Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

[Neolara]

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

@raspberrymuffin

The absolute barefaced confidence of the posters on this thread who honestly thought it was more likely the OP didn't understand her own diet than that they might not know something 😂

I know! Imagine being that cocking and so confident in your gaslighting ways

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.[/quote]
No, you are not vegetarian and neither are your fish eating friends.

I think tell your in-laws. If you get on I would like to be told. I honestly did not know that some cheeses were not vegetarian, but wouldn't feel insulted if someone pointed it out to me. Especially if I was regularly buying them something they couldn't use!

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Why do you say that ? Because like many posters and probably the OPs in laws I presumed cheese was veggie friendly. None of my vegetarian family or friends have ever mentioned it not being suitable.

This thread has shown me otherwise, we don't all know everything and we can only know stuff once we've learn it. I'm sure the OPs Inlaws thought the same as I and many other posters.

But you stated something as 100% fact, incorrectly.

A quick google will avoid you being embarrassed next time.

Get your DH to talk to them. It’s what I’m doing about the non-vegan toiletries and leather (!) purse that otherwise-lovely MIL bought me this year. I have been vegan for the entire 6 years she’s known me!

@Willyoujustbequiet you and your friends are incredibly ignorant and no, none of you are vegetarian if you ate eating cheese made with rennet or fish. Who the fuck still thinks vegetarians eat fish?

@SpellBounds I think you’ll find that most Parmesan cheese is not vegetarian.

But you stated something as 100% fact, incorrectly.

Yes a fact that many also thought to be a fact.

A quick google will avoid you being embarrassed next time.

Why would I be embarrassed? Its not embarrassing to learn you don't know something. I now know that some cheese is in fact not suitable for vegetarians. I'm sure the OPs Inlaws will be grateful to also learn this and hopefully a quick chat will help them better understand.

I’m going to get off the veggie/non veggie aspect and focus on the social skills angle of telling someone you don’t like your gift.

Do you think your relatives a) are eye rolling about your vegetarianism, do not know you very well, feel they have to buy gifts as a box-ticking exercise or are huffy individuals who remember slights 4EVA????

If any of these, don’t tell them, not worth it.

Or b) are they very close to you, love to buy personalised gifts and care deeply that the recipient consumed and enjoyed them, are well-adjusted or even thickskinned individuals whose reaction to being informed would simply be, ‘oh wow, really, how interesting, I’ll make sure and tell the hamper people next year’?

If b, then tell them.

If you don't eat meat but still consume animal products you are a non-meat eater. Not vegetarian.

so hand back your badge

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@Simonjt

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

I would consider anyone not wanting to eat tenner a vegan.[/quote]
Then you would be wrong. For example, a vegetarian could eat Philadelphia but a vegan cannot, and neither of them can eat Haribo or Parmesan.
Vegetarian = doesn’t eat anything from a dead animal (including gelatine, rennet, etc)
Vegan = doesn’t eat anything from an animal at all

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Surely you mean Vegan, all cheese is suitable for vegetarians.

@PinkWaferBiscuit

You should be embarked for this ^

You mocked the OP, assuming you knew better.

You didn't. I'd be embarrassed and apologies to the OP if I'd written that post.

Bloody hell the replies on this thread 🙄

Your dh has already told them that some of the cheeses are not vegetarian, but they haven't taken it on board. So tell them again, more clearly.

As a vegetarian too, I wouldn't eat cheese with rennet.

• on phone with old glasses.

Are any real vegetarians wondering if they have been served 'vegetarian' cheese by an omni who assumes all cheese is vegetarian?

I'm afraid no Parmesan is vegetarian, its one of those awkward things that if you know you know but many assume incorrectly about. Pecorino is your vegetarian friend replacement. And a vegetarian eats no animal products, I myself eat fish and don't fastidiously check every cheese. I might sometimes describe myself as vegetarian in a restaurant for ease of ordering but I would never ever tell a proper vegetarian they were a vegan for checking cheese, you are way off base Willyoujustbequiet

Every day is a school day! I had no idea about rennet, I would have assumed that all cheese was vegetarian.

Your dh needs to have a chat about cheese containing rennet that isnt vegetarian.
Logically I know about cheese and rennet - vague fact in the back of my head but on daily basis I might not put it together with buying cheese for vegetarian

@SpellBounds

Oh I see I've heard of rennet but it's certainly not present is any "normal" cheese - definitely not present in normal parmasan - my husband is vegetarian and we've never had an issue. I guess because it's "posh" cheese that's why it's an issue. You just need to say OP - tell them why it's not veggie as like many of us they probably don't understand the issue.

Normal Parmesan is made with animal rennet, it’s part of the curing process. But it’s not listed generally I think it’s an E number, however you’ll not find the ‘V’ sign on normal Parmesan.

Most supermarkets do a vegetarian alternative hard cheese which is suitable for vegetarians.

It’s really interesting how people assume non meat items will be suitable for vegetarians.

Yoghurt (muller corner)
Haribo sweets
Jellies
Mars bars very briefly changed their ingredients
Crisps
Anything with a red colour

Tend not to be suitable for vegetarians as they contain gelatine or cochineal.

KateLumley honestly you probably have. Not much understanding around gelatine either

To all the posters saying OP's husband needs to tell them. Is OP not an adult woman who in fact has a relationship with these people and can gasp speak for herself?!

Here is me thinking that cheese sales are likely to fall a few percentage points now that vegetarians realise they have been munching on calf tripe for decades.

You should be embarked for this ^

You mocked the OP, assuming you knew better.

You didn't. I'd be embarrassed and apologies to the OP if I'd written that post.

I apologise for being so dense that I thought I knew better, is that better now? I acknowledged I didn't fully understand and at least I came back to admit everyday was a school day and engage in the conversation.

Look no one knows everything and obviously lots of meat eaters thought the same as me. The OP has acknowledged that maybe explaining more deeply to her Inlaws will probably resolve the issue.

Not sure why you feel the need to keep berating me. I'm sure everyone has made statements in the last they thought were accurate.

a couple of people have been adult enough to come back and apologise for telling the OP that she's really vegan and all cheese is vegetarian. It would be nice if a few more did.

@Magnited

Here is me thinking that cheese sales are likely to fall a few percentage points now that vegetarians realise they have been munching on calf tripe for decades.

Don’t worry, vegetarians already know