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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL insulted by baby

151 replies

Elfnsafety2021 · 30/12/2021 09:23

Back story. We both have little ones of similar age, hers slightly older and a few health problems when born (prem, needed extra care). She wasn't with bil long before pregnancy, then there was covid so only met her a handful of times.

Anyway we're sat in MILs living room and she was talking to my so and Said he looks like a cabbage patch kid! (My son is bigger and not fat, but a good size, whereas with being prem her son is a little smaller).

I was offended but laughed it off. The more I think about it, the more upset I am. Especially after talking to MIL who basically took SILs side and said well.everyone was rushing out to buy them when they came out.

I know she was probably just keeping the peace but just feels like although I'm upset I can't say anything and would be the trouble causer for saying anything.

YABU - get over it
YANBY - it was a mean comment (but accept thst I probably can't say anything g about it)

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 30/12/2021 10:33

I’m sure most people wouldn’t be impressed if someone called their baby ugly.

Changelingbutonlyforme · 30/12/2021 10:35

Wait a couple of years and then go back at look at photos of your newborn (like under a week old). You’ll probably think they look like a potato. I did with mine. The cutest potato ever, but definitely a little bit potato like. Human babies’ faces very often look a bit squashed at birth.
Cabbage patch comment? Deep breath. Leave it alone, she’s probably not trying to offend you and if she is it’s probably due to insecurity about her child being born early. If she does it again, make it a joke - ´nooo! Don’t say that, I always thought canbage patch dolls were creepy when I was little.’ Then turn the discussion to odd childhood toys. Or to weird stories about where babies come from (stork, cabbage patch, where do smurfs come from?).

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 30/12/2021 10:35

YABU IMO and insensitive. You are lucky enough to have a full term healthy weight baby whilst she has all the worries and guilt associated with a premature birth.

She might have been commenting lightheartedly or she might have intended to give offence. It's hard to say since none of us, not even you know her. But whatever the motivation it's likely that it was motivated by fear for her child and envy of your healthy baby so I think you should let it go for now.

If she says anything similar again, pull her up on it calmly and immediately.

Mouseonmychair · 30/12/2021 10:37

I would hardly get offended by that. Although I was hoping that a baby had learnt to insult his auntie with some profanity as his first words from the thread title.

KCee30 · 30/12/2021 10:39

I think cabbage patch babies are pretty cute so take it as a compliment op

I can understand you are upset but let it slide.

Dd was a chunky baby. There was quite a few people I know who had babies at the same time as me and they were quite a lot smaller. I had a friend who had a baby at a similar time and her baby was very small - mainly because she had serious reflux issues and bringing food back up and not gaining any weight. She used to be like 'look at my petite dainty baby, yours is a lot bigger' comparing her Dd to mine. Now they are the same age and her Dd is a lot taller and bigger so it really doesn't matter tbh.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2021 10:40

We do call him pudding ourselves so can see where different terms of endearment come from but would never call anyone else's baby pudding as might offend them.

If you tiptoe around other people to that extent, I can see why you might expect others to do the same around you.

But honestly, they're just both terms of endearment, the only different being you don't like one of them so YABU.

Christinatherabbit · 30/12/2021 10:41

Seriously 🤣 you are being incredibly over sensitive!
I also don't understand how people are saying cabbage patch dolls are ugly. I think they are really cute.
Its a very weird thing to be offended over honestly

VaccineSticker · 30/12/2021 10:42

You are being a bit over sensitive which is understandable. I personally think Cabbage patch kids look very cute. Let it go x

ShampooDoodle · 30/12/2021 10:43

Why’d you laugh if you didn’t like what she said? Speak up for yourself and your child

MichelleScarn · 30/12/2021 10:43

So op has to be accepting and 'kind' and be aware sil could possibly be sensitive about her baby's size and just brush things off herself but is being told her being sensitive is unreasonable?

Butchyrestingface · 30/12/2021 10:46

Nobody else opened thread to see how baby could have insulted SIL? grin

Yup. Slightly disappointed by the reality. Sad

I love fat, pudgie little babies, with sumo wrestler legs.

FictionalCharacter · 30/12/2021 10:47

Yes, that was a horrible thing to say. Cabbage patch dolls were famous for being ugly. Have all the PPs saying "she's just comparing him to a cute doll" forgotten that they weren't at all cute, and weren't meant to be?

