SIL insulted by baby

[Elfnsafety2021]

Back story. We both have little ones of similar age, hers slightly older and a few health problems when born (prem, needed extra care). She wasn't with bil long before pregnancy, then there was covid so only met her a handful of times.

Anyway we're sat in MILs living room and she was talking to my so and Said he looks like a cabbage patch kid! (My son is bigger and not fat, but a good size, whereas with being prem her son is a little smaller).

I was offended but laughed it off. The more I think about it, the more upset I am. Especially after talking to MIL who basically took SILs side and said well.everyone was rushing out to buy them when they came out.

I know she was probably just keeping the peace but just feels like although I'm upset I can't say anything and would be the trouble causer for saying anything.

YABU - get over it
YANBY - it was a mean comment (but accept thst I probably can't say anything g about it)

I can understand why you feel upset about that comment. Having babies close together often leads to comparisons or comments which is never helpful.

DD2 was born 5 months before SIL’s DD1. Whenever we tell MIL about something new that she’s done, it’s met with, “Oh lovely! SIL’s DD is now doing X.” We told MIL that DD2 was walking now and she told us immediately about other baby now rolling over. I’m sure she doesn’t mean it to come across as dismissive but it does and it really annoys me!

When your SIL makes comments like that, just reaffirm how beautiful your baby is and how lucky you are. Make sure you always say kind things about her baby too even though your DC is the more beautiful, obviously (completely unbiased opinion of course!).

Thanks for both sides. I am not precious and it was definitely the way it was said.

I am not planning on saying anything but no, I do not think cabbage patch kids are cute at all lol. We do call him pudding ourselves so can see where different terms of endearment come from but would never call anyone else's baby pudding as might offend them.

Her baby is thriving. He slightly smaller than other babies his age but he just looks perfect for his size. he is doing amazingly well so she has no reason to feel insecure as suggested. She is a great mum, just no filter I guess.

Honestly I'd take that to mean she thinks he's really cute

I'm not sure this was intended to be offensive.
I had two micro preemies and newborns looked enormous compared to them, so did dolls for that matter. She's probably worried about her baby (NICU is hell) and I can say from experience everyone will be commenting on the small size of her baby.

Meh I couldn’t get worked up about this.

My sister used to point of DD’s “toupee”, where she had a shock of brown hair on top and the sides had worn away.

Then when she had my niece I would wax lyrical about her lovely arm and leg rolls.

Now they’re past the baby stage we look back on those features that they’ve long since grown out of all misty eyed.

Mummyoflittledragon I know all about premmies and have watched and supported whilst they went through thank you very much. He is doing amazingly well and is a little superstar.

This is not about that and is not an excuse for her making a comment.

I am not planning on saying anything but no, I do not think cabbage patch kids are cute at all lol. We do call him pudding ourselves so can see where different terms of endearment come from but would never call anyone else's baby pudding as might offend them.

I think the problem is you don't find the dolls cute so automatically presume that means she doesn't think your child is cute. Whereas lots of people do think they are cute.

She is your child's aunt, it's totally normal to give relations terms of endearment, she loves him and obviously wouldn't want to insult him.

I don't think I could get worked up about this.

@Elfnsafety2021

Thanks. I know from a couple of comments from MIL she has absolutely no filter and there is no point saying anything xx

Good advice.

I don’t think your MIL was agreeing with her by the way, I think she was trying to diffuse the situation by suggesting that people thought cabbage patch dolls were really cute. She was trying NOT to take sides. Bless her she was very stuck in the middle there. If she’d said ‘NO HE DOESN’T!!’ SIL would have been annoyed, and if she said nothing you would have been annoyed.

I would be more inclined to think of her comment being a foot in mouth comment rather than intentionally hurtful but you obviously were there and have a better context. Next time, if there is a next time you could try sharing your discomfort if she says something like that again.

Having had a tiny prem baby myself, your baby probably looks massive to her. She may well feel guilty about the premature birth, too. It was an insensitive comment but unless she's doing this repeatedly I'd ignore.

@Idontlikeworms

Having had a prem baby myself, I used to get people commenting all the time about how small he was. She is probably feeling sensitive about her baby being little and all the stress that goes along with it. I doubt she meant it to offend you. Other babies looked like cabbage patch kids next to my dc and it really used to make me feel guilty that I couldn't cook mine longer. Don't take it personally x

Next time you meet perhaps get in first and say aren’t they all absolutely scrumptious and how glad you are they there’s no competition between you because you keep reading about competitive parents and it’s so pointless.

If she repeats her remark I’d say very lightly that you don’t really like her saying that.

I think this is one where you can choose not to be insulted.
Not having access inside another's head I can only guess what's going on. One possibility she is trying to be hurtful and says this as it's a contrast with her own baby. In this case she may be habitually mean (and who'd want to live in that head?) or feeling temporarily tender herself that her own baby is small and lashing out. If it's the second reason I might feel some pity.
Second possibility she genuinely adores cabbage patch dolls and thinks it's a cute association.

Assume the best. I'm sure your baby is adorable!

@toomuchlaundry

I thought cabbage patch dolls were meant to be ugly not cute

They were ugly. That didn’t stop a dd being desperate for one for Christmas at the time, though. I do understand the OP being offended. Best to let it wash over you, though, OP. Your SiL very likely wishes her baby was more robust looking, like yours.

Gosh, I think she was just saying he was cute with his chub. I'd imagine she was referring to the body not face and hair. A chubby baby is cute.

Of course it is offensive. Those dolls were ugly things.

From the title I thought it was the baby that had offended your SIL

I have a photo of my son as a baby laying next to a cabbage patch doll that looked like his twin. He was fat, smiley and beautiful.
It depends on her tone when she said it, is she a pleasant person generally, if she is let it go.

I love cabbage patch kids. So this wouldn't have been an insult!

Cabbage patch dolls are adorable! If I said that it would be a compliment, and if the person I said it to was stewing over it days later I would think they were insane. Especially if they called the same baby "pudding".

However I remember once taking massive offence because another mum at baby group said she could never remember my DS's name. Looking back, it was definitely the hormones.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest tbh. I'd assume it just meant a chubby squashy baby, which was very much what DD was! I wouldn't take it as offensive, unless you have other reasons to believe she would try to be offensive about a baby 🤷‍♀️

I thought cabbage patch dolls were very cute, maybe she thinks so too.

I think you are being over sensitive. If her baby is smaller than average then your baby probably looks huge in comparison. What's offensive about Cabbage Patch Kids anyway? I had 3 as a child.

Anyone else wonder how a baby could insult an adult?