Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL insulted by baby

151 replies

Elfnsafety2021 · 30/12/2021 09:23

Back story. We both have little ones of similar age, hers slightly older and a few health problems when born (prem, needed extra care). She wasn't with bil long before pregnancy, then there was covid so only met her a handful of times.

Anyway we're sat in MILs living room and she was talking to my so and Said he looks like a cabbage patch kid! (My son is bigger and not fat, but a good size, whereas with being prem her son is a little smaller).

I was offended but laughed it off. The more I think about it, the more upset I am. Especially after talking to MIL who basically took SILs side and said well.everyone was rushing out to buy them when they came out.

I know she was probably just keeping the peace but just feels like although I'm upset I can't say anything and would be the trouble causer for saying anything.

YABU - get over it
YANBY - it was a mean comment (but accept thst I probably can't say anything g about it)

OP posts:
OldaRailer · 30/12/2021 11:05

You can see how half the population fall out with the other half.

SallyWD · 30/12/2021 11:09

I wouldn't be offended at all - those dolls are cute. I'm sure she didn't mean it in a mean way. My son looked strange as a baby and so many people told me he looked like a grumpy old man (and worse). I just agreed with them!

Dixiechickonhols · 30/12/2021 11:14

As a one off I wouldn’t see it as offensive. They were very desirable. Your Mil sounds like she was trying to be kind.
I’d just be alert for future comments and try and avoid direct comparisons. Every baby is different.

doorornottodoor · 30/12/2021 11:17

I remember once complimenting a lady on her baby’s lovely chubby legs and she was horrified. My baby had really skinny legs. I was mortified! I truly meant it as a compliment. I never commented on any baby’s looks/size again !

Comedycook · 30/12/2021 11:19

@doorornottodoor

I remember once complimenting a lady on her baby’s lovely chubby legs and she was horrified. My baby had really skinny legs. I was mortified! I truly meant it as a compliment. I never commented on any baby’s looks/size again !
I think saying a baby is chubby is definitely a compliment...I assumed everyone thought like this.
Thebedistoohot · 30/12/2021 11:22

I’d be so hurt. What an obviously horrible thing to liken your baby to. I am sorry.

doorornottodoor · 30/12/2021 11:33

@Comedycook I thought so too. She was quite a large lady herself so was maybe a bit sensitive. Eeek! I felt really bad.

Heepers · 30/12/2021 11:37

YABU, its not a big deal and she's probably knackered and a bit sad her baby is smaller. Honestly someone said my little boy "wasn't a beauty" when he was 8 weeks old and you've just got to laugh it off. They're so tiny and you love him so it doesn't really matter!!

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2021 11:41

When my middle DS was born, the midwife said he looked like Rod Stewart.

It was hard to hear, but undeniably true 😂😂

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 30/12/2021 11:50

My PFB was a little early and very skinny and scrunched up with big ears. Someone referred to her as a little goblin. It was 100% accurate and I laughed but it rankled. PFB is in her 30s and a big shot lawyer now and I'm very proud of everything she has achieved but the goblin comment still pisses me off.

StrawberrySquash · 30/12/2021 11:55

Baby chub is cute. From the other side I know a guy with a baby who didn't have the chub and wasn't putting on weight and it was all a bit stressful. He found it hard not having a chubby baby who was perceived as healthy. Also tied into anxieties around his child of course.

doorornottodoor · 30/12/2021 11:56

@Everydaydayisaschoolday that made me laugh! Grin

MinnieJackson · 30/12/2021 12:18

Someone once pointed out how big my 9 month old sons ears were. That was fucking rude. I just walked off with him as I was about to burst into tears or rip him a new one and it was one of dhs colleagues. He's 7 now and we got his hair cut before Christmas and he said 'omg, I look like an elf! Grin' he thought it was great. I don't think anyone's mentioned it but he's really sensitive and I know he'd be devastated if they did.

fitsandgiggles · 30/12/2021 12:21

Ahh my boy reminds me of a cabbage patch baby and I love it. Nothing better than those chunky legs and chubby cheeks. Just brush it off and try not let it bother you

Confrontayshunme · 30/12/2021 12:32

My SIL had an adorable, rolly baby, and in my family, calling a baby chubby or a Cabbage Patch doll (who have cute little arm and knee dimples like a baby) was a term of endearment, but when she got really offended and upset, I realised that many families think saying a baby is chubby is not endearing or cute. My DHs family were all a bit shocked and I just did not understand how saying a baby was chubby could be negative. I suspect this is what happened here. My SIL thankfully didn't stew or hold a grudge and we had a chat, and I haven't commented again on her childrens bodies (though I have secretly poked their cute little thighs and elbow dimples).

TheNewSchmoo · 30/12/2021 12:35

@Flickflak

If she does it again say:

Gosh I think you just said (insert) but that can’t possibly be the case as I know you wouldn’t be hurtful to your nephew! PAUSE. So what was it you said again?

I don't believe anyone, including you, would do this?
Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 30/12/2021 12:38

Why is it offensive that she called your baby fat? My son is huge, I love when people comment on it, he's amazing and his beefy thighs and chubby cheeks are nothing to ashamed of.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2021 12:41

Its all in the tone and context.
Ugh, he looks like a Cabbage patch kid (sneery voice)
Aww, he looks like a Cabbage patch kid (smiley voice)

And when your MIL said him everyone was rushing out to buy them she was basically saying yeah baby is gorgeous isn't he

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 30/12/2021 12:42

Weirdly I make an effort to never comment on babies being small, which his hard when mine is so huge in comparison to every baby his age. Because I worry that they're worried about their baby not gaining weight or something or being too small.

Sometimeswinning · 30/12/2021 13:02

Nobody else opened thread to see how baby could have insulted SIL? grin

Yep! I'll be honest, was a bit disappointed Grin

phoenixrosehere · 30/12/2021 13:12

I can’t say whether yabu or not because to me this falls under the category that you have to be there to detect tone and know the person.

You think cabbage patch dolls are ugly, I do not (have a picture of me receiving one as a 4 yo for Christmas with a big smile on my face), others do not, and you haven’t said what SIL’s thoughts are on the dolls either (unless I’ve missed it so apologies) so there is little info to go on in what way she meant it.

Instead of laughing it off, you could have asked her to clarify instead of assume it was to be insulting.

Looubylou · 30/12/2021 13:54

I am from cabbage patch era - it was a popular insult at the time, though not towards babies. As your SIL is from a different generation, it's difficult to judge her comment now. She might think they / he are/is adorable?

CounsellorTroi · 30/12/2021 13:57

@Sometimeswinning

Nobody else opened thread to see how baby could have insulted SIL? grin

Yep! I'll be honest, was a bit disappointed Grin

Me too.
Looubylou · 30/12/2021 14:02

Updated post - I didn't realise you could still buy them. They are much cuter now. After a Google, I'd now assume no insult intended.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2021 15:33

She's basically implying your baby is chubby. Chubby on a baby isn't an insult.