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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DS wasted his christmas money

353 replies

katkitty · 29/12/2021 22:07

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

OP posts:

CatJumperTwat · 29/12/2021 23:06

@cruffin

Nope I'm only in my early 30s, but my parents saved our birthday and Christmas money from when we were tiny. All those £50 here and there really added up, as the OP has said her son has just pissed £200 up the wall. My baby is one and has already received money for Christmas instead of presents for some people so I am saving it.

Even 10 years ago you couldn't get something in London with a deposit less than £20k. You're saying you and your sibling got at least £1,000 each a year as gifts from relatives? Are you one of the Radfords?

MichaelAndEagle · 29/12/2021 23:07

@katkitty

It's not that I have an issue with him spending some money for enjoyment in cases where he has nothing to show for it, but not a lot! That kind of money could've payed for an investment item

What's an investment item?

SirSamuelVimes · 29/12/2021 23:10

He subsequently chose to delete the game and in so doing was asked to give a reason; “I think I am getting addicted to it. I spent all my birthday money” is what he said. Made me weep, as he was so shocked and dejected.

Poor thing, that would pull at my heartstrings too. What a mature response though, not to fall into the sunk costs fallacy. Bless him.

CoedenNadolig · 29/12/2021 23:11

Jesus the amount of money I wasted on vodka and fags at 17 was eye watering 😂 at least he isn't pissed out of his scull in the back seat of a supped up Renault Cleo parked at the local coastal car park at night with lads in their 20's chain smoking.

Could be worse OP.

I turned out "ok" in the end I promise, no criminal record and no alcohol or tabacco addictions or worse. 😂 Even managed to get to 24 before accidentally getting pregnant. 👍🏻🥳

MushMonster · 29/12/2021 23:12

I do not like it either, not a little bit.
There are lots of young people spending lots on money on gaming.
But now that restrictions are less strict, and we can go and about, it is a waste.
He could save it and travel in summer. Go to a concert. Go camping.
So many great experiences to have in the real world!
I would point that to him and not buy him any holidays or cool staff that he could have got with his money.

PrincessNutella · 29/12/2021 23:14

I feel your pain, OP. Teenagers are idiots.

Original poster

katkitty · 29/12/2021 23:17

An investment item would be for example a musical instrument or good books (and before anyone says anything he's the sort to enjoy them)

For those saying to stop being so controlling and that I'm being unreasonable, do you spend that sort of money like that yourself or do your dp's and you're ok with that?

OP posts:

Kite22 · 29/12/2021 23:19

What 'investment item' would a teenager want though?

Driving lessons ?

Kite22 · 29/12/2021 23:20

Or something like paying for a Lifeguard qualification which would mean he could earn back many times that amount over the next few years

Butchyrestingface · 29/12/2021 23:21

@katkitty

An investment item would be for example a musical instrument or good books (and before anyone says anything he's the sort to enjoy them)

For those saying to stop being so controlling and that I'm being unreasonable, do you spend that sort of money like that yourself or do your dp's and you're ok with that?

I spend money on things other people might consider tat, yes. It's MY money and I'm going to be a long time dead so why not?

He's spent his money on something he enjoys. Don't ruin it for him.

whynotwhatknot · 29/12/2021 23:21

Do you pay for everything now op treats driving lessons etc? maybe he doesnt see the value in money

DeathTo2021 · 29/12/2021 23:21

@FuckeryIsAfoot

Just out of interest, which game is it?

My guess, at that age, it's is Apex Legends, Genshin Impact or FIFA.

My dd, same age, plays the first two, she put £30 on her 2020 Xmas money on Genshin and hasn't put any on since even though it's still on of her fave games. She was gonna spend some on apex this year but she hasn't yet.

She has lots of little rules she sets herself and wouldn't spend every penny she has because she's trying to save for uni .

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2021 23:22

@katkitty

An investment item would be for example a musical instrument or good books (and before anyone says anything he's the sort to enjoy them)

For those saying to stop being so controlling and that I'm being unreasonable, do you spend that sort of money like that yourself or do your dp's and you're ok with that?

He didn’t want books or a musical instrument.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 29/12/2021 23:23

£200 at 17 for me would have been gone being a "big spender" in a nightclub for me and my friends. As for the cost of gaming I've never spent that much in one go but have played the same game for 17 years at a sub fee of £9.99 per month as has my husband (who I met through this game). As well as buying 100s of other PC games over the years. This is a choice of entertainment and why people seem fit to judge this as a waste I have no idea.

Everything we buy for enjoyment is temporary. Clothes, food, experiences.

