn't eat them but I loved the x. Otherwise they will just keep sending it. Or if oh likes it then I'd just order myself some nice veggie cheese every year and let him have the other stuff.

Shedmistress · 30/12/2021 11:52

OP I have the same issue in a way, I've moved to France and there is hardly any vegetarian cheese here, we have to seek it out and research every different brand. The OH has just this minute come back with a vegetarian cheese pizza for tea tomorrow.

I shall keep seeking out the non calf rennet cheese, but is one vegetarian cheese better than none? In my world it definitely is.

I'd perhaps get your OH to either say thanks for all the cheese again, but perhaps knock it on the head for next year as you keep buying stuff she can't eat...

Willyoujustbequiet · 30/12/2021 11:52

Rennet not tenner lol

TheBestUsernamesAreGone · 30/12/2021 11:52

I suppose your relatives assume the same as a lot of people on this thread, that cheese is vegetarian. Not many people know about rennet and how some cheese is made. Hopefully this thread will be informative.

SpellBounds · 30/12/2021 11:52

Oh I see I've heard of rennet but it's certainly not present is any "normal" cheese - definitely not present in normal parmasan - my husband is vegetarian and we've never had an issue. I guess because it's "posh" cheese that's why it's an issue. You just need to say OP - tell them why it's not veggie as like many of us they probably don't understand the issue.

Meandmini3 · 30/12/2021 11:53

I’m vegetarian and don’t eat non-vegetarian cheese. Anything from a dead animal is not okay! I would tell your PIL. Say how amazing that ONE vegetarian cheese was and explain that your husband ate the others because they were not veggie ones. Don’t mention previous years. Lots of praise for the one you did eat! They should take the hint for next time.

GrowBabyGrow · 30/12/2021 11:53

I would definitely say something, especially as it indicates that maybe they could be serving you food at other times of year that is not actually vegetarian. As most of the posts here show, non vegetarians don't really know what is and isn't suitable. I'm sure they'd be horrified to know that they've not been giving you a vegetarian gift and it's much more likely that they would want to know.

Shedmistress · 30/12/2021 11:53

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.[/quote]
If you are veggie and eat cheese made with calf rennet, you are not a vegetarian. You might think you are but you are not.

If someone calls themselves a vegetarian but eats fish, then they aren't.

Words have meanings, if you don't understand them, perhaps don't use them?

BurntO · 30/12/2021 11:54

So many cheeses aren’t vegetarian. (Yes vegetarian, we aren’t talking about vegan Ian here)

Since your OH have them the heads up not sure what else you can do OP. Did he specifically mention that the cheeses given are not suitable for vegetarians?

TruffleShuffles · 30/12/2021 11:54

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.[/quote]
You would consider someone who won’t eat part of an animal vegan but not vegetarian?

BurntO · 30/12/2021 11:54

Vegan Ian 😂😂 vegansim!!

sst1234 · 30/12/2021 11:55

Does no one on MN ever speak to their in laws themselves? Even for something as harmless as cheese? Do you always communicate through your spouses?