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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

499 replies

Neolara · 30/12/2021 11:36

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

OP posts:

Pedalpushers · 30/12/2021 11:55

I think you need to explain about the rennet issue as they presumably don't understand what you mean and think they ARE ordering vegetarian cheese. I like the PP suggestion of a wishlist/suggestion of your favourites to help them out.

ineedsun · 30/12/2021 11:55

And this thread is a perfect example of the problem! Most people assume that all cheese is vegetarian and even when they’re told it’s not they can’t get their head around it. Do your in-laws properly understand?

Meandmini3 · 30/12/2021 11:55

@Willyoujustbequiet that’s ridiculous. Someone isn’t vegan because they don’t want to eat rennet. A vegan doesn’t eat ANY animal products. A vegetarian doesn’t eat any products from dead animals. Rennet falls into that category just like gelatine. Someone happy to eat rennet and gelatine but not meat would just be someone who prefers not to eat meat…..

Shedmistress · 30/12/2021 11:56

@SpellBounds

Oh I see I've heard of rennet but it's certainly not present is any "normal" cheese - definitely not present in normal parmasan - my husband is vegetarian and we've never had an issue. I guess because it's "posh" cheese that's why it's an issue. You just need to say OP - tell them why it's not veggie as like many of us they probably don't understand the issue.

Rennet is what is used to make the cheese. So it is present in all hard cheeses. Otherwise they would be soft. Vegetarian rennet is often made with nettles not the contents of dead calves stomachs.

Parmesan is most definitely not vegetarian.

EinsteinaGogo · 30/12/2021 11:56

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Surely you mean Vegan, all cheese is suitable for vegetarians.

Why do you say that ?

KenDodd · 30/12/2021 11:57

Well I think this thread has provided your answer op.
You need to explain to them WHY cheese isn't vegetarian.

EinsteinaGogo · 30/12/2021 11:58

@Willyoujustbequiet

Vegetarians eat cheese

Do you mean you're a vegan?

You can't blame anyone if you haven't told them you're vegan

Why do posters quote when they don't have a clue???

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/12/2021 11:58

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.[/quote]
I think it’s very common for most vegetarians not to eat rennet, just as most will also not eat gelatine. Both products are made from dead animals and generally the difference between a vegetarian and a vegan is that a vegetarian doesn’t want to eat the animal itself but is happy to eat eggs/ milk etc which are taken from a live animal. A vegan won’t use or consume any animal products at all.

‘Vegetarians’ who eat rennet and gelatine are eating a dead animal and so I would argue aren’t true vegetarians, although I understand why they would call themselves such for ease of understanding if these are the only instances where they eat dead animals.

HiJenny35 · 30/12/2021 11:58

Don't have ridiculous friends then, they aren't veggie if they eat fish, they can call themselves a hippo doesn't make them one. As for considering anyone who doesn't eat cheese containing cows stomach lining vegan, what an idiotic comment, vegans don't eat by products of animals or animals ie milk, honey etc. Vegetarians don't eat animal flesh or products containing it, so obviously wouldn't eat a cheese that has cow stomach in it. Its exactly the same as saying a vegetarian would eat a turkey sandwich because the bread butter and Cranberry jelly are vegetarian, if it's got animals in it they don't eat it. It's really not that difficult to understand.

Original poster

Neolara · 30/12/2021 11:58

Just to clarify, I'm veggie not vegan. As people above have said, the issue is with the rennet which comes from calf's stomach. Lots, but not all posh cheese use rennet.

This thread has actually been very helpful. I'd assumed my in laws understood why some cheese was not vegetarian, but clearly this fact is not as well known as I'd thought. Maybe my DH just needs to explain this to them more clearly so they understand why I don't eat certain cheeses.

OP posts:

JuniorMint · 30/12/2021 11:58

Wow the gaslighting on this thread
“You mean you’re vegan?” “You can hardly blame them if you haven’t told them you’re vegan”
“All cheese is vegetarian”
And the passive aggressive grinning and laughing emojis.
I think the OP knows whether she’s vegan or not.

