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Original poster

DS wasted his christmas money

353 replies

katkitty · 29/12/2021 22:07

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

OP posts:
Twillow · 29/12/2021 22:31

He does understand the value of money. He spent his own gift on something that is valuable to him. Why do you think only 'objects' are valuable?

LoveGoldberg · 29/12/2021 22:31

If he had used the money to buy 4 Xbox games that were a physical disk would you consider it a waste? I would maybe have encouraged saving half and spending half

Chouetted · 29/12/2021 22:33

Well it does exist, doesn't it? He's got something for his money, albeit entries in a database instead of a physical object.

It's not like he burnt it or got scammed out of it. He didn't even spend it on drugs.

BoxingDayFoodHangover · 29/12/2021 22:34

I don’t see how games companies are allowed to get away with setting up their games in this way, it’s such a massive waste of money, it’s disgusting really and think there will be all kinds of problems down the line

Mojoj · 29/12/2021 22:35

I think they don't really learn value for money until you stop giving them money and they have to earn it themselves. Money gifted to them is different. Their choice how they spend it. Once they've had to earn it, they usually consider it a bit more.

lisaandalan · 29/12/2021 22:35

If you know he's like this with Money why do you not keep more control of his money until he starts to behave more responsible and explain this too him, it's for his own good. X

Bagelsandbrie · 29/12/2021 22:35

@Twillow

He does understand the value of money. He spent his own gift on something that is valuable to him. Why do you think only 'objects' are valuable?
Exactly.

Would you have said the same thing if he’d spent it on a weekend away? Both have nothing to show for them and are purely for enjoyment.
He enjoyed his money and spent it how he wished. That’s fine!

Kite22 · 29/12/2021 22:36

I think this is partly something within their personality, and partly something you have to start working on from when they have their £1 a week pocket money in junior school.
The whole "when it is gone, it's gone" concept only really hits home when they don't have money for the thing they want - I think it is better to experience that with £1 when you are 7 (even if it takes a few goes) than with £200 at 17.

I think you need to have a serious talk about money with him -
looking at what he currently gets (pocket money / allowance) and pointing out that is only until he is 18/ leaves school / whatever you decide, so ask him what he is going to do then.
I'd be asking him if he doesn't want to learn to drive - that would have bought him 8 lessons round here.
What are his plans next year? Will he be earning ? An Apprentice ? At university ? How is he planning to fund that?

Chouetted · 29/12/2021 22:37

At his age I spent £300 on a mobile phone bill. It was eyewateringly expensive, but a lesson well learnt.

Isn't this just the modern equivalent? Or are you going to argue that mobile phone bills exist in a way that game items don't?

Anordinarymum · 29/12/2021 22:37

Its what teenagers do, and despite you thinking it was a waste it is all part of the learning process and valuing money.

2022newname · 29/12/2021 22:38

How would you have felt if he blew it on a night out?

MissMaple82 · 29/12/2021 22:39

But its his money, and you can't control how he spends it. A gift is a gift, it shouldn't come with rules attached. It's was teens do, hell learn one day.

allycat4 · 29/12/2021 22:39

@cruffin how much Christmas money did you get, 50 grand a year?? Grin

123sunshine · 29/12/2021 22:41

It’s hard for kids to value money, especially when they’ve not had to work for it. From a young age, I’ve put my kids birthday and Christmas money into a separate account which I control, now they are older teenagers they really value that I’ve done that. They know they have savings to buy things of value when they/want need and don’t fritter. But it’s a financial education. I’m pretty sensible with money, but have times I’ve blown money too. It’s all I the learning process. When my older teenagers get cash now, I say do you want time to put it in your savings account or not. They often choose savings, but like to spend a bit too. But for their accumulated savings they’ve brought some quite high ticket items, gaming PFS, phones, iPads, that’s taught them the value of putting money away and saving to get what you really want.

cruffin · 29/12/2021 22:41

Nope I'm only in my early 30s, but my parents saved our birthday and Christmas money from when we were tiny. All those £50 here and there really added up, as the OP has said her son has just pissed £200 up the wall. My baby is one and has already received money for Christmas instead of presents for some people so I am saving it.

Snowsaurus · 29/12/2021 22:41

If the people giving him the money wanted it for specific things or savings, then they should have said so. If not, well this is what he wanted to do with his money. Agree it’s a waste, but it’s not to him.

Bagelsandbrie · 29/12/2021 22:42

@Chouetted

At his age I spent £300 on a mobile phone bill. It was eyewateringly expensive, but a lesson well learnt.

Isn't this just the modern equivalent? Or are you going to argue that mobile phone bills exist in a way that game items don't?

That reminds me- when I was 16 I ran up a £260 phone bill to a boy in Scotland I’d never actually met (pen friend turned phone friend). My mum was super angry with me and whoosh my Christmas money was gone - worth every penny though! Grin
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 29/12/2021 22:44

It’s not ideal, but at 17 it’s out of your control. I know ds spent money as a younger teen on online gaming, but he’s had a part time job from 16, and is now at uni, renting a flat, and budgeting really well. They need opportunities to fail (so to speak) from a young age.. better now when the stakes are relatively low, than in ten years time with a mortgage to pay and kids to feed. He just needs to feel the consequences of splurging, such as missing a night out (don’t be tempted to bail him out with a loan!) but the flip side is if gaming is his hobby he may feel it was money well spent.

notacooldad · 29/12/2021 22:45

Why dies everything a teenager dies or get has to be a life lesson for them.
Hes spent his present in something he enjoys. Good for him.
My mum always sends me a money fir my birthday or Christmas and tells me to make sure I spend it on something " for yourself and domt put it in the bank where it'll just be swallowed up with day to day expenses'
I told her Im spending my Christmas money on cocktails. She said good!!!

MMMarmite · 29/12/2021 22:47

His money, his choice. You're being overly controlling.

Decide what your own boundaries are about what support you are willing to give him as he becomes an adult, and be clear with him about that. But then leave him to freely make his own decisions. Either he'll enjoy the online items, or he'll regret it and learn to choose differently next time.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 29/12/2021 22:47

@notacooldad That’s actually a really good point.. my mum used to be the same.. birthday money was for a treat just for me.. I usually picked some nice make up, it was a real treat when I was a skint young mum.

Jinglemychristmasbells · 29/12/2021 22:47

Dd has 2 accounts one she can't touch because it don't have a card and dad has control of the account and she has a go Henry account for her pocket money 💰

notacooldad · 29/12/2021 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kite22 · 29/12/2021 22:49

@123sunshine

It’s hard for kids to value money, especially when they’ve not had to work for it. From a young age, I’ve put my kids birthday and Christmas money into a separate account which I control, now they are older teenagers they really value that I’ve done that. They know they have savings to buy things of value when they/want need and don’t fritter. But it’s a financial education. I’m pretty sensible with money, but have times I’ve blown money too. It’s all I the learning process. When my older teenagers get cash now, I say do you want time to put it in your savings account or not. They often choose savings, but like to spend a bit too. But for their accumulated savings they’ve brought some quite high ticket items, gaming PFS, phones, iPads, that’s taught them the value of putting money away and saving to get what you really want.
Same here. Mine very much appreciated having the money to buy something they yearned for as teens, and then having enough for something important to them, and far more useful when they were 18/21 whenever.
cruffin · 29/12/2021 22:49

[quote ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]@notacooldad That’s actually a really good point.. my mum used to be the same.. birthday money was for a treat just for me.. I usually picked some nice make up, it was a real treat when I was a skint young mum.[/quote]
The difference here is the son already has plenty.