Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS wasted his christmas money

353 replies

katkitty · 29/12/2021 22:07

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

OP posts:
sweetbellyhigh · 30/12/2021 01:28

@katkitty

An investment item would be for example a musical instrument or good books (and before anyone says anything he's the sort to enjoy them)

For those saying to stop being so controlling and that I'm being unreasonable, do you spend that sort of money like that yourself or do your dp's and you're ok with that?

But that isn't what he wants. My goodness, you sound very controlling.

So much ignorance in here.

There is a lot of skill involved in gaming and many lessons to be learned by the players. Going by this thread however the parents however seemed to be a lost cause.

To answer you OP yes I do "let" my son, 14, spend his own money as he chooses including on gaming.

He bought his own gaming computer at 12 with money he'd saved, I was so impressed. He looks after it as though it's the Crown Jewels which of course it is to him.

The fact that he enjoys gaming does not negate the fact that he also enjoys skateboarding and film making and being in a band, sheesh.

It is puke be like me saying that you blowing money on make up or alcohol means you shouldn't be trusted with your own money because it would be better spent on learning Spanish. So patronising.

Forsure69 · 30/12/2021 01:38

Fun thing about not being an adult is not having to think like one. Your rationalising his spending. He feels he has got what he wanted. It is his money, he spent it the way he wanted.

Although, in saying that, with my kids, they HAVE to put 10% into savings. They understand why and they do it.

Forsure69 · 30/12/2021 01:40

@sweetbellyhigh I agree with you!

Thickasmincepie · 30/12/2021 01:40

I also think spenders vs savers is an innate thing. I think of myself as a saver, but I'm a spender. I have given birth to one of each.

Vegetalienne · 30/12/2021 01:43

For those saying to stop being so controlling and that I'm being unreasonable, do you spend that sort of money like that yourself or do your dp's and you're ok with that?

We spend money on whatever we want. My partner and kids spend lots of money on gaming. Who am I to tell them it’s a waste of money just because I don’t game. People like different things.

Magnited · 30/12/2021 01:43

Don't bail him out. Let him learn from his mistakes.

Accept that he may be a spendthrift in life, but it is his life. Stop fretting about it.

Forsure69 · 30/12/2021 01:54

^I'm with you, OP. Of course we can send money on nights out and weekends away or whatever and have nothing material to show for it. But someone has to pay the wages of the bar man or the person serving in the off licence, or the taxi driver or bus driver who drives the night bus. You can see where the money goes there. Plus you will have had hours and hours of fun and probably met a few new people, perhaps even met someone who ends up being your boyfriend or girlfriend (or DH, in my case!), developed your social skills and got more streetwise in the process. You'll probably have memories of some of those specific occasions for the rest of your life.

Spend a £50 on Vbucks for a new "skin" or whatever and the buzz is literally over in seconds. You've not really added to your life experience, have you, it's not made you more rounded as a person in the same way a night out does, you've not added to the nighttime or tourist economy etc, all you've done is feed your growing desire for instant gratification, all for a few colour changes on an outfit on a page. It really is similar to gambling and there's a real danger that youngsters who have never had to equate money with hours worked will just see it as Monopoly money.^

What an idiotic comment? Comparing adult fun to kids/adolescent fun... really? So, your short lived night, drinking was more fun than this child's experience. Something they love to do, something they seek pleasure in? It's much better to encourage teach the child/adolescent piss your money away by getting drunk and slobing your way home.. yeah.. fine idea there!!!

ErmineAndPearls · 30/12/2021 01:57

Seems like a waste to me. The behaviour of someone who doesn’t know the value of money. Only one thing teaches you that. He wouldn’t have thrown it away if he’d worked 20 hours for it.

LaPufalina · 30/12/2021 02:09

Following as I'm irritated by our DN (12) spending £50 we gave him for Christmas on a FIFA in-app purchase after SIL said he wanted to go sales shopping. He's made up with being able to spend so much as obviously doesn't have a job yet. My DH is a gamer and is more annoyed than me, says it's encouraging kids to gamble Sad vouchers next time I think.

Balula · 30/12/2021 02:28

My DC is 17 and is developmentally about 13/14 due to ND and a life long medical condition - they started a part time job (their choice but I made it happen as social skills aren't adequate to get through the door)

Anyway, this week DC asks me to look at something on Amazon to do with an order that had been refunded due to it being out of stock. I realised when looking that they'd spent over £450 on fucking FIFA in 2 months! ShockSadAngry

I was horrified but managed to not show it and calmly had a chat with them about setting up a savings account for at least 1/2 wages every fortnight for when the time comes they want to move out or go on holiday (driving won't be an option)
, I realised when taking through it with family that DC doesn't actually have anything to spend it on as they have very little friends so don't go out to socialise and college is paid for them. It made me really sad if I'm honest but I think I managed to deal with it without conveying my horror.

FuckeryIsAfoot · 30/12/2021 02:36

@LaPufalina

Following as I'm irritated by our DN (12) spending £50 we gave him for Christmas on a FIFA in-app purchase after SIL said he wanted to go sales shopping. He's made up with being able to spend so much as obviously doesn't have a job yet. My DH is a gamer and is more annoyed than me, says it's encouraging kids to gamble Sad vouchers next time I think.
What is it with all these controlling gift givers? If you can't deal with the kid spending on what he wants, just don't bother.
madisonbridges · 30/12/2021 02:39

I agree with the op. Her DS is 17, he's coming to a time where he's going to be living independently. Surely one of a parent's job is teaching financial responsibility. £200 is a lot of money and to just blow it on a game in just 4 days is such a waste. Owing money and struggling to pay bills is often treated as a bit of a joke amongst the young and seems to be an accepted way of life. Getting into debt is very easy but getting out of it is hard. It is his money but it's his parents' responsibility to guide him to spend wisely.