EinsteinaGogo · 30/12/2021 11:59

@Whichcatthatcat

Why do people think the OP doesn't know what she means? She says she is vegetarian not vegan. She also says the cheeses she has are not suitable for vegetarians.

Why do you think you know better?

Many cheeses are not suitable for vegetarians, find out your facts before assume OP is stupid.

This x 1000 👏👏👏

PinkWaferBiscuit · 30/12/2021 11:59

Why do you say that ?
Because like many posters and probably the OPs in laws I presumed cheese was veggie friendly. None of my vegetarian family or friends have ever mentioned it not being suitable.

This thread has shown me otherwise, we don't all know everything and we can only know stuff once we've learn it. I'm sure the OPs Inlaws thought the same as I and many other posters.

Simonjt · 30/12/2021 12:00

@SpellBounds

All parmesan contains rennet, a lot of italian hard cheese however doesn’t and it’s cheaper.

RedCandyApple · 30/12/2021 12:01

This thread reminds me of the time a woman tried to convince me that vegetarians eat fish 🤦🏻

GerbilCurse · 30/12/2021 12:02

Vegetarian rennet is often made with nettles not the contents of dead calves stomachs.

Most vegetarian hard cheese in the West is made with rennet produced by a genetically modified organism. If you're taking it to extremes it's not really vegetarian as animal products would have been used to develop the vegetarian rennet in the first place

HiJenny35 · 30/12/2021 12:02

Normal parmasan, in fact all parmasan contains rennet, it's actually not allowed to be labelled as parmasan if it doesn't due to it having to follow that exact process. If you want a vegetarian parmasan you'd need to get an Italian style cheese.

GrowBabyGrow · 30/12/2021 12:02

@SpellBounds sorry but no parmesan is vegetarian, it always uses animal rennet in the process of making the cheese. It's not allowed to be sold as parmesan if it doesn't follow the original recipe.

It's the same as how wine makers use fish bladder in the filtration process meaning the wine is not vegetarian.
vegsoc.org/info-hub/veggie-need-to-know/cheese/#:~:text=Parmesan%20cheese%20is%20never%20vegetarian.&text=In%20the%20case%20of%20Parmigiano,means%20always%20using%20animal%20rennet.

Sd352 · 30/12/2021 12:03

OP, you do need to explain this to your in laws. Most vegetarians (I think, I am one and know many others who do) eat cheese made with rennet (and drink wine or beer made with isinglass). Your in-laws may not even realise the use of non-dairy animal products in cheese production. If this is a point you feel strongly about, the onus is on you to explain WHY.

WasgijGods · 30/12/2021 12:04

@Neolara

Find an excuse to go supermarket shopping with them and make a performance of checking cheese for rennet. Will probably make them think a bit more than just telling them not all cheese is veggie.

raspberrymuffin · 30/12/2021 12:04

The absolute barefaced confidence of the posters on this thread who honestly thought it was more likely the OP didn't understand her own diet than that they might not know something 😂

JeffThePilot · 30/12/2021 12:05

I think this thread shows how easy it is to misunderstand about rennet.

Similarly a lot of wine and beer isn’t vegetarian due to the finings used to ensure clarity, which often are isinglass finings (fish swim bladder).

Mrsjayy · 30/12/2021 12:05

Next year get your husband on to it before they order so they can choose the right cheese,

Sultanainasalad · 30/12/2021 12:05

My DH is vegan so I thought I had a clue about this kind of thing but I never heard of rennet and assumed all cheese was vegetarian- maybe we only buy cheap cheese! Your in-laws just probably never connected with it. Your DH could explain that you are becoming even more committed to your vegetarianism and won't eat cheese with rennet in it future.get him to give them a steer on what cheese you do enjoy.

alrightfella · 30/12/2021 12:05

@SpellBounds you can't get vegetarian Parmesan!!

If you look none of them have the green v/certified ok for vegetarians (assuming you are U.K. based) most supermarkets stock vegetarian pecorino and things though which I use instead.

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