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Original poster

DS wasted his christmas money

353 replies

katkitty · 29/12/2021 22:07

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

OP posts:
FuckeryIsAfoot · 29/12/2021 23:38

@Teenagehorrorbag

I dread this too with my DS (13). He really wanted a gaming PC and saved up £1000 to buy one, then my DH said that was a ridiculous amount to spend and he could buy a car with that when he's older. I'm torn - as DH is right but also children these days do want different stuff, which we don't really understand.

I asked DS what the new PC would do that his current devices don't, and he didn't really know. He wants better something or others. We are lost. We have encouraged him not to buy skins (£6) more than once or twice a year and he's OK with that, but it's what they all do. His friend does chores to buy VBucks and spends £5/10 a week (or maybe a month) - either way I can't get my head round that.

Yes - it's their money - but I do think it's our job as parents to explain what else it could buy and why spending on consumables is not a great use of it long term. But it is hard.......

If he is a gamer and wants to play PC games, he needs a gaming PC or he won't be able to play very well. Low frames per second and not enough memory. As a result, he may very well find himself excluded from joining in with others. In multiplayer games, which is all of them these days, you really can't have a bad computer.
CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/12/2021 23:38

I'm with you, OP. Of course we can send money on nights out and weekends away or whatever and have nothing material to show for it. But someone has to pay the wages of the bar man or the person serving in the off licence, or the taxi driver or bus driver who drives the night bus. You can see where the money goes there. Plus you will have had hours and hours of fun and probably met a few new people, perhaps even met someone who ends up being your boyfriend or girlfriend (or DH, in my case!), developed your social skills and got more streetwise in the process. You'll probably have memories of some of those specific occasions for the rest of your life.

Spend a £50 on Vbucks for a new "skin" or whatever and the buzz is literally over in seconds. You've not really added to your life experience, have you, it's not made you more rounded as a person in the same way a night out does, you've not added to the nighttime or tourist economy etc, all you've done is feed your growing desire for instant gratification, all for a few colour changes on an outfit on a page. It really is similar to gambling and there's a real danger that youngsters who have never had to equate money with hours worked will just see it as Monopoly money.

Vegetalienne · 29/12/2021 23:40

I dread this too with my DS (13). He really wanted a gaming PC and saved up £1000 to buy one, then my DH said that was a ridiculous amount to spend and he could buy a car with that when he's older. I'm torn - as DH is right but also children these days do want different stuff, which we don't really understand.

So he has saved up for the computer and then been stopped from buying it. That’s shit.

As for a car, he’s 13. He can’t even start learning til he’s 17 and will likely need to spend hundreds on lessons, provisional licence, theory test, driving test...then there’s the insurance.

Kids will rarely value the same things as their parents who are 20, 30, 40+ years older than them. It’s wrong to expect them to.

notacooldad · 29/12/2021 23:40

I can't believe the number of people who say its ok to blow 200 pounds on a virtual game
I'd moan if my kid was 13 or 14 and did this but the ops son is 17.
Hes not a child anymore.

Spectre8 · 29/12/2021 23:41

My sister has set up a junior sipp and ns&I bonds plus a junior isa account since my nephew was born and all cash goes into those. Now he is 5 some is held back for him in a money box to spend on anything.

Obviously your son is older but you could start the isa and say put a percentge of birthday money in that instead.

Thing is once he is 28 and can access it he can blow it all if he wants to. Tricky one.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2021 23:42

@Spectre8

My sister has set up a junior sipp and ns&I bonds plus a junior isa account since my nephew was born and all cash goes into those. Now he is 5 some is held back for him in a money box to spend on anything.

Obviously your son is older but you could start the isa and say put a percentge of birthday money in that instead.

Thing is once he is 28 and can access it he can blow it all if he wants to. Tricky one.

