Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

[Neolara]

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

@educatingrati

I thought most cheese was now made from a plant based rennet?

There are plant-based alternative coagulants, but it's mostly Fermentation-produced chymosin - it's the bovine enzyme but made by microorganisms rather than cows. Very clever.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chymosin#Recombinant_chymosin

God i had issues with this in the early 2000s... shocked at the amount of people not understanding that a lot of cheese is made with rennet!

@PriamFarrl

I didn't comment but have to admit I was ignorant about vegetarians eating rennet free cheese so lesson learned. I will take that on board.

But it wasn’t really that. I can forgive people that.
It’s the people saying that the op must be vegan or that vegetarians can eat fish.

“Forgive”. Patronising

I have a vegan + some vegetarians in my family. However one of the vegetarians eats fish. Not sure about the cheese.
Not surprising that we omnivores are not up to date with the requirements of every person with special dietary needs.

Itust be so frustrating because their are so many lovely vegetarian cheeses out there. Could you possibly tell them your favourite one?

@PinkWaferBiscuit

If you’re attempting to be condescending at least get your facts right.

Once again please read the whole thread I've already admitted I was wrong. Honestly not sure why people keep specifically attacking me, what else do posters want me to do, flog myself with a lump of cheddar?

Oh this made me laugh! It’s ironic you’re getting so much flak as you’re one of the few people to have held your hand up to not having known about rennet. Yes, you must immediately abase yourself with Brie!

@Glitterkitten24

Do you mean vegan? I would assume a vegetarian would eat normal cheese, whereas a vegan wouldn’t?

No @glitterkitten24 it's all about the rennet used. I worked for a famous pizza chain that advertised it's pizza as vegetarian but only in 1987 did they change the cheese to vegetable rennet!

@PinkWaferBiscuit

Surely you mean Vegan, all cheese is suitable for vegetarians.

Hahaha how embarrassing.

So many idiots.

The DH has told them the problem and ask them to select vegetarian cheeses.

Who knows-has he? The OP has not clarified. Again, if he explained about the rennet and asked them to make sure of this exact aspect then, I agree the in-laws have the information they need and if buying outside of this, are being dicks. If he just said ‘make sure you get vegetarian cheese’, then for the billionth time, most people would think ‘yes, I know x is vegetarian, this is why we get her cheese’ , thinking all cheese to be vegetarian, and shrug and buy the same cheese again. This is not a hard concept. It does not make the in-laws evil, or bless he has actually explained the rennet aspect and asked them to make sure of this as opposed to a vague ‘get vegetarian cheese’.

Hahaha how embarrassing.

So many idiots.

So many rude people outweighing those who weren't aware.
Hardly the crime of the century whereas mocking name calling and insults is being a mean cow. 🤷🏼‍♀️

When I called myself vegtn I didn't worry about tiny tracy ingredients. In wine or cheese. Most foods (where I grew up) are allowed a certain level of insect part contamination (present in the food) -- I didn't/don't worry about that, either. If you are that strict about animal rennet then you need to help the relatives understand - so yes, say something.

I don't know what you do about the insect parts in your food if you travel to a country that presumes that of course processed foods may have some insect parts in them, or if food-trade-deal with USA/other place brings that to your diet.

Hahaha how embarrassing.

So many idiots

100% agree imagine being such an idiot you would come onto a thread this long and not read the entire thing before posting a smart arse comment, how embarrassing.

I’m actually shocked at the number of people who didn’t realise not all cheese is vegetarian.

OP, if you're still reading here, I'm veggie and what I would do is get DH to tell them 4 cheese from the shop that you like and ask the in laws to get those instead.

I may be wrong, but I think PinkWaferBiscuit now knows that not all cheese is suitable for vegetarians.

I have a vegan + some vegetarians in my family. However one of the vegetarians eats fish

Then you have one less vegetarian than you thought you had.

Who on earth these days thinks fish are vegetables?

@Meandmini3

I’m vegetarian and don’t eat non-vegetarian cheese. Anything from a dead animal is not okay! I would tell your PIL. Say how amazing that ONE vegetarian cheese was and explain that your husband ate the others because they were not veggie ones. Don’t mention previous years. Lots of praise for the one you did eat! They should take the hint for next time.

