DS wasted his christmas money

[katkitty]

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

@Morgysmum

I have had this with my son, he won a prize at school £100. When asked did he want cash or gift cards, he said Roblox gift cards so ended up spending 100, on roblox🤦‍♀️ we did try to encourage him to choose something else but he said no. This year, he has got about 150 for Christmas and his birthday is in a few days. We have told him, to think what he wants to spend it on, he hasn't decided yet. But so far he isn't looking at roblox. Hopefully he is learning, but it is hard going. Good luck, hopefully he will get there.

And again, what is wrong with spending on Robux?

Who are you to decide what is of value to a child?!

I always got frustrated when my son spent all his birthday/Christmas money on something like FIFA points. I said he should be spending it on a tangible item rather than something he had nothing to "show for" it.
But then I thought about it - its money spent on Entertainment. So when I go to the theatre and spend a considerable amount on tickets, or my husband goes to a football game, - we have spent that money for an afternoon, or an evening's entertainment, and we have enjoyed it and had fun. We have had nothing tangible to show for the money. It helped me realise there was nothing wrong with my son spending his money on entertainment.

My DS (12) does this. £10 here - £15 there and before we know it; his birthday money is all gone and he still needs new trainers.
He doesn't have a normal bank account tho; it's a kid one that we can monitor on out phones and limit how much he can spend in one go.
He also spends a LOT on food. You'd think he doesn't get fed at home 🤷‍♀️
You definitely have NOT failed as a parent tho - this might be exactly the right lesson he needs to really learn the value of money. As PP said; just say no to anything material he wants and remind him that he had plenty of money but he wasted it.
Good luck!

I think I'd try and give him some tough love, £200 on a virtual game is a lot, too much in my opinion.

You say he doesn't go without. Maybe it's time he did, next time he wants a new phone, or the next best thing, tell him he has to wait until Xmas or his birthday and he buys it himself. My dd broke her phone 3 times, the 3rd time was a month after it had been repaired (at my expense). She wanted a new model for Xmas, so I told her she has to save up enough money to repair the new one if she broke it, and keep that amount in a savings account, before we bought her a new one. Plus she had to contribute her birthday money towards it. Funnily enough, she's had it a year now and not broken it.

@TractorAndHeadphones

Okay well we simply aren’t going to agree I’m afraid. I don’t think it’s a ‘good thing’ or a learning opportunity, I just think it’s a show of incredible immaturity and a poor attitude to money and I’d expect a more sensible attitude from a 17 year old.

At 17 I will agree that it’s his choice though - but like op I would feel disappointed.

@thetinsoldier

I'd never spend that on me, so that's my yardstick, I suppose. Also - virtual things! Not real things like books, clothes, a game console, an experience...

How is a game not a "real thing"? It is exactly a game, something fun with educational by products.

So much ignorance and judgment on this thread.

sweetbellyhigh

He didn’t buy a game he bought virtual items - eg ‘skins’ etc based on what OP said.

@Vegetalienne

This thread is mad. He got £200 for Xmas and spent it on something he wanted. There’s no issue.

I agree to a point. After all we were all 17 once.

As long as he enjoyed spending HIS money, I don't see the problem. A colleague told me her DH 8 got £200 from gran to spend at the amusement arcade on summer hols at caravan park. Now that is a waste of money in my view. Why would you let your child do that with that amount of cash?

Meant DC

At 17 I agree with other pp. Yes it's something you wouldn't have spent it on but he's old enough to realise if he spends it then he has no money left for other things.

Mine are 7 and 10 and had switches for Xmas and I have said yes to a few games for them with their Xmas money but a firm no to skins on bloody Fortnite

Money given as a straight up gift, they can and should do as they wish with it. It's their money. You may not like what they spend it on, that's life.

Or so said my grand dad, who was v generous.

If that's what he wanted and values then that's what it should be spent on. Sounds like he got lots of good presents, maybe that's all he wanted.