RainbowMum11 · 30/12/2021 02:51

17?! Well he is old enough to understand the value of money, and to earn more if he wants to spend it on what he wants to spend it on.

Kanaloa · 30/12/2021 03:00

There is a lot of skill involved in gaming and many lessons to be learned by the players. Going by this thread however the parents however seemed to be a lost cause.

What lesson do you learn from spending £200 in just a few days? What skills do you use to spend that amount of money.

I do get what people are trying to say when they say it uses skills etc but realistically there are more useful skills to be learned. For the grand majority of ‘gamers’ it’s a form of fun entertainment, not a skilled hobby. And if you need to spend hundreds of pounds in less than a week I would wonder if the skills and lessons you’re apparently learning are worth it.

I will say though that I’ve never met anyone who has developed such advanced skills from playing fifa that it’s worth £50 a day.

user33323 · 30/12/2021 03:17

At 17, I would have spent it on drugs and alcohol. Blown on a night out. That is the same for many teenagers. The nothing tangible argument doesn't add up, if he'd spent it on a restaurant meal you probably would be fine with it. Should game.developers be expected to work on a voluntary basis?

Atmywitsend29 · 30/12/2021 03:45

It's not wasted, he's 17 and spent HIS money on something HE wanted. That's not wasted, it's just spent.
Don't allow people to gift your kids money if you're going to attempt to control how they spend it!

My DS was given a £15 amazon gift card for Xmas, he used it to buy an Xbox voucher and bought a digital copy of an expansion pack he wanted for a game and some Minecraft skins. He's 8. He also got 10quid in cash, which he used to buy a bloody beginners skateboard in the sale at the toy store! He's been up the skatepark both days since buying it trying to learn to skateboard but it's hard and frustrating and he keeps falling off, I don't expect it to last 5 minutes. I knew that when he bought it. At no point would I consider telling him he can't spend his money on what he wants, whether I think it's a pointless waste of money or not. It's not my money. It's not up to me.

colourfulpuddles · 30/12/2021 03:51

YABVU and really snobby. It’s his money to spend how he wants and if he likes what he’s spent it it on it isn’t a waste just because you don’t approve.

You don’t need to teach him a lesson because he hasn’t done anything wrong.

flamedancer · 30/12/2021 03:51

He will learn!

RantyAunty · 30/12/2021 04:20

Games are fun but there has to be moderation.

He's 17. Who is teaching him life skills about saving, budgeting, paying for something on time, etc.?

Those games are created to be addictive and siphon money off people.

www.theguardian.com/games/2018/may/29/gamers-politicians-regulation-video-game-loot-boxes

www.makeuseof.com/tag/video-games-trick-spending-money/

Pixxie7 · 30/12/2021 04:34

You haven’t failed, the money was given as Christmas presents presumably because they wanted him to get something he wanted. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and again making an assumption he probably wants to learn to drive. Maybe in future you suggest he spends some of his money, but puts some away for driving lessons, car, uni, festivals I don’t know the list goes on and on.
Also if you give him an allowance perhaps discuss with him the benefits of saving some of it towards the things he wants to do in the very near future.

Namenic · 30/12/2021 04:54

I’d be disappointed if my kid did this, but I’d treat it as a lesson for me in terms of what they value and their attitude to money. I’d think of how to structure their allowance - if they were going on to further education.

MintJulia · 30/12/2021 05:43

17 is probably a bit late to fix it. We set a weekly limit on on-line rubbish spending when ds was 8 so now he doesn't even ask. It's normal for him.

Your son is basically an adult. The only thing you can do is stop buying him other things he wants and make it clear he needs to manage his own money more wisely.

sweetbellyhigh · 30/12/2021 05:48

@Kanaloa

There is a lot of skill involved in gaming and many lessons to be learned by the players. Going by this thread however the parents however seemed to be a lost cause.

What lesson do you learn from spending £200 in just a few days? What skills do you use to spend that amount of money.

I do get what people are trying to say when they say it uses skills etc but realistically there are more useful skills to be learned. For the grand majority of ‘gamers’ it’s a form of fun entertainment, not a skilled hobby. And if you need to spend hundreds of pounds in less than a week I would wonder if the skills and lessons you’re apparently learning are worth it.

I will say though that I’ve never met anyone who has developed such advanced skills from playing fifa that it’s worth £50 a day.

I don't think you do get what I'm saying, not at all.

People who are ignorant about gaming are so quick to judge and so sneezy about it.

To win in gaming you have to be able to negotiate, navigate, strategise, and that's aside of the technical skills. This stuff is huge, a massive growth industry for careers.

At all the tech industry employment conferences there is huge demand for the brightest young gaming brains.

ElftonWednesday · 30/12/2021 05:49

I can't believe the number of people who say its ok to blow 200 pounds on a virtual game

I can't believe people who say that it's wrong or that they should save money given as a gift and not spend it on something fun and frivolous.

Etherealhedgehog · 30/12/2021 05:52

@cruffin hahahahaha that's really brightened up my otherwise grumpy morning. Right up there with 'millenials should just stop eating avocado and then they'd all have houses.' So were you getting thousands for Christmas and birthdays or are you many decades older than OP's son (and me)?

Swipe left for the next trending thread