The dairy industry is crueller on animals than meat, it involves the long term physical and emotional suffering of cows before before they are killed well before their natural life expectancy, when they become utterly exhausted.

So that's not OK either.

@Shedmistress

I have a vegan + some vegetarians in my family. However one of the vegetarians eats fish

Then you have one less vegetarian than you thought you had.

Who on earth these days thinks fish are vegetables?

I don’t think gatekeeping the term ‘vegetarian’ is particularly helpful. You may think of it as an either/or but for a lot of people there is a spectrum.

For example I don’t eat any meat or fish. But I occasionally have a jellybean (containing gelatine) if my daughter’s eating some, or have Parmesan in a restaurant without confirming whether it’s veggie or not.

I still describe myself as vegetarian and don't see this as hypocritical. In my mind when someone asks if I’m veggie all they really want to know is can they serve me beef, chicken etc or not. They just want a yes/no answer and really couldn’t give a toss about the intricacies of my diet.

And if you are a strict vegetarian you can always specify that you avoid gelatine, rennet etc. Although judging by this thread I wouldn’t hold out much hope of this being fully understood by many people!

YABU for refusing to eat cheese with animal rennet in it,but not caring at all about the dairy industry. You simply cannot be a vegetarian for ethical reasons, yet be ok with what happens to produce milk.

By all means reduce down your consumption of animal products, but don't make this out to be a moral stance when it makes no sense.

@Whinge

I may be wrong, but I think PinkWaferBiscuit now knows that not all cheese is suitable for vegetarians.

I think I've definitely got the memo now, but I'm more than happy to drown myself in a vat of mozzarella if people think it'll help make up for my ignorance. 🧀

@anditgoesonandon

YABU for refusing to eat cheese with animal rennet in it,but not caring at all about the dairy industry. You simply cannot be a vegetarian for ethical reasons, yet be ok with what happens to produce milk.

By all means reduce down your consumption of animal products, but don't make this out to be a moral stance when it makes no sense.

OP has said nothing about her reasons for being vegetarian, and has not claimed any kind of moral stance.

@RampantIvy

*Sound like majority of people don’t understand the varieties of vegetarians - some eat cheese, some eat fish, so it’s not all that easy as these posts show

No vegetarian eats fish. Someone who eats fish but no meat is a pescatarian.

Or just a twat.

(I bet the quote fails now and makes me look a twat)

@HoppingPavlova

The DH has told them the problem and ask them to select vegetarian cheeses.

Who knows-has he? The OP has not clarified. Again, if he explained about the rennet and asked them to make sure of this exact aspect then, I agree the in-laws have the information they need and if buying outside of this, are being dicks. If he just said ‘make sure you get vegetarian cheese’, then for the billionth time, most people would think ‘yes, I know x is vegetarian, this is why we get her cheese’ , thinking all cheese to be vegetarian, and shrug and buy the same cheese again. This is not a hard concept. It does not make the in-laws evil, or bless he has actually explained the rennet aspect and asked them to make sure of this as opposed to a vague ‘get vegetarian cheese’.

From the OP's first post:

"This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian"

So either too dense to check or don't care. They could look at the label, they could ask the cheese seller if they are still not sure. They could even go back to the DH with a "what do you mean" (and we don't know that he hasn't detailed why).

If someone says to you "can you please make sure the cheese is suitable for vegetarians this time" its bit of a clue if you give a flying ferret about the recipient. Either ask for more info or look at the labels.

Honestly the pathetic excuse making for what are presumably functioning adults with brains is risible.

I don’t think gatekeeping the term ‘vegetarian’ is particularly helpful. You may think of it as an either/or but for a lot of people there is a spectrum

Its not gatekeeping, its what the word means. If someone eats fish they are pescatarian not vegetarian.

Fudging the definition of the terms makes life much more difficult for those who do have specific diets (for whatever reason).

Just be honest and say "vegetarian but sometimes fall off the wagon" or "preferably vegetarian but not strict"

I wouldn't bother saying anything. Is the box misleading ie does it say vegetarian somewhere and PIL just didn't realised it wasn't referring to all cheeses?
Maybe via OH say no cheese next time, or no food (don't mention your cheesed off🙄).
Either that or start hinting about other things.

Almost all rennet is man made these days. I assume someone has already said this?