Namenic · 30/12/2021 10:49

Yabu - my family have called my kids weird -looking or ugly in an affectionate way - when they were newborn. I do think they looked a bit odd just after they were born and it was lovely and interesting seeing them change and grow. My family often look after my kids and love them.

BerthaBlythe · 30/12/2021 10:49

When you’re worrying about your baby being underweight, a comment like that is probably more of a compliment.

I get it OP - I was so sensitive to any perceived criticism of ds. I actually felt it as a physical pain. But I think, in life, it’s worth cultivating a resistance to being easily offended. Make people work hard to insult you.

If she has no filter, and blurts the first thing that comes into her head, then there’s no malice in it. She’s probably stressed and sleep deprived, and processing the trauma of having a premie (without the psych support that should be available to new mums because we have shit regard for motherhood and for women in our society). Give her time and she’ll probably seem a completely different person in a few years.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 30/12/2021 10:51

Cabbage patch kids were much coveted toys when I was little. Chubby and cute.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/12/2021 10:51

@Flickflak

If she does it again say:

Gosh I think you just said (insert) but that can’t possibly be the case as I know you wouldn’t be hurtful to your nephew! PAUSE. So what was it you said again?

The only response would be "yeah that's what I said Hmm"

My friend group always used to say newborns either looked like potatoes or old men. Even the mothers would say "mines a potato!" It's not meant as an insult.

BlueShirtGuy · 30/12/2021 10:52

@FictionalCharacter

Yes, that was a horrible thing to say. Cabbage patch dolls were famous for being ugly. Have all the PPs saying "she's just comparing him to a cute doll" forgotten that they weren't at all cute, and weren't meant to be?

You see, that's not how I remember it at all. I definitely didn't think mine was ugly, I thought he was adorably cute. His name was George-Michael.

They did have a chubby cheeks and dimples in their arms and legs. They weren't supposed to be ugly. Just not like a traditional baby doll.

Flowersandthings · 30/12/2021 10:53

It seems a bit hyper sensitive to me but I’d just tell her it offends you and she’ll probably be more careful. In our house all of our terms of endearment are a bit rude and one of my sisters can’t cope with it. We adjust to her and it’s fine...definitely less fun though!

MichelleScarn · 30/12/2021 10:57

@Elfnsafety2021

Thanks. I know from a couple of comments from MIL she has absolutely no filter and there is no point saying anything xx

Good advice.

This pisses me off though the 'oh X has no filter, they say nasty/rude/horrible things all the time, it's fine, just how they are' How would she take if you suddenly developed 'no filter' in how you spoke to MIL/SIL?
CityCommuter · 30/12/2021 10:57

@Elfnsafety2021 get over yourself ffs! She didn't mean to be offensive and you full well know that... it's a cute phrase that lots of families use especially when babies are going through that squishy chubby phase usually before they start crawling...

You sound like one of those people who's too over sensitive for their own good, the sort where you have to be careful and choose your words before you speak... you need to chill out as otherwise your child will grow up exactly like that as it's learned behaviour...

whysorude · 30/12/2021 10:58

"Most people aren’t arseholes who mock babies’ appearances to upset their parents."

This. I had two preemies, both of whom struggled to put on weight. I used to look at other plump little babies and think what a bad mother I was that mine were smaller and underweight. I probably said similar to their mums as your SIL said to you. It may have sounded thoughtless but certainly wasn't said out of nastiness. Just worry, tiredness and a feeling if not being good enough which talking to other mums of preemies said they too felt.

Marvellousmadness · 30/12/2021 10:59

Its a mean thing to say
But let it go for now
Do come up with a come back the next time she decides to run her mouth again

toomuchlaundry · 30/12/2021 11:00

@FictionalCharacter that's how I remember them being marketed, the ugliest dolls around, so ugly they are cute. Only their adoptive parents would love them!

Comedycook · 30/12/2021 11:02

Just yesterday I commented that my gorgeous niece looked like a cabbage patch doll. It was absolutely a compliment. My sister loved cabbage patch dolls so to hear her DD being described as one was not a bad thing Grin

Wavypurple · 30/12/2021 11:04

Sounds as if she was calling your baby cute to me. The comments about ‘responding with ice’ are so dramatic.

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