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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

499 replies

Neolara · 30/12/2021 11:36

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

OP posts:
NeverEndingFireworks · 31/12/2021 13:58

@SpellBounds

Oh I see I've heard of rennet but it's certainly not present is any "normal" cheese - definitely not present in normal parmasan - my husband is vegetarian and we've never had an issue. I guess because it's "posh" cheese that's why it's an issue. You just need to say OP - tell them why it's not veggie as like many of us they probably don't understand the issue.
Sorry - you are mistaken. Parmesan is NEVER vegetarian - it has to be made from the traditional recipe and always contains rennet.

vegsoc.org/info-hub/veggie-need-to-know/cheese/

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 31/12/2021 14:02

I don’t even understand why this is a big thing either. Seems the DH is not vego and happy to eat normal cheeses so why there can’t just be a taking off the cheese and tossing anything that doesn’t fit the bill to the DH I don’t know. Even if that’s all the cheese, what does it really matter, someone is eating it and as an adult it’s not like a gift is essential.

Lots of things in life aren't essential, but many people enjoy the practice of giving and receiving presents between loved ones - and it kind of spoils it when a gift expressly for you is clearly something that will only be of use to somebody else in the family (who has already had their own - suitable - present) and not to you.

I'm veggie and I eat any kind of cheese. I'm a veggie because I don't like meat. A lot of my friends are the same. A few call themselves veggies but eat fish.

That's a bit like identifying as a devout Jew - purely because you don't tend to do anything too strenuous most Saturdays. Somewhat offensive. As PP said, words have meanings - if a universally-understood word clearly doesn't describe you, you need to find or make up a new one.

mirandasnobs · 31/12/2021 17:56

I was a veggie for over 20 years but ate all cheese

They don't understand how strict you are

Tell them you dont eat cheese any more

HerculesMulligann · 31/12/2021 17:58

The many confidently stated posts on the first couple of pages informing the OP she doesn’t know what she’s talking about are hilarious.

Is there a vegetarian version of mansplaining? Carnivore-questioning perhaps?!

RampantIvy · 31/12/2021 18:03

If someone told me they were vegetarian I would assume that they didn't eat anything that involved killing a living being, therefore no meat, no fish, no cheese made with rennet, nothing containing gelatine and wine and beer not fined using isinglass or gelatine.

Have I missed anything out?

PriamFarrl · 31/12/2021 18:09

@RampantIvy

If someone told me they were vegetarian I would assume that they didn't eat anything that involved killing a living being, therefore no meat, no fish, no cheese made with rennet, nothing containing gelatine and wine and beer not fined using isinglass or gelatine.

Have I missed anything out?

Nope. That’s being a vegetarian.

Except some people on this thread seem to think that they can do what they fancy and still be vegetarian because they have decided a new definition.

Dodgyveneers · 31/12/2021 18:11

Interesting how many posted on this thread with multiple exclamation and question marks that all cheese is vegetarian. Clueless really.

Rtruth · 31/12/2021 18:12

Sound like majority of people don’t understand the varieties of vegetarians - some eat cheese, some eat fish, so it’s not all that easy as these posts show.

Now it could be the shop says they are vegetarian but are not or whoever is serving doesn’t.

They could be getting you some lovely cheese and knowing their son gets some as well.

Or they could be ignoring you. Prob best to either say “oh it was lovely but only one is vegetarian”

Or get your husband to mention it again

Londoncallingme · 31/12/2021 18:13

Yup - I thought all cheese was veggie unless it had chunks of ham in it!

PriamFarrl · 31/12/2021 18:16

@Rtruth

Sound like majority of people don’t understand the varieties of vegetarians - some eat cheese, some eat fish, so it’s not all that easy as these posts show.

Now it could be the shop says they are vegetarian but are not or whoever is serving doesn’t.

They could be getting you some lovely cheese and knowing their son gets some as well.

