SIL insulted by baby

[Elfnsafety2021]

Back story. We both have little ones of similar age, hers slightly older and a few health problems when born (prem, needed extra care). She wasn't with bil long before pregnancy, then there was covid so only met her a handful of times.

Anyway we're sat in MILs living room and she was talking to my so and Said he looks like a cabbage patch kid! (My son is bigger and not fat, but a good size, whereas with being prem her son is a little smaller).

I was offended but laughed it off. The more I think about it, the more upset I am. Especially after talking to MIL who basically took SILs side and said well.everyone was rushing out to buy them when they came out.

I know she was probably just keeping the peace but just feels like although I'm upset I can't say anything and would be the trouble causer for saying anything.

YABU - get over it
YANBY - it was a mean comment (but accept thst I probably can't say anything g about it)

It’s not unreasonable to feel offended but I wouldn’t mention it this time.

Next time you see her if there’s any comment like that I would say “sorry could you repeat what you just said, I’m not sure I heard”. See what happens. Meet the comment with ice.

It's pretty odd thing to joke about. I'd leave it but if she makes a similar comment again......

Thanks. I know from a couple of comments from MIL she has absolutely no filter and there is no point saying anything xx

Good advice.

Having had a prem baby myself, I used to get people commenting all the time about how small he was. She is probably feeling sensitive about her baby being little and all the stress that goes along with it. I doubt she meant it to offend you. Other babies looked like cabbage patch kids next to my dc and it really used to make me feel guilty that I couldn't cook mine longer. Don't take it personally x

YABU my daughter was a massive chunky baby (11lbs at birth) and we used to laugh about it in a kind way when she was small. Once she started crawling she thinned right out and family members often said "ooh I miss those chubby baby rolls etc" it wasn't offensive at all. We still look back and show her photos of when she was a baby and say we miss that chubby baby and she agrees and says she looked cute etc. You're being precious.

Perhaps she meant it in a cute kind of way, like cabbage patch dolls are cute in a way
I wouldn't waste headspace on it. Your baby is beautiful and that's what matters x

@cauliflowersqueeze

It’s not unreasonable to feel offended but I wouldn’t mention it this time.

Next time you see her if there’s any comment like that I would say “sorry could you repeat what you just said, I’m not sure I heard”. See what happens. Meet the comment with ice.

^ that is very good advice.

She sounds like a dick.

Most babies do look like cabbage patch dolls though to be fair, it's a pretty inoffensive comment. Our antenatal group used to affectionately call our babies potatoes when they were at the sitting but not crawling stage, because they sat there like a sack of spuds.

I doubt very much she said it to be unkind. It's much more likely it was an innocent comment and you're over thinking it.

I love cabbage patch kids but I can see why you would be offended. I am guessing it comes from a place of insecurity about her baby being born prem and underweight.

Honestly don’t see why that was rude. She compared your baby to a cute doll? She implied your baby is chubby? Babies are supposed to be chubby.

I wouldn't be offended by that. They're cute. Does he look like one? Was it his facial expression at the time maybe? Dbro said ds looked like Winston Churchill and I laughed. Unless she recoiled in horror or said he was ugly this wouldn't bother me at all and I doubt she meant any offence.

Gosh I think you just said (insert) but that can’t possibly be the case as I know you wouldn’t be hurtful to your nephew! PAUSE. So what was it you said again?

I can’t imagine anyone would ever actually say anything as clumsy as this in real life.

A simple “that sounds rude” will suffice.

Cabbage patch kids are adorable! I don’t see the insult?
One of my dc had adorable little dimples and chubby little legs!
Next time just say, ‘thank you, he’s gorgeous isn’t he!’

I just can't see how you can raise this without sounding ridiculous.

Would you text her to say that it really upset you, that she said he looked like a doll? She'll apologise and then tell everyone she knows, who will think you sound ridiculous imo.

I understand why her comment upset you and it was insensitive but I agree with idontlikeworms that it probably comes from being worried about her baby and feeling sensitive about his relatively small size - rather than her thinking anything negative about your baby. One of my twins was tiny and feeding badly and I used to look at other well fed ‘big babies’ in envy. It’s really stressful having an unwell baby, I would give her the benefit of the doubt unless she is often unkind.

I thought cabbage patch dolls were meant to be ugly not cute

They are cute but it depends on the tone.

Of course I was an insult. Cabbage.patch dolls were/are the ugliest thing ever. I couldn't understand why anyone would want one. They were out and popular the same time as 'baby dolls' when I was a kid. Baby dolls had soft body's and plastic arms and legs legs were realistic sizes. So you could play real pretend games with them. I loved mine....they wore real baby clothes. But cabbage patch dolls were horrible looking with wirey wool hair. And they were called cabbage - which was the second worst veg ever after brussle sprouts!!

However.....don't stress. Just use one of the retorts suggested if it happens again.

It's not something i'd be upset about, no.

Nobody else opened thread to see how baby could have insulted SIL?

I see now 'by' is a typo for 'my', btw. As for the problem, I'd let it go this time.

I'm not sure how to take what your SIL said as it's hard to tell without being there for the tone so I don't think you can raise it unless further comments that make you uncomfortable come up. It sounds as if your MIL is trying to stay positive and err on the side that there wasn't an insult implied in the comment and by saying everyone was rushing out to buy them she is hoping to reassure you that baby is cute.

This is absolutely not offensive. YABU and hugely over-sensitive.

You have a child, who is bigger than hers, despite hers being older. Maybe your sil wishes her ds had had the start in life your ds had? She’s probably had a lot of worries in her life. Your sil will know premie babies potentially have a lot of future challenges, which full term babies are less likely to face. Perhaps you could have a google on this rather than get upset that your child (I presume) is currently developmentally where they should be. You did the right thing, laughed and moved on.