DS wasted his christmas money

[katkitty]

Ds got a lot of nice presents and was given about 200 in cash from family for christmas which he deposited into his bank. I was hoping he'd spend it on a big in-person item that he's wanted for a while or save it but he has told us he's gone and spent it on virtual items on an online game that he's currently obssesed with. Whenever he gets a bit of money he spends it. He's had a lot growing up so it's not as if he's gone without. Typically these interests don't last and that's a lot of money to blow on something that doesn't even exist and I feel like I've failed as a parent that he thought it was an acceptable thing to do. I wouldn't mind if it was only some of it but it was the whole lot. I've always advised him it's not a good idea to spend so much money on these online games and I thought he understood. He's old enough to understand the value of money (he's a teenager). Maybe I'm being far fetched but I don't want him to grow up, waste all his income and still be living at home in his 30's. Is there a way to teach him a lesson (not a punishment)

Meh, I'd have wasted it on wine and cocaine 🤷‍♀️

@IdontWanna no of course not but showing some sense and exercising a bit of restraint would be evidence that the boy wasnt completely self centered. Maybe using the money towards driving lessons or broadening his world view through travel would would be more worthwhile.

I was at college doing teacher training with a girl who is still a dear friend. Her father controlled/decided/managed all her money including her student grant. She had a joint account with her dad and everything had to be agreed before it was spent and checked over every quarter by dads accountants. The rest of us were astonished. We were 18. This carried on until we graduated at 22 and got jobs as teachers. At that point she was earning an adult salary so he could no longer control and monitor her spending /saving. She was like a bird released from a cage.She went absolutely nuts every month and had a huge overdraft by the end of the first year. The rest of us had already had 4 year of managing our money entirely without input from anyone. I knew very well that the money I had each term was it. There was no going to bank of mum and dad for a top up. I had to manage it, pay all my bills etc with what I had.She had no opportunity to learn and to make mistakes because her dad hovered over every decision and had the ultimate veto. If he thought it was frivolous it didn't happen.That was 33 years ago. She is still affected by it today. Let your teens learn. Let them get it wrong in a safe space. As they say "You don't learn to sail on a flat sea".

Make him put half in a savings, and half to fritter. It’s frustrating: my kid sister does the same. ( so did DH until I did have to take control of the money- I imagine this is your worry !)
You’ll not have much say , soon enough- all you can do is advise and don’t bail him out or he’ll never ever learn ( DHs problem )
Soon as he’s at college/working - he can pay Digs, so he learns to budget.
You can keep/ask for a small amount of Digs and if you’re financially able, you can put it or half , in savings for him.

[quote SuPerDoPer]@IdontWanna no of course not but showing some sense and exercising a bit of restraint would be evidence that the boy wasnt completely self centered. Maybe using the money towards driving lessons or broadening his world view through travel would would be more worthwhile.[/quote]
He's 17. He is allowed to be self centred

@cruffin

Does he have a separate savings account? I disagree with people saying it's his money. My parents really encouraged us to save Christmas and birthday money and because of that my sister and I both managed to buy property in London in our 20s.

Definitely more to do with the era you were purchasing that saving your birthday beans! Cheapest studio flat in a crappy part of London will cost you £200,000. Meaning you’d need to get £5000 for every birthday and the same for Christmas over 20th years. I know you meant that you learned the lesson of saving but it’s not something that most young people in their 20’s can do nowadays, no matter how hard they save.

Does he have a job? My dd is the same age and I've noticed she is far better with her money now she earns it too.

Does he normally have obsessions like this OP? Very different if this is a one-off than if it is regular behaviour.

OP, don't think about it as wasting money on things that don't exist - rather, think about it as spending money on an experience he enjoys. Lots of us spend money on non-material things. Theatre shows, concerts, exhibitions, experiences, lessons... Gaming's not much different. I'd probably have a word with him about putting a percentage of his money away as savings, or investing it, rather than spending it all as it comes, but otherwise I'd let him spend it as he wishes. He'll learn.

To be fair to him, it’s hard to understand the value of money when you are young.
£200 is a months food shopping, a famcy pair of shoes, a good wintercoat, 6 hours driving lessons, a new tv, … it can be a lot of things!
Does he pay for anything at home? Does he work?
Have you looked at financial education?
You could maybe give him (as an example) £100 a month, you pay for mortage, bills, and food. But if he wants anything fancy, say the nice chocolate then it comes out of the £100. Any books, and games come out of the £100 too.
You’ll buy clothes for him but practical stuff like 3 pairs of troursers and 3 jumpers (or whatever) if he wants brands he pays the difference.
He’ll soon realise how much things costs then!

Teach him a lesson?? The poor kid spent his Christmas money on what he wanted and you want to teach him a lesson? Jeez I'm glad you weren't my parent at 17 🤨

@Darbs76

I can see why you’re upset but you haven’t failed. I guess it’s his money, and he will suffer natural consequences as he won’t be able to buy anything else with it now.

This.

Has he always had his own money to spend as he wished?

@Kanaloa

*Video games are what sparked a passion for computers (and general tech fiddling around) for many people in IT, somewhat for myself too.

There are many different types of games. There’s nothing inherently ‘less beneficial’ about video games compared to playing an instrument , crocheting or chess.

Some games are addictive yes and moderation is important (any other hobby would also be bad if all consuming) but as a class there’s nothing bad about video games compared to say smoking.*

I didn’t say there was anything inherently bad about video games.