Or they could be ignoring you. Prob best to either say “oh it was lovely but only one is vegetarian”

Or get your husband to mention it again

No vegetarian eats fish. They are not a vegetarian if they eat fish.
RampantIvy · 31/12/2021 18:17

*Sound like majority of people don’t understand the varieties of vegetarians - some eat cheese, some eat fish, so it’s not all that easy as these posts show

No vegetarian eats fish. Someone who eats fish but no meat is a pescatarian.

Dodgyveneers · 31/12/2021 18:21

I have never met a fish eating vegetarian.

PriamFarrl · 31/12/2021 18:24

@Dodgyveneers

I have never met a fish eating vegetarian.
There are people who say they are vegetarian but eat fish. But they aren’t vegetarian.

It’s like saying you are Catholic but also going to the mosque for Friday prayers.

100problems · 31/12/2021 18:25

Well I learned something new today. Will be extra careful to check for V on the pack in future.

Dodgyveneers · 31/12/2021 18:31

@PriamFarrl so you say. My comment was ‘I have never met a vegetarian who eats fish’.

I have met pescatarians. Hope that’s ok to post my experience?

PriamFarrl · 31/12/2021 18:41

[quote Dodgyveneers]**@PriamFarrl* so you say. My comment was ‘I* have never met a vegetarian who eats fish’.

I have met pescatarians. Hope that’s ok to post my experience?[/quote]
If they eat fish they are a pescatarian not a vegetarian.

No one has ever met a vegetarian who eats fish. No one, ever.
They might have met someone who says they are vegetarian, but if they eat fish they aren’t.

Pliudev · 31/12/2021 18:48

I think you've had a pretty good indication of the problem OP! My son is vegetarian and I wouldn't dream of giving him cheese made with rennet. If you are prepared to eat parts of an animal's stomach I can't see how you can regard yourself as vegetarian. I check the labels in supermarkets and can usually find a good selection. There are even Parmesan substitutes available. But when I went to a specialist cheese shop recently there were fewer choices.
From the replies here I'd put your in law's attitude down to ignorance and I'd tell them quite honestly that they are giving you a gift that you can't eat. If they persist you will know what their attitude to vegetarianism is.

Insanelysilver · 31/12/2021 19:26

It honestly Wouid never occur to me that cheese wasn’t vegetarian tbh.
If you’d said you were vegan then I’d have obviously realised it had to be non dairy etc but I didn’t know that cheese wouldn’t necessarily be suitable for vegetarians.

cherish123 · 31/12/2021 19:32

They probably assume all.cheeses are vegetarian.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 31/12/2021 19:33

@PartyPrawnRingGames

Could she have some wafer thin ham, Barbara?
I'm only here for this quotation. Grin
Joystir59 · 31/12/2021 19:35

Most cheese is made using cow rennet

Joystir59 · 31/12/2021 19:37

No vegetarian eats cheese made with cow rennet. Or eats fish.

CustardySergeant · 31/12/2021 19:38

@mirandasnobs

I was a veggie for over 20 years but ate all cheese

They don't understand how strict you are

Tell them you dont eat cheese any more

Why should the OP be deprived of cheese, which she likes, when there is plenty of cheese which is suitable for vegetarians because no animal rennet is used in it's production? It's not difficult to check labels and if it says 'V' for vegetarian it's fine. For example there's plenty of cheese here.
100problems · 31/12/2021 19:38

When I was v pregnant I went to the specialist cheese shop in Liverpool Street station at Christmas. It was a beautiful shop with every cheese and related accoutrements in the cheese universe.

I fell under the spell of the shop owner who gently lulled me toward all the cheese pregnant women are recommended not to eat, persuading me that no self respecting French mother would deny herself the delights on offer.

I was like being a mongoose being hypnotised by the bloody snake in Jungle Book. I walked out under the weight of a bag bigger than my bump and had to watch DH and my BILs snarf it all down on Boxing Day.

NorthEastLass · 31/12/2021 19:42

I had similar the first time I met my partner’s family. They served a meal with non-veggie cheese and I mentioned it straight away. I’d definitely mention it