1. It’s a waste of money in your eyes
2. It’s his money

The end!

@coodawoodashooda

Im interested in your situation op. Mine are too young to make that choice but I want to set up the financial situation in our house so they are motivated not to do that. Not sure how though.

My son is now 25 but back when he was 9 he used to pester me every week for a computer/console game, they were around £35-40 each back then and as a single parent I couldn't afford to give in every week.
A friend told me that she gave her daughter (same age) an allowance of around £50/month for doing some chores but that she had to buy her own clothes (except school uniform etc), games, toys, books, sweets etc, out of her allowance and that it worked really well for them.
I talked to my son and explained how it would work and we agreed to give it a try.
Having helped around the house to 'earn' his allowance has given him very useful life skills too, including cooking, using the washing machine, dishwasher, vacuum cleaner, duster etc, etc.
Sometimes when we went grocery shopping he'd conveniently forget to bring his money out with him, I said that I'd pay for what he wanted but he'd have to pay me back as soon as we got home, in the beginning he thought he'd get away with it but soon realised I was no pushover. I did occasionally deliberately under-calculate my maths a little in order to give him a little treat but it didn't happen very often.
By the time he was 13, he was fully aware of how much things in life cost, he realised that he could buy a £10 pair of jeans in the supermarket or a £60 pair with a label, they both served the same purpose and one meant he had money to do other things with.
I also talked to him about household expenses to give him some financial education, not least because when his father and I split up, just before the divorce was finalised, he ran up almost £50k of debt, gave up work and told his creditors he couldn't afford to pay them, they all came chasing me as I was working and still legally responsible for his debts. My son has grown up watching me scrimp to get by because I've been struggling to pay off his father's debts, I wanted to make sure that he didn't get himself into similar financial difficulties.
He's now 25 and has a reasonable salary, he has savings and buys nice things but he's always on the lookout for great deals, voucher codes, sales etc.

Some people would say what I did was wrong but I needed the help as I'm disabled and he wanted to help, he got something worthwhile out of it and he's actually thanked me for teaching him all these skills, I'm a very proud mum!

Just thought OP

At 17, it was usual in my area to go to pub, 2 or 3 times a week, or get booze for park etc, loads of us smoked, tube fares/bus fares to clubs in town, and pay to get in. Also lots of drugs about and even the sensible types dabbled.

So from that perspective... Really not so bad at all!

People could spend that on a night out on a fancy dinner and wine and no one would see it as a waste. Same concept, nothing tangible to show for it. It's just that you aren't a gamer, so to you it seems wasteful. At the end of the day it's his money and he spent it on something he finds pleasurable. If it was money he needed for something else, or money given to him for a specific purpose, like driving lessons or something, then that would be different, but it's in place of a gift and he chose the gift(s) he wanted.

Oh and I got decent exams, uni degree, recession when out uni, managed to get into trainee for bcareer type job, after 5 years of random jobs as hard to get job then.

Moved up around etc. Done/ doing nicely.

Spending your xmas money on what your parents see as rubbish at 17 is par for the course. And does not mean his whole future is DOOMED!

Just read thread! Blimey!

Sounds like a clear split between those posters who when 17

• Spent any money on gigs, records, booze, drugs, clubs sort of stuff

• Saved a good chunk/ most of any money, and presumably didn't spend on things that looking back their parents were FGS that's a waste of money/ why do you keep buying clothes that are black, look like falling apart, so baggy, so tight, haven't you got enough makeup/hair styling stuff/ smelly bath things/ games for your spectrum (ha showing age!)/ what's wrong with the phone you have, etc etc etc?

I am here thinking if he had spent in going to a concert would you think differently?

If you want him to learn deal with money you will eventually have to trust his decisions. And I don't think what he's done is so bad.
I know lots of adults, me included, that spend money with questionable items (alcohol, for example) but that are considered acceptable. And I am doing OK financially. He bought something he valued even if you don't I believe you should respect it.