I said I don’t see how spending £200 in two days is beneficial in any way and I don’t agree that it develops skills or leads to careers in any way. For some people playing games might spark an interest in coding or computing but spending lots of money very quickly doesn’t advance those skills or help you in a computing career.

And I also wouldn’t be happy with £200 being spent on playing chess over two days. But again it’s a redundant argument because you would simply never spend £200 playing chess or crocheting. As for an instrument, £200 would get you more than two piano lessons. You can be graded and put it on UCAS applications etc, and the money would go a lot further. As it is, he has nothing to show for that money. It’s not like he spent it on coding classes, he spent it in a game. Fantastic if it has sparked an interest in computing or tech but I presume op would have mentioned if that was the case.

You’re not going to get anything to put on a UCAS application with £200 😂 thé exam fees alone per grade are about £55 never mind lessons and instruments. And you’ve clearly never heard of luxury chess sets 😂

The point is video games aren’t worse than anything else he might choose to spend his money on that’s ‘frivolous’.

Most young people learn about money when they start earning and managing their lives (at uni). If he did this at the end of his first year I’d worry.

But not when he’s 17! Yes people want to ‘teach them the value of money’ but if teens have the chance to be young and frivolous let them!

I got my ‘young and frivolous’ moment at 27 having worked non-stop since my teens and enjoyed it. People will learn. They have a lifetime of being careful with money ahead of them. Don’t judge them too harshly in their youth.

By THIS I meant spending frivolously ofc

My DS learnt the error of his ways by frittering his money away and not having it when he wanted something. It's the only way to learn and it's better that he experiences it now than when he has bills to pay when he's older.

Next time he wants something and can't afford it, point out that he'd have been able to get it with his Christmas money if he'd saved it. And don't buy it for him or lend him the money. He has to go without in order to learn. Hard to watch, but it's a vital lesson and skill for life.

@5thHelena

Teach him a lesson?? The poor kid spent his Christmas money on what he wanted and you want to teach him a lesson? Jeez I'm glad you weren't my parent at 17 🤨

Me too. Presumably all the people on here saying he wasted his money are not spending their in money on nails, eyebrows, tanning, handbags, shoes, Pandora charms etc etc. If they are those purchases are the absolute equivalent frivolous spend of his virtual computer game .

God at 17 I spent most of my money on booze and weed.
the rest I just wasted

It is a waste but at 17 he's bought something that has made him happy, so yes you'll just have to live and let live.

Alot of people think buying virtual items are a waste of money, no matter how much they've spent. buying a new skin in a game isn't really any different to buying new fashion trainers.
If you want it saved and dictate exactly what he spends it on, then have family put it in a savings account instead. Or 50/50.

You’re not going to get anything to put on a UCAS application with £200 😂 thé exam fees alone per grade are about £55 never mind lessons and instruments. And you’ve clearly never heard of luxury chess sets

Obviously you’re determined to misrepresent what I’m saying. Of course you can’t be graded with £200, but what I clearly said in my post was you would get more out of £200 in music lessons than £200 on Fortnite skins.

And yes there are some luxury chess sets, as I said in my post I also wouldn’t be happy for my child to spend £200 on chess but that’s extremely unlikely compared to sinking it into this type of game.

It’s not good value for money. And people comparing it to the cinema/chess/crocheting are overlooking that £200 on any of those is both unlikely and would get you a lot more.

Plus spending such a large amount in such a short time indicates that he hasn’t carefully considered it and spent it well, he’s just splurged it on an addictive game.

And those acting like he’s a little boy who doesn’t need to understand the value of money yet - he will possibly be moving out and at uni next year, with student finance that comes three times a year and has to last from one payment to the next.

I’d rather my child learned about the value of money before they were desperately scrabbling for money between maintenance payments.

When my son was 18 he spent over £500 he got for his 18th on a mixture of these gaming extras and McDonald's. I was upset with him at the time. I stopped treating him to stuff and made him manage strictly on his allowance. Now he is grown up and we look back and laugh at it. He is a brilliant saber now and really good at budgeting his finances. It is hard to watch but they learn through making mistakes.

I have had this with my son, he won a prize at school £100. When asked did he want cash or gift cards, he said Roblox gift cards so ended up spending 100, on roblox🤦‍♀️ we did try to encourage him to choose something else but he said no.
This year, he has got about 150 for Christmas and his birthday is in a few days. We have told him, to think what he wants to spend it on, he hasn't decided yet. But so far he isn't looking at roblox. Hopefully he is learning, but it is hard going. Good luck, hopefully he will get there.

@Kanaloa

And those acting like he’s a little boy who doesn’t need to understand the value of money yet - he will possibly be moving out and at uni next year, with student finance that comes three times a year and has to last from one payment to the next.

I’d rather my child learned about the value of money before they were desperately scrabbling for money between maintenance payments.

It’s actually a good thing for them to scrabble for money ; that’s how they learn. All children are different, again some might see the value in saving in theory, some don’t but most get it when it’s their own money as plenty of pp have said.

Thinking that wasteful spending when 17 == growing up into a spendthrift adult is as best catastrophizing and at worst seriously damaging. Children who are never allowed to make any mistakes won’t learn.

This thread is mad. He got £200 for Xmas and spent it on something he wanted. There’s no issue.