Well not really the blokes going to be legally an adult shortly, she can’t be taking his crimbo money, fine when you’re five, not so fine when you’re 17,
notacooldad · 29/12/2021 23:45

I dread this too with my DS (13). He really wanted a gaming PC and saved up £1000 to buy one, then my DH said that was a ridiculous amount to spend and he could buy a car with that when he's older. I'm torn - as DH is right
Your husband is nasty if he stopped your son buying what he wanted after he had saved hard.
That's bloody crushing and controlling and you e allowed itvhappen so you are just as rotten.

leotardrock · 29/12/2021 23:45

I was just about to say that at 17 driving lessons would have been the investment I'd have been looking for!

ldontWanna · 29/12/2021 23:45

It depends if he also expects the latest phone, branded trainers ,clothes , other luxuries ,going out etc that you then have to provide. If he has many wants then he has to learn to budget and prioritise.

If this is his only pleasure, or one of the few then he can spend it as he likes. A hobby or interest isn't worthwhile only if you think it is. I find most of the S&B board wasteful ,pointless and ridiculous but people get a lot of pleasure from the threads and buying those items. They'd probably find the things I like to spend money on ridiculous. It is what it is.

Spectre8 · 29/12/2021 23:47

@Bluntness100 well no but could talk him through all these things with him and try to get him to understand how important it is. Obviously much easier when its done much younger.

AngelinaFibres · 29/12/2021 23:48

@Shoxfordian

He didn’t waste his money if he enjoyed the dlc or the game currency whilst he had it

He’s old enough to waste it if he wants

This. If he wants to buy anything else and no longer has the money then he will realise that he can no longer afford it because he has spent it already. Don't give him extra money. Does he have weekly pocket money Op .That is the very best way to teach your son how to manage money/ to save for something he really wants. It teaches delayed gratification. My boys had pocket money. By the time they had saved over several weeks for a particular thing they had very often realised it wasn't worth the money, the moment had passed,they wanted to carry on saving for something better. Also important to remember that what he considers a good purchase as a teenage boy will not be what an older woman considers worth buying. He may feel the same about you spending on gel nails, eyebrows etc (or whatever non essentials you spend your money on).
SocialConnection · 29/12/2021 23:48

The lesson will come when he wants something he can't buy because he has no money.

Thickasmincepie · 29/12/2021 23:50

At 17 I spent my (hard earned) money on cds by bands I no longer listen to, clothes I don't wear and alcohol. I do get the frustration of spending on 'nothing' (ds + fortnite), but I pay for virtual music. I spend money on nights out than can make me feel ill the day after.

Is there really much difference?

Thickasmincepie · 29/12/2021 23:52

And I'm well impressed with the 13 yr old who managed to save 1000 quid. I'm struggling to break even each month.

Winterautumn · 30/12/2021 00:00

He’s 17 and spent his money on his hobby .. that’s okay. We all spend money differently . We all different wants/needs/hobbies. Many teenagers would spend this on a big night out at that age .

Midlifemusings · 30/12/2021 00:00

It is a waste but it is his decision to make. Just don't rescue him by buying him things / giving him money for other things. Remind hinm he had 200 and could have spent it on x y or z or saved it for z but he chose to spend it on his games.

Kanaloa · 30/12/2021 00:06

I don’t let my kids spend money on in-app type of things. It may sound mean but I keep the majority of their Christmas and birthday money until they know what they want to spend it on then I take them to buy it.

If I let them keep it it would get frittered away and wasted and then there would be complaining about ‘where did my Christmas money go?’ So I encourage them to sit down and actually look at how much money they have and what they could buy for it.

At 17 it’s a bit late for that really. Does he have a job/budget his own money or do you pay for and buy everything? If he can blow £200 on virtual gaming this quickly it sounds like he doesn’t understand the value of money.

Confusedmeanderings · 30/12/2021 00:15

Hard as it is, he needs to learn from his own mistakes. Don't say anything, just don't buy any extras for him. When he asks for something, point out that he had Xmas money that he could have used for that. When I was 14 my parents gave me an allowance to cover all my clothing, bus fares, school lunches, a bit of spending money of my own. I quickly learned that if I frittered it away then I would have to do without until the next month!