When I give people money for a gift it is to spend on something they will enjoy. Just because you don't find enjoyment in this game doesn't mean it isn't a valid form of entertainment for your son.

sweetbellyhigh · 29/12/2021 23:23

Totally disagree with the naysayers.

He spent his money on something he wanted and that he got a lot of enjoyment from.

It is not wasted.

Just bc you don't appreciate gaming doesn't mean its worthless.

And imo it's better than spending money on material possessions which inevitably end up in landfills.

Experiences are a great way to enjoy life without wasting resources.

Would you have been "disappointed " if he'd spent it going rock climbing or skiing?

Try to to be less judgmental about things you don't understand.

Bluntness100 · 29/12/2021 23:23

Honestly at 17 I’d not even ask, I’d let my daughter spend her Christmas money as she saw fit, I don’t quite understand why you th8nk it means he will live with you till his thirties.

mathanxiety · 29/12/2021 23:25

How long has he been playing this particular game, and how much does he normally spend on it (or other games)?

It's fine to spend money on coke or vodka or porn too, if fun is the only consideration we're taking into account.

Those saying it's fine to spend money on fun are possibly not aware how addictive online games are.

Teenagehorrorbag · 29/12/2021 23:31

I dread this too with my DS (13). He really wanted a gaming PC and saved up £1000 to buy one, then my DH said that was a ridiculous amount to spend and he could buy a car with that when he's older. I'm torn - as DH is right but also children these days do want different stuff, which we don't really understand.

I asked DS what the new PC would do that his current devices don't, and he didn't really know. He wants better something or others. We are lost. We have encouraged him not to buy skins (£6) more than once or twice a year and he's OK with that, but it's what they all do. His friend does chores to buy VBucks and spends £5/10 a week (or maybe a month) - either way I can't get my head round that.

Yes - it's their money - but I do think it's our job as parents to explain what else it could buy and why spending on consumables is not a great use of it long term. But it is hard.......

LovePoppy · 29/12/2021 23:32

@katkitty

It's not that I have an issue with him spending some money for enjoyment in cases where he has nothing to show for it, but not a lot! That kind of money could've payed for an investment item

Then you should have made that a condition to receiving money.

IrishMamaMia · 29/12/2021 23:32

It's an interesting one. I worked quite young and generally spent my money on clothes, drink, cd's and trips. While I wished I saved more it was nice to treat myself when young with zero financial responsibilities. I think what's worrying is that he spent it all rather than budget it out and make it last longer. Maybe that's the area to focus on, making sure he spends sensible proportions?
I'm about to start on this journey with giving my kid pocket money.

rrhuth · 29/12/2021 23:34

Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

Let him waste his money and then he will realise that wasting money is not a good idea!

I wasted a lot of money in my youth. I am now very responsible and sensible. People grow up.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 29/12/2021 23:34

@mathanxiety

How long has he been playing this particular game, and how much does he normally spend on it (or other games)?

It's fine to spend money on coke or vodka or porn too, if fun is the only consideration we're taking into account.

Those saying it's fine to spend money on fun are possibly not aware how addictive online games are.

I agree that online gaming can be addictive (especially that crappy fortnite) but can't the same be said about most enjoyable things though. Adrenaline junkies, alcoholics, excessive beauty treatments, shopaholics, overeating, gambling. If this was money he needed for bills, food etc it's different than spending money that was given to him to spend on gifts for himself.

Feedingthebirds1 · 29/12/2021 23:35

He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without

Possibly as a result of that he doesn't appreciate the value of money, and thinks it's easy come, easy go.

Is it time to talk to him about the (financial) facts of life - not to go in heavy on what he's spent, but the realities. If you've always provided what he needs, and a lot of what he's wanted, maybe he thinks that what he wants will magically carry on appearing.

Dancingonmoonlight · 29/12/2021 23:35

I can't believe the number of people who say its ok to blow 200 pounds on a virtual game.
My eldest DC (younger than the OP's DS) is addicted to Roblox, has a complete personality change when playing it and would think nothing of spending all birthday and Christmas money in an instant.

For those saying its theirs to spend, yes when its a tangible object, or an experience. Buying a 'virtual' puppy in an online game is the equivalent of throwing money on a fire. The value of money is not appreciated.

My DC begged for money to spend at Christmas I said I would buy 20 dollars worth of Roblox if they physically went to their room and handed me a 20 euro note. Suddenly when DC was handling cash, DC decided that maybe 10 euro worth would be enough after all.

MargaritaPie · 29/12/2021 23:36

In-app purchases are the biggest waste of money ever.

If your child is the sort of person who would blow their money on that then give them a gift voucher instead (not for their digital game, for an actual physical shop).

HTH

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