DS wasted his christmas money

[katkitty]

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

Early lessons in saving a percentage of gift money will pay dividends later on because they easily become a learned habit. Financial security is very important these days. He can waste his money at any age but he should be totally aware of what he's doing and why.

Our philosophy was always save sime, spend some and we got this in place from when they were young. Not save it forever, but towards a bigger item. That becomes a habit over time, and at 19. 17 and 14, they still have that 'blueprint' to work to.
If you had this in place and your young person isn't following it, that could be frustrating. But of course he still doesn't understand the value of money as he's not out on his own yet. We are bringing in little things to help, for example, they have all started to have their own breakfast cereal budget so they can see what it costs and make their own choices.
These games with pay for options are designed to be addictive, so it can be a great lesson for future life about the dangers of being sucked on by marketing.
You say 'I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while'.
So now he won't get this. Or if he really wants, you could say it's a shame he spent all his gift money on add-ons, now he'll have to come up with a way of earning money to get the big item.

@Forsure69 - Thank you 🥰
@Roxy69 - I couldn't agree more 🥰
@Devora13 - keep up the good work! 🥰 A breakfast budget is a good start, but now you're kids are teenagers I'd be giving them bigger things to think about than just breakfast, maybe a clothing budget, obviously school uniforms should be separately paid for by the parents/guardians but maybe consider an estimated annual figure you spend on other clothing/footwear for them and split it into a monthly diffuser which you put somewhere separate for them, then have the conversation with them, explaining that they have a budget of £x over the next year but they can't spend it until each month's quota has been earned by doing a few chores around home. A simple example would be an annual spend of say £180 would be earned at a rate of £15/month, so if they want something costing £25, they have to wait until there is at least that amount in their clothing kitty.
They then get a good basis for financial planning and the household chores not only help you but teach them valuable life skills too.

Aarrgghh, I hate predictive text and the fact we can't go back and edit our posts.
An annoying typo above...
Monthly figure, not monthly diffuser 🤗

I don't think there's a direct link between wasting money as a teenager and living at home at 30 years old otherwise I'd still be living at home!

And tbh it does sound a little bit like you want to punish him. He will work out the consequences naturally surely? When he wants to buy something and doesn't have the money.

Maybe in the future give him vouchers rather than money if you don’t want him to spend it. But at the same time, it's his money and he can spend it how he likes. Or just buy him a gift.

Maybe in the future give him vouchers rather than money if you don’t want him to spend it. But at the same time, it's his money and he can spend it how he likes. Or just buy him a gift
In the future, I.e. next Christmas, the lad will be 18!!

I would be disappointed too but, as others have said, it's his money. Hopefully, he will grow out of it. Our son wasn't great with money until well into his twenties but he's OK now so don't despair. It's not your fault.

@katkitty

An investment item would be for example a musical instrument or good books (and before anyone says anything he's the sort to enjoy them)

For those saying to stop being so controlling and that I'm being unreasonable, do you spend that sort of money like that yourself or do your dp's and you're ok with that?

Yeah I would if it was a gift. I wouldn't deign to suggest what dp spends his Christmas money on anymore that he would to me

For those saying to stop being so controlling and that I'm being unreasonable, do you spend that sort of money like that yourself or do your dp's and you're ok with that?
Of course I spend that sort of money on my self. I have just spen £108 on olaplex and £78 on lipsticks. Why not? It’s not something I do every week and I like being frugal but every now and then I like to have a blow out.

Can anyone explain what an investment gift is?

I only know investment item etc as something expected to increase in value, and eventually could be sold for a profit.

Anyone?

@CheeseMmmm

Can anyone explain what an investment gift is?

I only know investment item etc as something expected to increase in value, and eventually could be sold for a profit.

Anyone?

You’ve literally just explained what it is. It’s something you can buy, keep, then potentially sell on. So if I bought a nice coat, wore it for a while, then didn’t need it anymore I could sell it, therefore making back some of/maybe a lot of the money I’d spend on it. It would keep value.

Most of the time items like Fortnite skins don’t get sold on. Obviously if you spent it on something like driving lessons that can’t be sold on but I’d say that’s an investment in yourself.

Regardless the issue is balance. All those who love gaming/think this is totally fine and a good use of money don’t really seem to be taking into account the total lack of balance when you’re spending £200 in two days on virtual gaming.

Investment = for a decent profit to me. Things that are v likely to increase in value. And are purchased because of that anticipated increase (often things you like, anyway. But anticipated value increase is key).

I don't see how for 200 you could get books or a musical instrument of that type.

