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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Non vegetarian cheese present for a vegetarian

499 replies

Neolara · 30/12/2021 11:36

I've been veggie for over 30 years, married for nearly 20. My in laws are very nice. Recently, my in laws have taken to sending my a selection of cheese from posh cheese shops for my birthday and Xmas. The cheese is not cheap. Each box probably costs about £30 -£40 for 4 cheeses. However, usually most of the cheeses are not vegetarian so I haven't eaten them. This Xmas, my DH asked my in laws to make sure the cheese was vegetarian. A box of cheese has just arrived. It looks fantastic but again, only one of the four is veggie. I will only eat this one cheese. My DH will probably eat all the rest of the cheese.

So I haven't said anything to the in laws other than thank you very much because it seems incredibly rude to do anything else. But on the other hand, they think they are giving me a brilliant present but it's really not. I feel like they are wasting their money as I won't eat the vast majority of it. And from looking at the shops website, they could easily have bought veggie cheese. So not saying anything seems stupid.

So, YANBU - Of course you shouldn't say anything other than thank you very much. It's the thought that counts.
YABU -Of course you should tell your lovely in laws that if they buy you cheese it needs to be veggie cheese so they'll just keep wasting their money.

And yes, I totally appreciate this is a first world problem.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 31/12/2021 19:45

Even if that’s all the cheese, what does it really matter, someone is eating it and as an adult it’s not like a gift is essential

Really? You give people gifts knowing they can't use them? If its too much trouble then simply don't bother. If its actually a gift for their partner then put their partner's name on it.

The DH has told them the problem and ask them to select vegetarian cheeses. That's a bit of a clue unless you are exceptionally dense. They are buying from specialist cheese shops which are even more likely than supermarkets to clearly label "suitable for vegetarians" and be able to advise.

Its really not difficult if you give a fig for the recipient. If you don't care then probably best not to pretend you do.

PrincessNutella · 31/12/2021 19:47

Many vegetarians eat all cheese. You need to be clear you mean vegan cheese if that's what you want.

PriamFarrl · 31/12/2021 19:48

@Joystir59

Most cheese is made using cow rennet
No it isn’t.

Some cheese is but most cheese isn’t.

PriamFarrl · 31/12/2021 19:49

@PrincessNutella

Many vegetarians eat all cheese. You need to be clear you mean vegan cheese if that's what you want.
Oh sweet baby Jesus and all the little angels.

I might fucking scream.

Please tell me this is a wind up.

AmyDudley · 31/12/2021 20:03

*Oh sweet baby Jesus and all the little angels.

I might fucking scream.

Please tell me this is a wind up.*

@PriamFarrl This thread has made me invest in a brick wall to bang my head against. It is absolutely unfuckingbelievable Grin

pollymere · 31/12/2021 20:04

At least they try. My IL don't get me gifts at all.

RampantIvy · 31/12/2021 20:14

@PrincessNutella

Many vegetarians eat all cheese. You need to be clear you mean vegan cheese if that's what you want.
Face palm Hmm
ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 31/12/2021 20:21

@PrincessNutella

Many vegetarians eat all cheese. You need to be clear you mean vegan cheese if that's what you want.
But she doesn't want vegan cheese. Even the vegans I know don't want vegan cheese.

OP wants vegetarian cheese. Its really not hard.

And the PP saying it doesn't matter because her DH eats it... of course it matters. Why buy someone a present they don't want/can't use. Like the bottle of alcohol my dad buys me every year. He even said this year "another to add to the collection". Why fucking buy it then. (I think I have about 3.5 bottles of Malibu and a bottle of Amaretto with maybe 2 shots missing. Plus prosecco that he's bought me over the last few years. I rarely drink.)

Shedmistress · 31/12/2021 20:30

@PrincessNutella

Many vegetarians eat all cheese. You need to be clear you mean vegan cheese if that's what you want.
Jesus wept.
KittenKong · 31/12/2021 20:34

Vegan ‘cheese’ is nasty stuff. I’m fed up with the vegans stealing my cheese…

My sister sent me a veggie cheese hamper and I’m as happy as a pig in poo.