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 30/12/2021 00:18

The total con that is buying virtual things in games is really annoying and it's sad that people fall for it, but at 17 this is his decision to make.

Lennon80 · 30/12/2021 00:21

YANBU- my 11 year old would waste money on ‘virtual ‘ items if I let him - but I massively limit it. Even at 11 I doubt he’d blow 200 quid on virtual stuff even he would realise that was ridiculous.

PurpleCarpets · 30/12/2021 00:25

YABU.

The money was given to him for him to spend on something he wanted and would enjoy. Who are you (or anyone) to tell him what will give him most enjoyment for his money.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 30/12/2021 00:34

@CurlyhairedAssassin

I'm with you, OP. Of course we can send money on nights out and weekends away or whatever and have nothing material to show for it. But someone has to pay the wages of the bar man or the person serving in the off licence, or the taxi driver or bus driver who drives the night bus. You can see where the money goes there. Plus you will have had hours and hours of fun and probably met a few new people, perhaps even met someone who ends up being your boyfriend or girlfriend (or DH, in my case!), developed your social skills and got more streetwise in the process. You'll probably have memories of some of those specific occasions for the rest of your life.

Spend a £50 on Vbucks for a new "skin" or whatever and the buzz is literally over in seconds. You've not really added to your life experience, have you, it's not made you more rounded as a person in the same way a night out does, you've not added to the nighttime or tourist economy etc, all you've done is feed your growing desire for instant gratification, all for a few colour changes on an outfit on a page. It really is similar to gambling and there's a real danger that youngsters who have never had to equate money with hours worked will just see it as Monopoly money.

Who do you think makes, programmes and polices online games? Roblox alone has over 1000 employees and 99% of the games are free to play. Gaming and IT are major career choices and require highly skilled people. I have a huge circle of friends from all over the world via online gaming. Twice a week 40 people "meeting up" on voice chat sharing an interest nd just having fun chatting. I met my husband (just as you did "wasting money" on a few hours of alcohol) online gaming.

Introverts or people who struggle to communicate can form great friendships and relationships via online gaming. Just because it's not for you does not mean it's not a valid firm of socialisation. Please try to be less judgemental.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 30/12/2021 00:36

Also these are not lazy people that you imagine gamers to be. I have friends from SAHPs to Doctors to investment bankers via online gaming.

TangledNemo · 30/12/2021 00:53

I hate in app purchases. I used to play a game years ago and had a lot of fun with it. Then, they started making weekly challenges that became impossible to keep up with if you missed one. You had to use real money to catch up again. It killed the game for me, and probably lots of other people as I don’t think the company exists anymore.

To those comparing this to a night out, I really don’t think it’s the same thing. Most people would only go out once or twice a week. In app purchases are so dangerous because you have your phone on you all the time so you’re never away from the game for very long. It’s so easy to spend money a couple of times a day so it can add up very quickly. They also make it so easy to spend money accidentally. Then, what do you have to show for it?
Spending time gaming I think is a separate issue to spending lots of money on it for instant gratification.

I would definitely try to encourage the kid to save money in the future but might be a lost cause at 17. Driving lessons, university or a holiday after high school definitely would have been a better use of the money.

MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2021 01:27

I wouldn't be happy with this as I dislike in-app purchases, too. It's the innocuous but really addictive aspect of them. I game slightly and DP more seriously and we both avoid them.

The issue here is that he needs to realise that it's really better to save and such a splurge has to be a once in a blue moon and he'll miss out in other ways so it best be worth it treat. Tricky age to do or say anything but is there anything coming up (even an Easter present) that he wants something a bit pricey for? You could offer to part pay since he has Christmas money to put in... what? No cash? Spent that much already? Then no item. Certainly for me consequences etc worked well at that age with financial lessons. I saved quite well but might also have blown it on designer shoes. These days I save but still appreciate the occasional treat "see it, want it, buy it" treat to myself.