@CheeseMmmm

Just read thread! Blimey!

Sounds like a clear split between those posters who when 17

• Spent any money on gigs, records, booze, drugs, clubs sort of stuff

• Saved a good chunk/ most of any money, and presumably didn't spend on things that looking back their parents were FGS that's a waste of money/ why do you keep buying clothes that are black, look like falling apart, so baggy, so tight, haven't you got enough makeup/hair styling stuff/ smelly bath things/ games for your spectrum (ha showing age!)/ what's wrong with the phone you have, etc etc etc?

I think what’s being missed is the balance.

If my kids had £200 as a gift of course I wouldn’t expect them to stick it all in their savings account and rub their hands gleefully anticipating how they can sensibly invest it as an adult.

It’s possible to enjoy a little and save a little for later - I’d argue the enjoyment will be even more than spending it all in two days. So surely you could spend a set amount on the game (and if it’s a decent game it should still be playable without such a large spend) and spend some more later.

So yeah although I’ve said I would be disappointed it’s not as if I think kids should save all money/spend it only on ‘sensible’ things. More that I think spending so much so quickly on online virtual ‘skins’ or ‘points’ isn’t a very sensible use of the money and points to quite an addictive type of attitude to the game.

On a more serious note-

Over last 30 years or so, loads has changed across society to -

• Normalise debt
• Create less physical/ tangible sort of.. meaning when money is spent
• Change the financial landscape of what is in reach, esp in certain areas
• Incomes v prices have not risen at same pace
• Interest rates on easy access savings have been rock bottom/ nothing at all for years. In fact often putting in back means your money loses value over time
• The variety of things to buy, when can buy, where and how often get ads, ease of spending etc is just constant everywhere
• Those who make apps in order to get in game money, now have a v good understanding of how to get humans hooked, how to gradually increase difficulty and when to say look limited time deal! Etc

Humans are in the end fallible, the vast vast majority, and we are being pursued and bombarded with advanced ways to try and part us from our money.

And all the above factors...

And we're in the end animals not eg adherents to austere living, shunning all capitalist mechanisms and living by foraging etc. Well most of us anyway!

And he's 17!!!

@coodawoodashooda

Im interested in your situation op. Mine are too young to make that choice but I want to set up the financial situation in our house so they are motivated not to do that. Not sure how though.

As soon as my two could do basic counting and could understand the concept of money (probably at the age of about six or seven), I opened a bank account for them (in my name, but in trust for them) and would put £20 a month pocket money in each of their accounts. They could then take the bank card and get out any money they needed. If they wanted a major item, they had to save up some of the money themselves and then I would lend them the rest. I kept a note of how much they owed me in my 'Little Red Book' and they would pay me back out of their pocket money and Christmas/Birthday money.

Both of them are now adults and fairly sensible. DD is probably a little bit frivolous with money, but nothing major. She bought a house with her partner at the age of 28 (in quite an expensive part of the country) and isn't in any debt, apart from obviously the mortgage. DS is quite frugal (a bit like me) and is super-sensible! He hopes to buy a house with his partner next year.

Some parents seem to think children will magically be able to work out how to budget etc, but they do need guidance!

As for working 16, 17 teaching value of money.

Pretty much everyone had Saturday job when I was that age.

And it all went on going it boozing etc.

He's seventeen!!!

@CheeseMmmm

As for working 16, 17 teaching value of money.

Pretty much everyone had Saturday job when I was that age.

And it all went on going it boozing etc.

He's seventeen!!!

Where I'm from no one did. By the last year we had 2 8h school days and the other 3 were 7h. Add in commute and the miles and miles of homework and we were knackered. We started at 7/8 am too, or if you were lucky to be in an afternoon group at 11/12 but that was the whole day gone. Weekend were for more homework (if you were that way inclined), SLEEP and actually spending time with friends .