If invest in books. The less handled the better condition the more valuable.
And would need to be eg rare, small print run, first edition, etc. And by someone/ in an area where enough people will want it for it to sell, and want it enough to get good profit.

Ditto musical instrument.

Does that make sense?

And who can say what will become increasingly valuable in coming years/ decades.

Eg original Apple computer limited edition kit from 1976 sold 2021 $400K.

seen loads about plastic figures still in package eg star wars getting ££££

Regardless I don’t think we’re going to agree. As I’ve said it’s not like I’m some miser who doesn’t understand computers or gaming - I’m quite young myself.

I just don’t think spending every penny of your Christmas money on two days on virtual gaming sounds like a healthy past time, and I think comparing it to stuff like going to the cinema is redundant because it would be extremely unlikely to cost so much money in so little time.

I was simply agreeing with op that I’d be disappointed in him spending all his money in such an impulsive way.

But as I’ve said I wouldn’t find it as problematic if he’d spent a little of the money - but spending all of it, all at once in this fashion sounds to me like many people I’ve seen who are gaming addicted and get easily sucked in/feel they need to spend large amounts of money in short periods of time.

The money was from various relatives though. Not one lump sum.

That makes a difference to me.
20 from uncle, 40 from granny, etc.

It's not from the mum. She may be pissed off with him, sure.

But what would uncle have wanted him to spend the money on? If had definite ideas would prob have got an actual present.
Cash normally means, up to you, treat yourself, get something you want, enjoy!

And granny, what would she want him to do with the 40?

Etc etc.

Chances are they are giving cash and it's up to him.

So... No problem.

My grandad said give cash gift, it's their money. If conditions on how spend it's not really a gift.

You give feely knowing they may well do something you don't like, if that's going to bother you. Don't give cash. Do another way.

That seems v sensible to me.

Appreciate we're all different obv and that's how it should be. We're all different people.

And anything to do with family and money seems to be a massive cause of problems.

We were always encouraged to save 25% of our Birthday/Xmas money.
Does he get pocket money?
Maybe try and give him money fir 2weeks day to day expenses, transport,phone top ups, lunchs at college etc and teach him to budget and manage it.
When he has the hang of it make monthly allowance payments.

If mum had said you're buying an investment item (still confused, think definition has shifted without me noticing!)

Books or a musical instrument. When in spare time he likes gaming. Chances are they will not be used much or at all.

Surely that's not a win!

Does he even play a musical instrument?!
OP said buy one so unless he rents at moment, why would he want one?

And what musical instruments can you get a decent one for 200 anyway? A triangle?

I'm sure mum won't appreciate a drum kit!
Theremins are cool but can't see that going down well.
Guitar prob the obvious at 17.
But does he want to take up a musical instrument anyway?

I just really struggle with the whole thing!

From what 17yo are like (and always have been, loads anyway) to money from whole bunch of relatives, to new definition of investment, to... Whole thing.

If mum has 200 cash to spend. What would she buy? If she had to spend it.
Books?
Musical instrument?
Or
... Well no idea. But I bet it would be something she really wanted.

I know loads of people who spends loads on gaming! I have a team in Monster Legends and until recently thought nothing of spending money on stuff if it helps me and the team progress. Just cos something isn't physical doesn't mean it's not 'real' if you see what I mean. My kids spent loads on games, it'll pass. I noticed my 19yo and his 20yo mates were all back on Minecraft the other day. Makes a change from Fifa or a futuristic war game...!

17 and still doing babyish things like that, I agree that's a worry. He only spent it because he obviously has no clue as to the value of money. At 17 he can start looking for work and paying you board.

@notacooldad

For those saying to stop being so controlling and that I'm being unreasonable, do you spend that sort of money like that yourself or do your dp's and you're ok with that? Of course I spend that sort of money on my self. I have just spen £108 on olaplex and £78 on lipsticks. Why not? It’s not something I do every week and I like being frugal but every now and then I like to have a blow out.

Absolutely!!

£200 needs to be taken in context of savings and prospective income/expenditure. So someone with a regular salary and substantial savings - splashing £200 isn’t an issue. Someone who may start a uni/FE course soon with no salary and not much savings - splashing £200 in one go would not be wise. That’s true regardless of age.

@Harmonypuss
Thanks for the ideas. I didn't mention, however, that the older two have additional needs so it's a very slow process 😁

@Devora13

I can understand it's difficult, why not try gradually adding things like treats or activities into the mix.

Every little thing we can get our kids to take responsibility for (especially from a financial standpoint), will be beneficial to them in the long run.