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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL insulted by baby

151 replies

Elfnsafety2021 · 30/12/2021 09:23

Back story. We both have little ones of similar age, hers slightly older and a few health problems when born (prem, needed extra care). She wasn't with bil long before pregnancy, then there was covid so only met her a handful of times.

Anyway we're sat in MILs living room and she was talking to my so and Said he looks like a cabbage patch kid! (My son is bigger and not fat, but a good size, whereas with being prem her son is a little smaller).

I was offended but laughed it off. The more I think about it, the more upset I am. Especially after talking to MIL who basically took SILs side and said well.everyone was rushing out to buy them when they came out.

I know she was probably just keeping the peace but just feels like although I'm upset I can't say anything and would be the trouble causer for saying anything.

YABU - get over it
YANBY - it was a mean comment (but accept thst I probably can't say anything g about it)

OP posts:
TerribleCustomerCervix · 30/12/2021 10:14

I think this is one where you can choose not to be insulted.

This is it really.

Your SIL made a comment which you didn’t find funny. You can choose to take offence or not, but if you’re honest with yourself, is it likely SIL was trying to hurt or upset you?

She probably wasn’t. She maybe expected you to laugh and say something about how you’ll miss his chunkiness when he starts crawling etc.

Most people aren’t arseholes who mock babies’ appearances to upset their parents.

JohnSmithDrive · 30/12/2021 10:16

I think it's one of those things that entirely depends on how you feel about the person who said it.

If it was a dear friend or relative, you'd laugh at the cuteness of the remark or at the very least think it was an awkward attempt to say something nice that came out all wrong.

If you're looking for something to be offended about, already feeling a bit competitive with them otoh...

PicaK · 30/12/2021 10:17

Cabbage patch dolls are cute.
You'd have to be a real bitch to deliberately say something horrible/insulting about a baby.
She probably saw a baby brimming with health, smiling, looking cute and commented on that. Especially if her own babies that she desperately worried about were underweight.

Are you projecting? You're very aware of what size her babies are and what size yours are. Or is she slimmer than you and making you feel overweight? Do you feel worried your baby?

I wouldn't beat yourself up - but I would look at why you've reacted so negatively. Your mum doesn't sound a massive support. It wasn't liked she rushed to reassure you your baby is gorgeous.

Don't make your Sil the enemy just yet.
And if you're not feeling OK do let your HV know.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2021 10:17

If you know all about premies, you will know that there are potential future challenges your sil’s baby may face, as I said in my post. People don’t normally say things to upset you unless they are spiteful. Nothing you have said would lead us to believe your sil is spiteful. Personally I find cabbage patch dolls ugly, maybe your sil coveted them. If your response to me is anything to go by, I’d rather think this is an issue with the way you see the world, rather than what your sil said.

Barney60 · 30/12/2021 10:17

I said my granddaughter looked like a cabbage patch doll, their cute, maybe its a compliment?
I think your just being very sensitive.

Newgirls · 30/12/2021 10:17

She was being rude.

Possibly due to her own baggage on having a premature baby. Well, you know her better than you did before. Stay polite but prob don’t go out for coffee alone together she sounds annoying.

HikingforScenery · 30/12/2021 10:18

Most babies I’ve seen look like cabbage patch dolls, if they’re bald. I’d never say that out loud though.

Franklyfrost · 30/12/2021 10:18

That’s not an insult. Are you sensitive about your babies weight?

toomuchlaundry · 30/12/2021 10:19

Have cabbage patch dolls changed since they were first launched, I’m sure the marketing was more that they were ugly and needed someone to look after them, rather than cute.

doorornottodoor · 30/12/2021 10:19

I would just forget it, it comes from her own insecurities about her baby. They must have had a difficult time.

One of my friends said “I forgot how ugly new borns are” when she met my baby for the first time. She has no filter and is an amazingly kind and lovely person so I just found it funny.

So basically it’s up to you whether you make a big deal of it (cause a family issue and resentment) or just brush it off.

phishy · 30/12/2021 10:19

YANBU, and I think it’s good that you have caught this behaviour early on from SIL as it could continue into their childhoods and it’s not fair on you or your child to be expected to turn the other cheek all the time.

@cauliflowersqueeze has it right:

Next time you see her if there’s any comment like that I would say “sorry could you repeat what you just said, I’m not sure I heard”. See what happens. Meet the comment with ice.

ForagingForMullberries · 30/12/2021 10:20

How was your SIL insulted by your baby?

Juniper68 · 30/12/2021 10:21

@toomuchlaundry

I thought cabbage patch dolls were meant to be ugly not cute
They are ugly. Can't understand anyone thinking they're cute?

YANBU op

CactusLemonSpice · 30/12/2021 10:22

Surely she was saying he is cute? Also having a big baby is generally considered a good thing in my experience.

toomuchlaundry · 30/12/2021 10:22

@ForagingForMullberries it’s a typo, should be my not by

TedMullins · 30/12/2021 10:23

YABU and precious. I told my friend his new daughter looks like a cabbage patch doll because she does! She’s got dimples and a big round face. He laughed and agreed! It’s not like she said he looks like Wayne Rooney

Sally872 · 30/12/2021 10:24

Cabbage patch doll would mean cute to me.

Also your mil sounds diplomatic trying to help you give benefit of doubt rather than wond you up also the correct thing to do.

HoseMeDownWithHollyWater · 30/12/2021 10:24

You're being precious. Sorry.

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 30/12/2021 10:28

Cabbage patch dolls are ugly, but then so are most babies other than our own of course. We used to joke that my daughter looked like crusty the clown because she had a mass of hair around the back and sides and none on top.

It’s a cutting thing to say but I’m not sure I’d follow it up. I would imagine when you have a tiny baby, most other babies look chunky and round.

Folklore9074 · 30/12/2021 10:28

I thought the baby insulted SIL! Grin

I dunno, in and of itself its not really an offensive comment.

I know that we can all be sensitive about our babies though. My MIL always comments on how big my baby is and it gets under my skin (probably because I was a chunky kid and was teased about it) even though objectively there is no malice in it, it's just something she says and might even mean it in a kind way.

Xenia · 30/12/2021 10:28

You need to correct the title to" insulted my baby". "Insulted by baby" made me think this was some kind of wonder kid with super powers of speech.

As your baby doesn't know just let it go for family harmony's sake. We all remember my oldest child - teenage then when the twins came writing on the back of one of their photos - "ugly baby" and on the other "ugly gay baby". People often say things they do not mean.

I used to call one of the twins the "traditional baby" - he was very cute and normal sized and his skinny non identical twin the rug rats baby as he looked like the cartoon rug rats one.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 30/12/2021 10:28

Storm on a teacup.

Foxglovesandlilacs86 · 30/12/2021 10:31

She probably meant he’s cute. I think cabbage patch dolls are cute!

mandacp · 30/12/2021 10:32

'Are you projecting? You're very aware of what size her babies are and what size yours are. Or is she slimmer than you and making you feel overweight? Do you feel worried your baby?'

No I'm much slimmer than her, not that we were going there until then haha.

Apologies for my terrible typing in title etc.

Maybe a bit of hormones involved. Definitely no competition, I'm not like that. Definitely some overthinking on my behalf.

Ponoka7 · 30/12/2021 10:32

When a relatives toddler was called moon face by several people, she was really offended. Her Son, from in his teens got the NN fathead, my DD took after him and they both embrace it. The use it as a tag on SM pictures. She's got too much to say, but it won't matter in the long run. So just ignore.