Twillow · 31/12/2021 20:39

UNBELIEVABLE how many people are not only un utterly ignorant of the difference between vegan and vegetarian, but feel they know enough to comment completely incorrectly.

C8H10N4O2 · 31/12/2021 20:44

@PrincessNutella

Many vegetarians eat all cheese. You need to be clear you mean vegan cheese if that's what you want.
Learn to read.
Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2021 20:48

@Twillow

UNBELIEVABLE how many people are not only un utterly ignorant of the difference between vegan and vegetarian, but feel they know enough to comment completely incorrectly.
I didn't comment but have to admit I was ignorant about vegetarians eating retin-free cheese so lesson learned. I will take that on board.
CustardySergeant · 31/12/2021 20:50

Butchyrestingface please don't look for retin-free cheese, it's rennet. Smile

Butchyrestingface · 31/12/2021 20:52

@CustardySergeant

Butchyrestingface please don't look for retin-free cheese, it's rennet. Smile
That will explain why autocorrect flagged up the spelling.

Thank you. Grin

PriamFarrl · 31/12/2021 20:59

I didn't comment but have to admit I was ignorant about vegetarians eating rennet free cheese so lesson learned. I will take that on board.

But it wasn’t really that. I can forgive people that.
It’s the people saying that the op must be vegan or that vegetarians can eat fish.

londonrach · 31/12/2021 20:59

Learn everything ever day....I honestly thought cheese would be veggi...I agree not vegan. Yabu as I suspect your in-laws think the same. Your DH enjoyed the cheese and your in-laws thinking they giving you something that's veggie. I'd let it go or get DH to carefully mention it.

educatingrati · 31/12/2021 21:06

I thought most cheese was now made from a plant based rennet?

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 31/12/2021 21:11

@PrincessNutella

Many vegetarians eat all cheese. You need to be clear you mean vegan cheese if that's what you want.
Ffs 17 pages in and there’s still some people that can’t read or engage their brain at all.
Shedmistress · 31/12/2021 21:37

I didn't comment but have to admit I was ignorant about vegetarians eating retin-free cheese so lesson learned. I will take that on board.

It isn't rennet free. It is made with vegetarian rennet. That is rennet that is vegetarian. Vegetarian as in not made from the contents of calf stomach. Calves which are baby cows. Cows which are animals and are not eaten by vegetarians.

August1980 · 31/12/2021 21:41

Hi OP, what is a vegetarian cheese? I only ask as I am a vegetarian too (born to parents who are vegetarian) grandparents etc.also vegetarian. We eat normal cheese.

MadMadaMim · 31/12/2021 21:43

YABU to assume non veggies know what rennet is, how it's produced and how it's used.

I was completely oblivious until my DD became vegetarian and commented how she'd miss her fave cheeses..

If you have reservations about I forming PIL, maybe approach from the angle of - 'you k ow the lovely cheeses the (name of shop) send me - there were still cheeses with rennet in them which means they're not vegetarian.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 31/12/2021 21:45

@August1980

Hi OP, what is a vegetarian cheese? I only ask as I am a vegetarian too (born to parents who are vegetarian) grandparents etc.also vegetarian. We eat normal cheese.
Google it
PriamFarrl · 31/12/2021 21:51

@August1980

Hi OP, what is a vegetarian cheese? I only ask as I am a vegetarian too (born to parents who are vegetarian) grandparents etc.also vegetarian. We eat normal cheese.
Read the thread. It might have been mentioned.

Basically though a lot of regular cheese is vegi, cheddar etc. the standard supermarket stuff.
However some cheese, like Parmesan is only ever made with animal rennet.

If it’s anything that isn’t regular supermarket packet cheese, ie something that you buy from a farm shop, then it’s best to check.

Shedmistress · 31/12/2021 23:04

@August1980

Hi OP, what is a vegetarian cheese? I only ask as I am a vegetarian too (born to parents who are vegetarian) grandparents etc.also vegetarian. We eat normal cheese.
Gosh it never occurred to anyone on this thread to actually explain it. Hundreds of times. Or anything.